cali damage

 if there’s one thing i hate more than ‘finals are hard plus i was late to work because my cat got sick,omg my crazy life!’  blogs, it’s deep and philosophical blogs like this one:

 i definitely know the feeling of… the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment.but that’s life for you and everything happens for a reason.  and of course initial reactions may include frustration, bitterness, sadness, confusion, and disbelief– all of which are indications for you to put forth your time and energy into something that will directly reflect the effort. life is just not fair.  thats why you may cry yourself a river, build a bridge, then get over it or simply just continue to let the world go ’round.  things ideally works itself out.  and if not, you’re way better than the situation at hand so move on, move up, move ahead.
ok.   I’m not exerpting this from a larger story. That is the entire entry,  apropos of nothing. What strikes me the most is, despite being sincere and autobiographical, it manages to be more impersonal than an IRS brochure.What did this person even SAY?  It’s like, “Hey, great!  you totally used words!  That’s excellent how you put, like, adjectives and nouns together to form a sentance there!  Good job!”  Moreover, this is a UC BERKELEY student writing this, apparently.  As in, someone who must have gotten 1400 on their SAT tests.  So why would they write something so impersonal?

This is a classic problem:  people want to have their name and their picture all over their blogs. because then they can be, HEY LOOK AT ME!  I AM ON THE INTERNET WITH MY PEEPZ HOLLA WOO.  But the flip side to putting your big ego out there is, you can’t say anything bad about your family, because they might read it. ditto for your boyfriend or your boss.  So basically you can’t write anything interesting at all, and you wind up typing 1400-SAT score things like ‘life is just not fair.’  What happened to this person to make her sad?  It might be a very interesting story.  Maybe she got kidnapped by pirates.  Or got in a knife fight with Bo Diddley.  Or lost an air-guitar contest to a legless Eskimo playing air-ukelele.  But because she has her dumb pictures all over her page, she can’t afford to actually, like, tell a story, and instead all we get to read is that “Things ideally works itself out.” (sic) (take that, SATs!).

If it was just one sorority girl being dumb, that would not be cause for alarm or even surprise.  but there are like 4 trillion blogs with this problem, so I have to step in and solve it. 

IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST DO A BLOG, DON’T PUT YOUR NAME ON IT.  DON’T PUT YOUR DUMB SMILEY PICTURE EVEN IF IT’S ‘SUPER HOT SEXXXY WHOO!’ BE MYSTERIOUS.  USE ACTUAL IDEAS TO GET YOURSELF NOTICED.  if you keep your identity a secret, you can write some truly exciting and real stuff, like a spy behind enemy lines.  You can expose your boss, the dirty secrets of your workplace,  the embarassing shortcomings of your ethnic group, the hidden initiations of your fraternity, all your family’s dirty laundry, your lover’s treacherous ways! In other words, you can actually write stuff worth reading about. Yes, you’ll have to change names of real people/companies, and maybe details about them.  Yes, you’ll have to make up an imaginary city for all this to take place in.  That’s all part of the fun.

You might think this is negative.  And it is. But for a reason:  If I want to find out why Phi Delta Gamma IS FREAKIN’ AWESOME of a fraternity, i can find that information on their official site. if I want to see wny Dow Chemical is TOTALLY FREAKIN’ AWESOME and loves the environment, that info is also readily available.  But if i want to read the  DIRTY LAUNDRY(both personal and institutional) I can’t find it anywhere, even though it is 1000 times as fun AND real!  According to some douchebag at Wired magazine, Blogs are supposed to enable us to, through the Miracle Of Technology, expand our horizons and learn about new cultures or points of view.  And yet here is what we end up with:  “life is hard.”  “LuV MaH PeEpZ whaZZUPP~!”  Thanks a lot, you douche.  Have fun at burning man.  To the lame bloggers: having your friends’ pictures all over your blog is a sure-fire way to get compliments even if you suck, But it is only the whistle-blowers and shit-disturbers that can deliver the promise of blogs, and  let us know what REALLY goes on in other walks of life!

