MEN’S FASHION.
So, low-rise jeans. This is a thing that people do. Still. But now it’s gotten to the point where if you talk about a lady’s cleavage, I assume you mean her pelvis cleavage, where you can see the start of her legs above her pants-line. As this ASCII art demonstrates:
\ /
| |
| __________|
/ * \
/ \
| ____\_____/___| <---
| ; ; |P ; ; |
\ _|_ /
| | | |
| | | |
What the hell. That’s not even sexy. At that point, it just looks like a mistake. Like, “Oh, I forgot to have pants, ever. Guess I’ll borrow a pair from my Barbie.” And of course the women wear these things with this fake nonchalance- they’re all, like, “What? It’s the style.”
So, imagine for a second what would happen if GUYS tried doing something like that.
I am talking about, what if dudes EVERYWHERE started just walking around with our flies unzipped. Just totally down, all day.
And if a lady went, “dude, your zipper is down.” We’d be like, “What? It’s the style. This is NOT undignified! This does NOT look like a total mistake! This is HIGH FASHION damn it! I’M LOOKING FABULOUS THIS WAY!”
Or we could go the indignant route: “My zipper? What? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN THERE FOR ANYWAY?? !? Um, HELLO, I’m UP HERE. Up HERE. Geez, what is the problem with you women today??”
Or we could go with the old, “well if you don’t like it, don’t look. It’s not about you. I’M DOING THIS FOR MEEE!! What’s the big deal anyway? I’m just walking around in public with my fly down, duh! ”
I dunno. I just think it would be awesome.
May 10th, 2006 at 3:25 pm
The ass. That’s what holds the pants up. If the girl has no ass, then her crotch-wedgie holds them up.
May 10th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Low rise jeans are awful….all that waist-level love handle type fat just overflowing the jeans and actually being larger than the girl’s behind in most cases. Horrendible
May 10th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
i know a 16 year old who really does that and it is for style. he says thats just his ‘thing’ like a personal trademark. also he claims it is good for not having to take your pants off or fiddle around with a zipper when trying to have sex.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
oci:
yeah, the Australians have a wonderful name for those “waist-level love handle type fat” . . . “quarter-pounders.”
jeff:
“also he claims it is good for not having to take your pants off or fiddle around with a zipper when trying to have sex. ”
so THAT’S why I haven’t been having sex. My zipper was too fucking complicated, by the time i dig the zipper manual out of the closet the mood is ruined. what a relief. the whole time i thought my problem was that i had quarter pounders and smelled.
May 11th, 2006 at 9:50 am
You’ve chosen to ignore the more disturbing part of this fashion…
Guys who were low-rise. The girls are bad enough, but half the time, guys have like… pubic hair all up there
May 11th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
I think you should include some more of your wonderful ascii art in all of your posts.
May 13th, 2006 at 7:38 am
I agree with Conor. More ASCII art, Schultzzz!
As for the low-rise jean thing, it’s huge at my school, and the girls who wear them always have muffin top (when their belly fat protrudes forth from the jeans like the top of a muffin does from its little wrapper thing). It’s heinous.
May 13th, 2006 at 10:38 am
Orestria said:
“Guys who were low-rise. The girls are bad enough, but half the time, guys have like… pubic hair all up there ”
is that metrosexual?
May 13th, 2006 at 10:50 am
The worst is when you have a woman who in any other decade throughout the course of history stuffs her ass so hard into a pair of jeans from Gap Kids! that she looks like she’s actually overweight by fourty pounds. I mean it’s gross! It’s looks like a shaved beagle’s been stuffed down her pants and only the ears are flapping out.
May 14th, 2006 at 8:24 am
Augh. Everybody in my school wears low rise, and even though I’m somewhat fine with it, it should be only for the skinny people. Seriously, I walk around the halls every day seeing at least 3 girls wearing low rise jeans, their XXXXXXL thongs hanging out, and… Jesus, it’s not a pretty sight.
May 15th, 2006 at 7:49 pm
Yeah, pop culture has been telling women that they look good no matter how they look, and as a result, we’re all forced to look at eyesores flaunting shit best concealed. On a separate note, have you seen this?
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/
May 15th, 2006 at 10:31 pm
hey everyone, thanks for saying what’s on your mind!
but it is kind of lame to make fun of chubby girls.
I actually LIKE chubby girls in low-rise jeans because they are TRYING to tease me and FAILING. i don’t like cute girls because they tease me successfully. so, please, eat that extra cake.
but when i wrote that rant, my point was not “low-rise = bad” .
my point was, “what if men did something that sexual and then acted all innocent about it?”
May 16th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
Uh, you must mean ‘what if STRAIGHT men did something that sexual and acted all innocent about it.”
The chubby chicks who can’t pull it off and try piss me off more than the hot chicks who pull it off successfully. I’m all, look, why not accept your limitations with dignity? Why are you gonna insult men’s sense of taste by assuming that if you dress like a hooker, dudes are gonna jump on you regardless of what you look like? Oh, right, because it’s true. Shit.
May 17th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Low-riders are pretty dumb imo, just like all those guys with huge baggy pants that are halfway down their ass.
At least seeing most of some dude’s boxers is less creepy than seeing all of a girl’s thong.
Or maybe that is just weird and creepy because I’m a girl. Although I have seen this many times in all sorts of ways, on girls that could be considered hot, on chubby girls, on fat girls, on moms…yes..moms.
May 17th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
Oh yeah I forgot to mention, I’ve seen dudes do this too. You can see the really defined area by the hips. Also only one of the guys I saw had pubes hanging out, the others must have waxed…and these were less meterosexual and more uh…frat boys.
August 20th, 2006 at 8:10 am
man whether you are skinny or not those pants look awefull on everyone, with the skinny girls its actually noticeble that they do indeed have a completely flat stomach, like | that. except, at the bottom just above the pants are a pair of hip bones poking out by a good 2 inch from their stomach, not to even start talking about the ribcage.
either way these girls look either morbidly obese while they are just a normal weight and wouldnt look that way with other pants on! or it looks like a skeleton who just happens to be covered by a skin colored bag and a pair of jeans..
September 10th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
well this is a fairly old post but I thought it was funny. I stumbled upon Shultzzzz’ site because I was searcing for Shibuya fashion pictures after returning to the States from a month long trial stay in Tokyo (I have a girl over there).
On low rise jeans, they look ok on girls if they are average to thin and only if they are a slightly lower rise, personally I dont want to see 3inches of ass hanging out of pants when I walk around, especially the wrong (insert Lane Bryant fat girl clothes joke here) people wearing them. And I dont want to hear anything about me picking on fat girls (I had karma kick my ass for 3 years dating a fat girl *nearly 300lbs*, who I dumped finally and am now dating a 100lb Japanese girl)
I personally wear lower rise jeans not “super low no room for a package retaged girls jeans” just slightly lower than being buttoned around my belly button. The only way I pull it off is by having a decent looking body (that and I wanted to wear some clothes that were too tight so when I was on the train or something in Tokyo I could “accidentally” rip my clothes by flexing my legs or something, then people would all be like “Oh Snap” and my girl would have to fight all the OLs and shit off of me.
anyway great blog, love the old stuff too