I used to believe there was no God. However, recently I had a vision. It came to me in the shower, after a significant amount of Smirnoff. But a vision nonetheless: if the catholics can drink wine, I can drink vodka. At least my libation doesn’t turn to blood in my fucking duodenum. But I digress.
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I believe that there IS a God. He loves you, forgives you, and all that. But he can’t contact or save you or influence you, any more than you can influence or contact him. He can only watch you, your ups and downs, your lies and your virtues, wanting to touch you, but failing. His ONLY contact with the human soul comes when a person dies. As the human’s soul slips out of the body, God slips into the body. But the body is dead so God can’t do anything. In every graveyard there are hundreds or thousands of lonely bits of God. And this goes on, forever. You can spend your whole life praying to Him, but you only encounter Him the second you die, and in a millisecond later, before you can even see his face, your soul is floating up in the sky, to disperse forever, like so much secondhand smoke. No heaven. No hell. Just a God that loves us and is forever denied, over and over. Trapped in our rotting husks. Still just as cut off from humanity as he was in Heaven.
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So, what should I call this religion of mine? No fair saying ‘shultzzzisfuckedupism’. . . I am trying to have a very mature theological and epistemological discussion here.
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I used to believe there was no God. However, recently I had a vision. It came to me in the shower, after a significant amount of Smirnoff. But a vision nonetheless: if the catholics can drink wine, I can drink vodka. At least my libation doesn’t turn to blood in my fucking duodenum. But I digress.
\
I believe that there IS a God. He loves you, forgives you, and all that. But he can’t contact or save you or influence you, any more than you can influence or contact him. He can only watch you, your ups and downs, your lies and your virtues, wanting to touch you, but failing. His ONLY contact with the human soul comes when a person dies. As the human’s soul slips out of the body, God slips into the body. But the body is dead so God can’t do anything. In every graveyard there are hundreds or thousands of lonely bits of God. And this goes on, forever. You can spend your whole life praying to Him, but you only encounter Him the second you die, and in a millisecond later, before you can even see his face, your soul is floating up in the sky, to disperse forever, like so much secondhand smoke. No heaven. No hell. Just a God that loves us and is forever denied, over and over. Trapped in our rotting husks. Still just as cut off from humanity as he was in Heaven.
/
So, what should I call this religion of mine? No fair saying ‘shultzzzisfuckedupism’. . . I am trying to have a very mature theological and epistemological discussion here.
This entry was posted
on Thursday, May 18th, 2006 at 10:58 pm and is filed under Uncategorized, philosophy.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 19th, 2006 at 3:05 am
Wow. How about Depressionism?
Nah, that’s boring… What about “Ghostism”, referencing the 1990 movie starring Patrick Swayze?
May 19th, 2006 at 7:41 am
…shhhhs…and I thought you are always leaning toward the darker side of life….
May 19th, 2006 at 8:11 am
I believe what I experience for myself. I’ve never seen god, so I dont believe he exists, nor do I believe he doesn’t exist. Although I think your theory is the best explanation for the way god works, that I’ve ever heard.
May 19th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
The gnosis of Schultz Smirnoff quite certainly allows adepts to romance gothickly inclined regency damsels, who should fancy a substantial flirt on the tomb of the dead god (god bit, possessed husk). But that melancholy sweetness makes me suspect it inspired by sherry. A god revealed in vodka must be a ruthless soul-sucker preying on the psychic energy of dying people dispersed by its very action.
Sound track: “Soul Killer” from Material (with W.S.Burroughs), Seven Souls
http://www.shinro-ohtake.com/coverart/material.html
May 19th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Ya man, you sound like a dark speritual hardcore song.
I think no matter what way you cut it, if there is a god he’s a complete wanker. And although I hate violence, I would totally like to fight him. Any how, I hope there’s
a hell, and that when I’m there, I will be conscious of being there. Not that hell sounds like a fun place, but if I end up there, I can at least say I got there by my own choices. This whole god made everything and is everything now and forever, and all of me is really god and he loves me so much. And, that I really have no consishnuss but yet I feel like I do but its really god and his plan cuzz the big bitch is so mighty, and so on and on; you probley get my drift by now, all that makes me feel dead bored with life. Forget hell, I don’t honestly believe in that, I just pray that death means complete oblivian, you know nothing. When I die, I totally want to revert back into base elements and be subdiveded an infinite amount times and recycled back into the building blocks of far away galaxies. So you must now conclude that I’m either a dirty spaced hippy or I secretley want to god myself.
cut and paste link below. it will take like 7 min. to download, but it’s really fudgin’ hilarious. it’s a harcore (the EDM kind) video. with some crazy
japanese tele clip. seriously bonkers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-zbF580sLU&search=rave%20japan
May 19th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
sequesterism?
May 19th, 2006 at 11:13 pm
well, since onanism is already taken…
Isolationism: there is a certain “cocktail party chic” about saying: “I’m an ‘isolationist’…
Lonliism: But a certain Jan Brady self involvement with saying: “I’m not (previously defined religion here)… I’m Lonliest”. Also a chance for the oh-so-rare-in-english “double-i” to have it’s chance to shine.
Apartism: “Apartist” would be too easily confused with “A Partist”, i.e. a Partisan…
My vote, however, goes to the ever-popular: “Deadbeat Dadaism”, which, of course perfectly epitomizes our nonsensical, meaningless, and contradictory eternal separation from that which is intrinsically connected to every fiber of our essence. Let’s all raise our children as Deadbeat Dadaists!
May 20th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
I didn’t get a thing from your “theory”! But I guess that’s normal, since it deals with unexplainable stuff like “God”.
May 20th, 2006 at 11:15 pm
I’m an apathiest. I’d tell you all about it… but fuck it.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:49 pm
I think it’s called deiism. Look it up.
May 24th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
i have heard this dogma before. you are not alone, schultz. we have a large congregation where i live, although we are not so organized yet as to have a holy day, book, or state recognition of our faith. but seek us and you will find, for the followers of “bitch lick these nuts-ism” are all around you.
December 5th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
I think your revelation was just realizing that the human mind can’t possibly fathom the concept of “GOD”.
That’s because whatever humanity has ever called GOD (the creationist/destructionist force behind everything in the universe) will always be independent of anything with sentience. Our souls, as their depart our bodies will either
a) have sentience and reach for a world such as limbo or ‘bardo’ (the buddhist concept of a place where souls go before reincarnating)
b) have no sentience, hence pure energy (thus something that is not self-conscious)
In case A, GOD will still not be something tangible, and it will be closer to your dead body than your soul. Case B might be different, for in Case B, when ‘you’ no longer exist and your soul has become pure energy devoid of self or consciousness, “YOU” will be with GOD.