Now, what I am suggesting goes against human vanity so it’ll probably neverh appen. But just in case, though, let me say what i want to read when i read your blog:

1) stuff other people think is super-important but you think is bullshit, and vice-versa

2) things you feel ashamed of / times when you knowingly did something phoney / times when you feel like a total fraud
3) lies you told
4) revenge you got or want to get
5) actual experiences, not pithy sayings
6) people you feel jealous of and why
7) secret stuff that people who are not in your race/social class/sex/job would not ordinairly know about.
8) weird stories about that crazy uncle/ ex-roommate / cat lady next door
9) pet peeves, the randomer the better
10)  weird notions that your parents put in your head, that maybe you don’t agree with them but you catch yourself doing it anyway.
11) social rules you think are bullshit.
12) embarassing habits/obsessions. things you do excessively when you are sad.
13) critiques of the media/your school/social group, based not on what they portray but based on WHAT THEY LEAVE OUT (i.e. what is NOT DISCUSSED that should be).

14) get all anthropological on your mileu (i.e.  list the unwritten rules of your clique/religion/workplace, and the social pecking order) 

Whether you are a scientist working on quarks, or a Klansman with a fetish for teddy ruxpin, or a college girl who is wrestling with self-determination-vs.-sluttiness issues. . . this 14-point secret-spy-style blog program is garunteed to produce a fun/sad/real blog. If you know any blogs like this, leave a comment and let me know!  If you know anyone with a crap blog, email THEM a link to this, so that they can get pissed off and write me hate mail.

p.s.in case you’re curious, here are two blogs that actually do this.  STEREOLABRAT and BIGDEADPLACE. 

following is an ad from the Actual Internet:
I’m finally ready to start dating again.

I’m totally human.
 I’m totally content with all the other areas of my life, but would like to share some of my happiness with someone worthy.

I’m cute, more than pretty. But most guys then to say I’m pretty.

I’m Asian, petite, easily turned off my men who ONLY date Asian women, or have an Asian fetish. I don’t buy that “I prefer Asian women, I don’t have a fetish for them.” - whatever.

I work at a dot.com but I also have side career in the entertainment industry (no, not porn). 

It’s hard to describe exactly what I’m looking for in a guy. I usually don’t know until it smacks me upside the head.

I do know that I like guys who take care of themselves, aren’t lazy, have a career, have ambition, have some creativity, and aren’t assholes.

I tend to like guys who are confident and are intelligent. I’m not talking MENSA intelligent, but you know…you can hold your own and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to take you out in public.

Anyway, like I said I’m petite so I also like guys who are tall. (Something about feeling protected…you know?) - So at least 5′10 - 6′1 seems to work best for me. - But I’ve dated shorter guys and taller guys too…depends on how hot I think you are I guess.

I may sound kind of abrasive but I know exactly what I DON’T want, and if you’re that then I won’t waste your time or mine. I can promise you that much.

Have a nice day.

Ciao.

————————————————————————————————————-

Hi! I am writing because you are asian and petitie! and, since i am also 5′2″, i think we would be a good match.

>I work at a dot.com but I also have side career in the entertainment industry (no, not porn).

That is wonderful - i have not dated an Asian porn actor in months.  Also, once we are married maybe you can get me a job with your company.  Not a job where i have to show up every day, or have skills. Maybe i could work from home.  My parents’ home.  Or you could just, you know, give me the money.  Anyway, we can discuss that in a few weeks.

>It’s hard to describe exactly what I’m looking for in a guy. I usually don’t know until it smacks me upside the head.

See, it must be fate bringing us together. for years, my hobby has been smacking people upside the head, and now I finally find someone who likes that.   when you feel it, you will know i am exactly what you are looking for.  I can’t wait to sit around on my couch all day watching tv with you, since I don’t do anything else with my life.  but you’ll have to act fast, because they will repossess my tv next week.  if only i had a career or ambition, maybe i would pay for a new tv, but between smacking people and having an asian fetish I really have no time for that sort of thing.

>I tend to like guys who are confident and are intelligent. I’m not talking MENSA intelligent, but you know…you can hold your own and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to take you out in public.

you don’t have to be embarrassed me in public,  because we can stay in my parents’ house and order take-out.  problem solved!  i solve your problems because i believe in pleasing the lady’s. Plus I am a member of MESA. 

Anyway, send me your picture. Not one of your naked ones, because my Dad uses this computer and might see it.  If you really are Asian, i will tell you my address and you can come over. 

p.s.  let’s do this.

———————————————————————

ok — now it’s your turn.  what do you think was her response?

Ever wondered why why models say “People don’t understand. It’s HARD to be a model.”???

Or why actors say, “People don’t understand. . . it’s HARD to be an actor.”?
They’re not wrong  . . .it IS hard to  spend 90% of your income on your monthly facial surgery and give the remaining 10% to L. Ron Hubbard.  And, it IS hard to weigh 80 pounds and stand still for 8 hours while people take 8,000 pictures of you.  But, the fact is, Models could show up, eat 4 burritos, and snap a mere 3 pictures, and be home in time for church, and we’d be just as happy.  it IS hard. . . but here’s the thing: All the ‘hard’ stuff   is EXTRA.  It comes FROM OUT-COMPETING THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DO THOSE SAME THINGS.

