suddenly, politics!
In the months following 9/11, approximately everybody in the USA said, “if you criticize the president, you’re a traitor!” Like even if you said something pretty obvious like, “So if 17 of the 19 hijackers were Saudi Arabian, why are we attacking Afghanistan and Iraq?” they’d say, “Shut up, Hippy McTaliban, why do you want our soldiers to die?”
Since 9/11, Bush’s approval rating slipped from 90ish% to 33ish%.
So, I am no mathemetologist, but, it seems like the majority of Americans done changeded their minds about him. The same people who said any criticism is anti-american. How did that happen?
I’m not asking WHY republicans are critical now, I’m asking HOW they justify changing their minds.
Do they ever once think, to themselves, when no one is around, “Ok, i spent 6 years saying Clinton was a murderer and a liar and should be impeached. Then Bush got elected, and I said anyone criticizing the president for any reason was a big fat traitor. And now I think bush sucks, and it is OK. Damn, how did that happen?!!! I’m so amazing!!! Hey, football isn’t on for another 5 minutes, so let’s spend this commercial break to formulate a coherent explanation for why nothing I say is every contradictory or even slightly wrong in retrospect.”
I’m talking about all these newly-enlightened Midwesterners who are just now like, “Duh? He done did something bad? What? Sorry, I was at Wal-mart searching for oversized sweatpants to fit my huge middle-american ass for the past 3 years. What’s all this about torture and domestic spying?”. . . .I know the practical thing is for the Left to unite with them and make political progress that way. But shit; they called us america-haters for like 3 years, for merely saying the same shit that they are saying now, and we’re supposed to embrace them now? FUCK IT - I want payback. I’m talking about: Tie up all the bush voters to a chair and interrogate them. It would have to be a pretty big chair. I know. I have people working on this. That is not the point. The point is, have a huge bass-heavy loudspeaker to yell at them like they yelled at us:
“WHY DON’T YOU APPROVE OF OUR WAR PRESIDENT? ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT DEMORALIZING OUR BRAVE TROOPS IN THE FIELD WITH YOUR ANTI-AMERICAN POLL ANSWERS?”
“But, he lied to us about the reasons for Iraq war.”
“SO WHAT? THAT WAS PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE BEFORE THE WAR! AND YET YOU SPENT 3 YEARS CALLING ANYONE WHO SAID ‘HE LIED’ A TRAITOR. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?’
“Well, that’s different. Back then,I thought we’d win.”
“ASSHOLE. WHY ELSE DON’T YOU LIKE HIM ANYMORE? BESIDES YOUR TIES TO AL-QUEDA I MEAN?”
“Well, his FEMA response was not good. He should have admitted he made a mistake in the planning.”
WHAT? DEMANDING ACCOUNTABILITY FROM AN ELECTED OFFICIAL? DIDN’T YOU GET DRUNK AT A FAMILY REUNION IN 2004 AND CALL YOUR COUSIN AN AMERICA-HATER FOR SAYING THE SAME EXACT THING?”
“Well, he IS an america-hater. I’m not –I just don’t like the way the President is leading the country right now.”
“THAT IS WHAT YOUR COUSIN SAID, TOO, AND YOU JUST YELLED OVER HIM. YOU HYPOCRITICAL SWINE. SO YOU DON’T LIKE THE PRESIDENT? WELL, SADDAM HUSSEIN IS WORSE. DO YOU WANT TO PUT SADDAM BACK IN POWER? HUH? HUH?!? YOU SADDAM-LOVING TERROR-HUGGER?”
“Plus, he’s helping illegal immigrants. They’re called illegal for a reason!”
“WHO CARES? WHEN YOU CRITICIZE THE PRESIDENT IN TIME OF WAR, YOU GIVE AMMUNITION TO THE ENEMY. YOU SAID THAT YOURSELF, BACK IN JANUARY. YOU MADE ABSOLUTELY NO DISTINCTION BETWEEN CRITICIZING DOMESTIC AND FOREIGN POLICY; IT WAS ALL VERBOTEN.”
“that was different! That was about unimportant stuff like torture, not the sudden and drastic problem of Mexicans.
