return of return of internet dating pranks!
following is an ad from the Actual Internet:
I’m finally ready to start dating again.
I’m totally human.
I’m totally content with all the other areas of my life, but would like to share some of my happiness with someone worthy.
I’m cute, more than pretty. But most guys then to say I’m pretty.
I’m Asian, petite, easily turned off my men who ONLY date Asian women, or have an Asian fetish. I don’t buy that “I prefer Asian women, I don’t have a fetish for them.” - whatever.
I work at a dot.com but I also have side career in the entertainment industry (no, not porn).
It’s hard to describe exactly what I’m looking for in a guy. I usually don’t know until it smacks me upside the head.
I do know that I like guys who take care of themselves, aren’t lazy, have a career, have ambition, have some creativity, and aren’t assholes.
I tend to like guys who are confident and are intelligent. I’m not talking MENSA intelligent, but you know…you can hold your own and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to take you out in public.
Anyway, like I said I’m petite so I also like guys who are tall. (Something about feeling protected…you know?) - So at least 5′10 - 6′1 seems to work best for me. - But I’ve dated shorter guys and taller guys too…depends on how hot I think you are I guess.
I may sound kind of abrasive but I know exactly what I DON’T want, and if you’re that then I won’t waste your time or mine. I can promise you that much.
Have a nice day.
Ciao.
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Hi! I am writing because you are asian and petitie! and, since i am also 5′2″, i think we would be a good match.
>I work at a dot.com but I also have side career in the entertainment industry (no, not porn).
That is wonderful - i have not dated an Asian porn actor in months. Also, once we are married maybe you can get me a job with your company. Not a job where i have to show up every day, or have skills. Maybe i could work from home. My parents’ home. Or you could just, you know, give me the money. Anyway, we can discuss that in a few weeks.
>It’s hard to describe exactly what I’m looking for in a guy. I usually don’t know until it smacks me upside the head.
See, it must be fate bringing us together. for years, my hobby has been smacking people upside the head, and now I finally find someone who likes that. when you feel it, you will know i am exactly what you are looking for. I can’t wait to sit around on my couch all day watching tv with you, since I don’t do anything else with my life. but you’ll have to act fast, because they will repossess my tv next week. if only i had a career or ambition, maybe i would pay for a new tv, but between smacking people and having an asian fetish I really have no time for that sort of thing.
>I tend to like guys who are confident and are intelligent. I’m not talking MENSA intelligent, but you know…you can hold your own and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to take you out in public.
you don’t have to be embarrassed me in public, because we can stay in my parents’ house and order take-out. problem solved! i solve your problems because i believe in pleasing the lady’s. Plus I am a member of MESA.
Anyway, send me your picture. Not one of your naked ones, because my Dad uses this computer and might see it. If you really are Asian, i will tell you my address and you can come over.
p.s. let’s do this.
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ok — now it’s your turn. what do you think was her response?
i will write you back~~~ (i hope i will because i hope you are hot)
May 30th, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Wonderful again! You should put your best stuff in a book at lulu.com or something and earn some money… at least I would buy it!
By the way: Kabukicho is a great, great song!
May 30th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Let me get this straight…You can’t have preference for Asian women without having a fetish for them??? Okay. I’m clad to know that she’s human, ’cause that provides a completely different problem. She has another job in the entertainment industry, yet not porn. I guess she’s a stripper. A stripper with slightly higher standards for her guys…because they have to be smart, just not MENSA smart.
May 30th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
i’m betting she sent her pic.
May 31st, 2006 at 1:31 pm
i can’t quite imagine the response of someone who is so stereotipically assholeian. Maybe she really sent her pic beacause she thought “such wit can only come from someone with an IQ above average but not mensa.”
by the way… she demands someone with careers and stuff but she works at a dot.com and also at something as ambiguous as “a side-career in the entertainment industry”.
“share my happiness with someone worthy” maybe you should consider if YOU are worthy to date someone other than your dog, beyyyotch!!
June 1st, 2006 at 7:25 am
Obviously she has some personality issues and is not incredibly bright but most of all I think she probably lacks any sense of humor. My guess is she realized your note was a prank — but it took her several minutes to figure it out. I’m betting she got offended and sent a pissy reply… do I win a prize?
June 1st, 2006 at 10:31 am
“a side-career in the entertainment industry”
Thats means shes…
a) …a Lucy Liu lookalike in front of Mans chinese theater
b) …the darth vader lookalilke in the same spot
c) …a fluffer
d) …once been asked to get up on stage by a magician who happened
to have an asian fetish.