That’s my rule: the more people want to do X (and the fewer jobs doing X), the more that  competition-skills  eclipse actual X-skills.   Every second that people put into out-maneuvering their peers for jobs, is a second they are NOT actually practicing their craft. 

skills are  REAL  to the extent that they are non-transferable.  They relate to thing X and only thing X.  for instance,  shooting a basketball or doing calculus or  knowing how to do a heart transplant are real skills.   Competition is a transferable skill, consisting of  a mix of opportunism, shamelessness, backstabbing,  undetectable deceit, egomania, schmoozing, meticulous friend-collecting-and-rolodexing, and  manipulation. . . . if you can outcompete your peers at selling insurance, you’re probably going to be able to sell shoes and comic books.  If you can  shmooze Hollywood executives, you can shmooze art collectors and influential academics.  schmoozing is like some kind of viral meta-skill that just endlessly proliferates accross jobs like the aids.

This is why actors today can’t act.  Their ‘skill set’ consists 90% of  knowing how to work the Hollywood system, and only 10% is left to learn how to pretend to be a wise-cracking alien.  Politicians, having the most powerful, sought-after jobs on the planet, are even more skewed:  they spend 99% of their time working the system, and only 1% actually passing laws.  That’s why any reformers don’t get elected: not that there is a conspiracy, just people who care more than 5% about serving the people simply aren’t spending the 99% that is necessary to learn competition skills essential to getting elected.

The corollary to this rule:  the more competition there is for a few jobs X, the more jobs open up for MIDDLEMEN whose jobs are totally not necessary to actually getting thing X done!  The middlemen function as GATE-KEEPERS, who devise new and more complicated hoops for contenders to jump through to prove themselves.  Ok, you can’t just wave your boobs around to support your team.  Now you have to make a pyramid and smile and yell about balls a lot. You can’t just rap anymore: you have to ‘brand’ yourself and sell sneakers, cologne and  large pants.  And you certainly can’t learn about tax laws,  social injustice, and the history of democracy – you have to learn about polls, spin doctors, tv makeup and backroom dealings. 

An additional irony: the audience actually gives not a fuck about all that stuff.  They’d be HAPPIER with random fine broads in the audience hopping onto the football field and shaking around, HAPPIER with politicians who knew the problems of the average person and actually, like, read the laws they were passing, HAPPIER with actors who had more emotion about their role than their burger-king tie-in merchandise. And, back in the real world, people would be happier avoiding office politics and actually doing their jobs. 

In conclusion:  the middlemen plus the emphasis on competition-skills combine to detract from the doing-the-actual-fucking-thing skills. Also they combine to distort and pervert the original goals of the actual thing. . . all these extra hoops are erected, connections eclipse talent, and the audience in time will care more about the horse-race aspects of the competition than the thing itself!  Whether it’s pop music (American idol etc.) or politics (forget bush’s position on the issues. . . do you think his swift boat vet strategy will backfire?) or work (who cares if the report is done on time ? who is going to get credit for it?).

go head and put it on your car and drive around. everyone wins!

I used to believe there was no God.  However, recently I had a vision.  It came to me in the shower, after a significant amount of Smirnoff.  But a vision nonetheless: if the catholics can drink wine, I can drink vodka. At least my libation doesn’t turn to blood in my fucking duodenum. But I digress.

\
 I  believe that there IS a God.  He loves you, forgives you, and all that.  But he can’t contact or save you or influence you, any more than you can influence or contact him.  He can only watch you, your ups and downs, your lies and your virtues, wanting to touch you, but failing.  His ONLY contact with the human soul comes when a person dies.  As the human’s soul slips out of the body, God slips into the body.  But the body is dead so God can’t do anything. In every graveyard there are hundreds or thousands of lonely bits of God.  And this goes on, forever.  You can spend your whole life praying to Him, but you only encounter Him the second you die, and in a millisecond later, before you can even see his face, your soul is floating up in the sky, to disperse forever, like so much secondhand smoke.  No heaven.  No hell.  Just a God that loves us and is forever denied, over and over.  Trapped in our rotting husks.  Still just as cut off from humanity as he was in Heaven. 