“WHY DO YOU REPUBLICANS ALWAYS BLAME AMERICA FIRST? ‘OH HE TOOK THE WRONG POSITION, LET’S JUST BASH THE HEAD OF THE FREE WORLD! NEVER MIND WHAT OTHER COUNTRIES ARE DOING TO ENCOURAGE IMMIGRATION, LET’S STRAIGHTAWAY BASH THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT BECAUE WE HATE FREEDOM AND JESUS. PASS THE TOFU!’ CHRIST ALMIGHTY, YOU REPUBLI-HIPPIES MAKE ME SICK.”
*sobs uncontrollably*
“SO ONE LAST TIME I’M ASKING YOU, WHY IS IT OK TO TALK BAD ABOUT HIM ALL OF A SUDDEN? TO KICK THE PRESIDENT OF THE GOD DAMN UNITED STATES OF JESUS, WHEN HE IS DOWN, AND MAKE THE TERRORISTS LAUGH AND GIGGLE AND PLAY WITH YOYOS AND SPOON EACH OTHER? WHEN DID THAT BECOME OK?”
“well, because your mom, is why. Look, i want my side to win. Logical consistency and principles are for losers and whiners. If he is doing something to piss off liberals, any criticism is unpatriotic. if he is doing something I don’t like, criticism is ok. And if he has become a political liability to the republican agenda, that is a worse crime than legalizing torture, suspending due process, domestic spying, stealing an election, and raping the environment combined. We will turn on him like hyenas, with no thought to any of our previous ‘war-president-is-unassailable’ rhetoric. Frankly, we can’t believe you guys were so stupid as to be cowed by that.”
“THANKS FOR YOUR HONESTY. YOU HOLE. HERE IS A RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE BAG FULL OF JESUS PISS AND GOD SMEGMA. NEXT TIME YOU FEEL AN OPINION COMING ON, SUBMERGE YOUR HEAD IN IT COMPLETELY UNTIL THE FEELING GOES AWAY.”
Then, untie them from the chair and let them stagger out into the light of day. Praise the lord, the end.
April 28th, 2006 at 11:34 pm
look, schultz. first of all you are an asshole. i know that you already knew that. we all know that. but we still like you. i would like to intone right now that no president is perfect. for that matter, what politician gives a flying faerie fuck about the people he represents? let me go over a politicians priorities with you. this is bipartisan by the way, they are all the same in this:
1)get elected
2)start pandering to special interest lobbies to get re-elected
3)collect campaign contributions
4)talk lots of shit
5)make more campaign money, make special friends to hook you up at the golf course
6)get re-elected
7)take a firm stance on something that doesnt matter, have no comment on important issues
8)get re-elected
9)see # 8
10)maybe perhaps sometime start to possibly think about ways to form a commitee which will then form a sub commitee to develop the idea of a task force implementation program to attempt to address the needs and desires of the constituents.
11)see `1 thru 9
schultz i dont give a flying fuck who our president is, who my elected representatives are because they dont give a flying fuck about me. from the mayor on up to the president and back down again its a huge fucking scam.
the people of the united states are great but the voting blocs and our bipartisan system are miserable fucks that dont represent reason or sense.
i’m not an anarchist by any means but i dont care if its a republican or a democrat, bush or clinton, i hate them all with every square inch of my still beating black little heart. i am bipartisan in my disgust.
however i favor any circumstance in which americans kill soldiers and civilian combatants of other regimes before they kill us.
world domination? i’m for it. i operate under the radar anyway.
why hate bush when you can hate em all?
just a question.
April 29th, 2006 at 5:11 am
???
#1 - Was I even talking about bush? You might want to read it again.
#2 - Karl Rove and his friends are counting on guys like you staying home on election day. That is what negative campaign ads are about - making undecided people so disgusted with politics in general that they drop out. Every time some guy says “I’m too smart for this - fuck them all!” Rove chuckles and gets a little chubby.
#3 - not to be too nitpicky, but some politicians support keeping abortion legal.
May 9th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
were you talking about bush? intoxication was the name of the game when i wrote that. i probably assumed you were because i have read all of your shit and you mention several times over that bush is an asshole. suddenly, politics! indeed… i dont feel like reading it again. in my currently more sober state i can tell you that
euthanasia is good
i am actually going to register to vote this year. greater of two evils, you’ve got my ballot!
i keep wishing for a valid third party but i cant find my magic lamp, and rubbing one out does not produce three wishes. believe me, i’ve tried…
doing all i can do do bring about the end times,
sz
May 15th, 2006 at 8:49 am
Have you checked out the libertarian party? I think you’ll find they make a lot of sense.
June 10th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
well your all a bunch of terrorists hahaha