June 1st, 2006 at 10:32 am
I’m betting that she not only sent a pic, but that Steve is love! Not just any kind of love. It’s Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the couch love! I her also name Katie? Cause then we could give you two a cool pet name like KatStevens!
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:12 am
Awesome!
But you should have inquired as to whether she takes it in the seat or not.
June 2nd, 2006 at 6:27 pm
Bah. Women.
I can just see the satisfied look on her face as she finishes typing her add and leans back in her chair, thinking to herself “Okay boys! Come get me tee hee!!1″
She probably thought her reference to MENSA was really cryptic too!
June 2nd, 2006 at 7:57 pm
a) ‘takes it in the seat’ . . . that is so awesome how you phrased that just like a gentleman.
b) no response, i’m afraid. i was just curious what you people would think. probably a gender/sense of humor thing. if a guy got really well-clowned by an internet lady he’d probably write back just to see who was so funny.
c) it’s funny to me because women like her. . . they think, ok, there’s 100 guys on here for every girl. that means i can be a total jerk and still get like 100 responses, whee!! but what they don’t realize is that if they are a jerk, all the reasonable guys DON’T write and ONLY the bottom-of-the-barrel guys write to her (most likely becuase they didn’t even read her ad, and sent her the same cut-and-paste message they send to everyone). so these women with the 100 conditions actually wind up with a HIGHER proportion of jerk-responses, rather than less!
June 2nd, 2006 at 9:33 pm
Wow, Schultz, your point about the dating sites sounds like some sort of mathematical equation, or at least something that can be plotted on a line graph. Don’t go too MENSA on us, ok? Just kidding.
Dating sites are nothing much except for a laugh for when you’re bored and want to see how desperate people can get.
June 4th, 2006 at 1:02 am
‘takes it in the seat’ . . . that is so awesome how you phrased that just like a gentleman
No only am I a gentleman, but I have a jaunty tilt to my top hat as well. Huzzah!
June 4th, 2006 at 1:03 am
‘takes it in the seat’ . . . that is so awesome how you phrased that just like a gentleman
Not only am I a gentleman, but I have a jaunty tilt to my top hat as well. Huzzah!
June 4th, 2006 at 12:48 pm
Well, It’s nice to know that she’s human. For a moment there, I thought she might be some alien lizard-monster! Glad she clarified!
June 5th, 2006 at 7:41 am
this is recycled stuff from your old damage depot, not as funny as your orginal response thou! come on write new stuff please!!!!
June 5th, 2006 at 11:42 pm
Sorry to ask here, but is your music page (Warusaru records) gonna be working anytime soon? I want to play the Pinkbeard song for my friends!
June 10th, 2006 at 5:27 pm
i think you schultzzzzzzz have an asian fetish. you keep pranking them. they are just too small in all the wrong places, like the FEET
June 15th, 2006 at 8:35 am
Hi Stenev
I like music, movies, going out, dancing, food, shopping etc.
i will write you back~~~ (i hope i will because i hope you are hot)
I love KORN! Send me yuor picture, and if i like it
- xxAsiangurl_19xx
April 18th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
For anyone interested in the general topic of online dating, there is a new URL that describes a great new safety tool for those who make use (or who are contemplating such) of any of
the online dating sites, of which there must now be thousands available on the Internet. Only a few of the most major such sites offer any type of psychological testing and/or
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use of the sites based upon scamming, criminal, or otherwise harmful motivations. Reviews of the only couple sites that offer users some degree of criminal background history
checking and unfortunately these checks have been reviewed as being too limited in scope; generally only limited to the police records in a single State or else useless as the focused
upon individual is making use of an alias or pseudo name in his/her communications with the site.
Just very recently, a new approach has been developed that addresses this very problem. A psychologist who has an extraordinary background in psychological test development, as
well as in security related integrity or honesty testing has developed this new tool. This psychologist has developed a rather short/quick psychological test, based upon well-established
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multiple-choice test, the Personal Security Standards Psychological Questionnaire (PSSPQ), has recently gone through a rather thorough testing when used to screen or otherwise
evaluate the general integrity of persons who were attempting to contact potential ‘dates’; through the services offered by online dating sites. The PSSPQ has recently been made
commercially available to users of online dating sites. An extremely complete (and quite lengthy) description of the PSSPQ when used in the online dating arena for individual
evaluation purposes is available on: http://www.home.earthlink.net/~lastone2/psspqdatingtest.htm . On this PSSPQ website, many helpful links are provided that greatly aid a reader in
understanding and evaluating the PSSPQ, its development, and its developer, as well as the many dangers that face anyone making use of the online dating sites.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
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