/
So, what should I call this religion of mine?  No fair saying ‘shultzzzisfuckedupism’. . .   I am trying to have a very mature theological and epistemological discussion here. 

So, I read SNOOP DOGG’S autobiography.  It is called the DOGGFATHER.  You must read this.  It is so fucking fantastic I don’t know where to start.

First, it’s my favorite kind of autobio: the kind where they brag about all the sex and drugs that they had, but AT THE SAME TIME they go “But, take it from me, don’t do that stuff!!  It is terrible!! All you need is Jesus! You don’t need  to fuck 4 groupies at one time  on top of a bed made out of cocaine and hundred-dollar bills like I did. Often.  That is so shallow and unfulfilling. Especially when it was really weak coke.  But anyway: Jesus.  All you have to do is pray and you will be more happy than I am, snorting heroin off of the vice-president’s daughter’s ass in my solid gold biplane.  You’re so lucky!!!”

Not only does snoop have the jesus thing going on, but  here is how he starts the book:

To increase the peace.

To spread the music.

To elevate and educate.

You might never hear another thing about me, who I am and where I’m coming form . but if you remember those words you’ll know all you need to about snoop dogg. Straight from the source.

I guess I’m an old white person who is out of touch with life on Tha StReEtZ.  I had absolutely NO IDEA that ‘elevate and educate’ was slang for ‘smoke blunts all day and make pornos.’   Those wacky slang-makers.  What will they think of next?  Remember that time the president made that crazy slang expression?  He was all like ‘saddam has weapons of mass destruction’ and really he meant ‘lots of sand?’  and all the reporters didn’t get it because they weren’t down with the streetz?  Haha.  Slang. 

. I tried to keep it real, never to sell the truth, always to tell the truth.  And if there’s one reason why you know the name snoop dogg and I don’t know yours, it’s because telling the truth has given me the props I need to carry out god’s purpose and plan.

‘telling the truth has given me the props I need to carry out god’s purpose?’ what the hell?  Not only is that not true,  that’s not even real slang!!  Nobody talks like that.  

You know you’re in trouble when the very words ‘I want to tell the truth’ are written by a ghost writer.

Seriously, he could not have picked a worse ghostwriter than Davin Seay.  It’s like he said, “OK, I gotta promote my new sneakers today, and work on an ad campaign for my cologne, plus take my kids to basketball practice, plus. . .what the ?? I gotta finish my book today too? Ok, get me a writer.  What do you mean they’re all busy?  Look, get me the guy who writes Archie and Jugghead comics. He owes me a favor.  Never mind what favor. He’ll know what it’s about.  Get me the Archie guy, tell him he needs to finish it by tomorrow.” 

Check out this description of his Sweedish audience:

As far as you can see is an ocean of pale face, blue eyes, and blond hair, and every one of them jamming hard and heavy like they were partying at a Compton club on a Saturday night.

Can you even picture that? “c’mon guys, let’s jam hard and heavy!” “Yeah, for sure! It’ll be super awesome and diggity!”    seriously, try picture Snoop Dogg saying that.   

Maybe you wish you could be just like me, working my game and busting my moves.

In every rap I ever recorded, in the mad flow of every street-corner freestyle I ever represented, there was only one thing I wanted to get across: the way that it is.   . .

Again with the irony.  Yeah, tell me how it really is.  Tell me the total truth about  flowing with representations, streets, def things of that nature. 
It’s just as awesome when he tries to get political:

The media’s got an interest in making life in the ghetto out to be a living hell, with brothers shooting at each other all the ttime, crack on the playground, and pimps and whores on every street corner. 

Now, where would they have gotten that idea from?? Those bad media people!  did they listen to his song, ‘downtown assassin’?

come through blastin,me as a Downtown Assassin
Mashin,may they rest in peace in they caskets
In my zone,Don Corleone wanted
For the murder of forty men
Ordered to hit and watch him kill again and again
From the U-S-C,I shift ki’s,a 120 plane rides
Got paid by cops and judges,I budge when I buzz
I got the City of Long Beach goin crazy for drugs

yeah, lots of rhymes there about the ordinary, god-fearing citizens of long beach.

What follows that, is 150 pages of the most painful slang:

On sex:

It was my duty as a homeboy to try and get next to as many of the little foxes as I could.

On the fatness of scrilla: In snoop dogg’s world, . . . the bad guys are badder, the good guys are gooder, the scrilla is fatter.. . .

 On rap: It was going to change our lives, for better and for good.

On being an UnMexican who drives lowriders and wears kakhis with pendletons: Brothers invented what’s cool and everybody else just follows along. Music, fashion, lifestyle – black is the bomb. 

On pot:

The situation with chronic is definitely one you can’t work out on a one-plus-one tip.

On the gangster lifestyle:

Every night is an opportunity to get down and loud until the sun cracks over the horizon and you head back to your plush crib.

We were straight up capitalists and we had a very simple theory of economic determination: we were about the green.

The (rolling) Twenties got our thrill from a big choking wad of dead presidents.. . .

. . . Living large and throwing down major scrilla.

On his old hotel:

We did some wicked partying down at the Stallion.

On romance:

I’m here to tell you there aren’t any motherfucking daisy fields in my neck of the ‘hood.

Picture caption:

Me, my pops, and some of my signifying homeskillets.

On integrity:

I wasn’t interested in rap as a way to get driven around downtown in the back of limo (sic) with a dukey rope and briefcase full of broccoli and some fly bitch on her knees tending to my jammy.

On success:

There’s no shortcuts, no cheats, and no microwavable creativity that you can cop.

On the enduring popularity of rap music:

Bust this – there’s some  phat  cuzzes out there laying down crazy rhymes in combination.

On overcoming obstacles in life:

God isn’t interested in any chicken heads on His team.

That is amazing.  All the more so, since the writer thinks ‘chickenheads’ means people without courage. 

On fatherhood:

 I don’t know about you, but for snoop dogg there have been certain special moments that, looking back, have broken my flow in half.

On doctor dre’s social life:

Dre was sitting in the kitchen in a gym suit, watching his cook get breakfast together for a couple dozen sleepy-eyed party peeps.

Snoop makes no note of whether the “Sleepy-eyed party peeps” were wearing feety pajamas.  By the end of the book, the writing stops being bad slang, and just starts being nonsense:

On holding his newborn son:

I picked him up and held his little body, about as light as an elbow.

On his murder charge:

 The d.a. . . . nothing was going to stop them until they’d hammered me to the wall with a nail gun. 

Anyway, seriously, you need to read this.   or i’ll hammer you to the wall with a nail gun. you sleepy-eyed party peep, you.

. . . . don’t drink and download P2P pirate music.

. . . you might wind up with “Beethoven - fidelio- 13 - Ha! Welch ein augenblick!.mp3″

what the hell?

seriously. let this be a warning to you kids.

So, low-rise jeans.  This is a thing that people do.  Still.  But now it’s gotten to the point where if you talk about a lady’s cleavage, I assume you mean her pelvis cleavage, where you can see the start of her legs above her pants-line.   As this ASCII art demonstrates:
   \                      /
   |                     |
   | __________|
  /            *         \
/                          \
| ____\_____/___|  <---
|   ;     ;   |P  ;    ;   |
\           _|_           /
 |          |    |         |
 |          |    |         |
What the hell. That’s not even sexy. At that point, it just looks like a mistake. Like, “Oh, I forgot to have pants, ever. Guess I’ll borrow a pair from my Barbie.”   And of course the women wear these things with this fake nonchalance-  they’re all, like,  “What? It’s the style.” 

So, imagine for a second what would happen if GUYS tried doing something like that.

I am talking about, what if dudes EVERYWHERE started just  walking around with our flies unzipped.  Just totally down, all day. 

And if a lady went, “dude, your zipper is down.”  We’d be like, “What? It’s the style.  This is NOT undignified!  This does NOT look like a total mistake! This is HIGH FASHION damn it!  I’M LOOKING FABULOUS THIS WAY!” 

Or we could go the indignant route: “My zipper?  What? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN THERE FOR ANYWAY?? !?  Um, HELLO, I’m UP HERE.  Up HERE.  Geez, what is the problem with you women today??”
Or we could go with the old, “well if you don’t like it, don’t look.  It’s not about you.  I’M DOING THIS FOR MEEE!!  What’s the big deal anyway? I’m just walking around in public with my fly down, duh! ”

I dunno. I just think it would be awesome.

Sorry I have not been updating this blog. I have been rennovating my whole site.  like, 10 hours a day. 

First, I made a FRONT PAGE that links to ALL my damn sites, so it is no longer so damn confusing.

Second, i redesigned a lot of the older websites so they do not suck so bad.  everything has a new easier-to-read look. even TDR is a bit more black-and-white-ish.

Also i noticed that my old sites’ content was hella disorganized so i took care of that. 

 i took all the mp3s and put them all in INEPT RECORDS page.

took all the travel reports and put them in TRAVEL.

took all the pages of wacky google searches that led people to my page, and put them on the SEARCH page.

 and of course all the cool links from all my old sites are  collected on this page. 

It’s going to be a nother few days before I finish my rennovation. In the meantime, though, please check out the sites i just redesigned.

Leave comments here– about the writing, about the new designs (good? bad?), and KIND OF IMPORTANT- if you find broken links or missing pictures, let me know, ok?

also, I’m looking for a stat tracker.  Something that is cheap, lets me look at the search strings people use, and that unambiguously tells me how many IP addresses visit my page on a given day. I don’t want to hear about ‘page requests’ or ‘file requests.’  I want to know how many asses are sitting in chairs looking at my stuff.  If you have a suggestion, let me know.

next week I’ll get back to ranting.

i was going through my old site, HOME DESPOT, making sure the links worked after i moved to this new server.  Decided to take all the links off of there, and put them here. so now ALL my links from all my sites are on one page.  (permanent links to these sites are on the right-hand-side, in the ‘that wacky internet’ section)

“lego lady the dungeon is the best place in lego land!! YES LEGO MAN i agree!! but what is behind the wall over there!! NOTHING LEGO LADY PLEASE KEEP DRINKING THE DUNGEON WINE “
HOTBOOTS : what part of HOTBOOTS don’t you understand?  BUT ALSO they have the boot galleries cross referenced by make and model. this is why women will never make good perverts.

MASTER JACK and his 3-d lettering, and his ‘black viking’ bondage suit. ” Viewed by 7,523,114 horny men since July 24, 1997″

 
Want mail-order brides, asian porn, geishas? go to BIGBADCHINESEMAMA.COM

A-REPORT . . where to begin . . . it’s like Siskel and Ebert for whores.

roadkill quarterly — this issue: Australia!!!
 

ESTHER.COM :

“E” is for the EXAMPLE to others, to more than just her peers;
a life dedicated, hard-working, and of overcoming one’s fears.

“S” is for the STAR she is; and not just one of the night;
her beauty and intelligence, a shining beacon of light.

“T” is for the TRUTH in her words, to both strangers and friends;
her actions straightforward, never more that she would pretend.

“H” is for the HONOR she brings to her family name,
upholding tradition and values, even within the price of fame.

“E” is for the ENJOYMENT of new travels, and people she’s met.
and one just as happy, in seeing smiles of those less fortunate.

“R” is for the REALIZATION that discovery is within the unknown;
a personal journey lasting a lifetime, before one is fully grown.

MASHI MARO: the anti-Kitty. the cutest KOREAN bunny to be drunk, in jail, pooping everywhere with a plunger on his head. . . you can’t even handle these animations
MY FIGHTING TECHNIQUES ARE UNSTOPPABLE!!“Who goes there? He who sneaks up on me sneaks up on his own ass-kicking!”

THE OFFICIAL NINJA HOMEPAGE:

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

FARK:

MISANTHROPIC BITCH.
“· What did your mother do to make you so mean toward women?????
Isn’t it strange that feminists solely blame my mother for my outcome? What about my father? He molested me, for God’s sake. And took photos! Sexy photos of my bald, prepubescent snatch!
· Your site just provides an excuse for men to beat their wives!
And some people say my existence serves no purpose. If I can justify even one case of domestic violence, my life has meaning. ”
 

 ”Sorry guys, chicks love dreadlocks. You might want to add one large wooden stick to the “What you’ll need” section, cause you’re gunna need something to beat off all the babes chasing you down.” 

THE PRIME-NUMBER-SHITTING BEAR  

The sexiest flowchart ever 

ROCKANDROLL CONFIDENTIAL: millions of promo photos of shitty bands, with thought-provoking captions 

“Conquering a Majestic Legion Into Funeral Shadows”

“Into The Crucified Horizon Under Blazing Wrath”

BRAINWASHED’S LIST OF A MILLION ABSURD BUT REAL BAND NAMES

the ONLY REMOTELY PLAUSIBLE explanation for why racial fetishes spread through our culture

some of the BEST TEXT ANIMATION i’ve ever seen . . . and i HATE text animation!! make sure and notice how all the words change everytime the saxophone hits a new note. what makes this so NUTS is it’s a bebop jazz tune so the saxomophone is honking in an INCREDIBLY COMPLEX pattern, and this lady actually sat down and synched the video to the audio. she rocks hard!!

THE CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA: ’save the planet, kill yourself’ the COE aims to prevent overpopulation in four easy steps:

abortion * sodomy * cannibalism * suicide