tues/ wed july 16/17
plane ride
take off was delayed. landing was delayed. forty-five minute wait in customs. 90 minute train to Tokyo. eeugh. I'm in a business suit with a hello kitty backpack looking very respectable.
Tokyo fashion report
women have Spanish seniorita blouses and 'low cut' socks
(socks that expose most of the top of the foot, often rimmed with lace) both
disgusting in their own way.
Oh, and transparent, plastic bra straps, and helmetlike, chin-length orange
hair.
Just vast amounts of orange helmet hair.
nothing else is extreme or even funny these days. boo hoo. .. .but Audrey Hepburn sheath dresses occur occasionally so yay.
wacky Japan guy haircuts
a
1) using hair gel to make a fake Mohawk even though you've got a full head
of hair
2) hair a half inch long, but maybe 1 inch long and spikey on the back of
the head where you'd normally put a yarmulke.
3) and of course... BRIGHT ORANGE AFRO!!!.
and of course, here is the MOST FASHIONABLE SHIRT IN ALL JAPAN:
(please note the winsome little spider that accompanies the slogan)
PET PEEVES ABOUT TOKYO
cell phones: you can't hear anything the other person is fucking saying unless you're in the hotel. otherwise it's too noisy. how the hell did these fucking things get so popular? Why is everyone talking in normal voices instead of just spending the entire call yelling 'what? WHAT ??'
for a famously clean society, try finding a garbage can on the street. Or a napkin in a restaurant for that matter. Even when you DO get an napkin, they make them out of WAX PAPER here. Fucking wax paper??? The most non-absorbent material in the universe??? What the hell?
also I get weary of the pointless stoicism-- the fashion victims are dressed in clothes at least as stifling as the average businessman. I mean, suffering for a cause is noble but suffering for no reason, that's just dumb.
Jesus, this is the most venal culture. There's a hundred ways that places rip off their customers. $25 shows. Oh, plus you have to pay a $5 club fee. Oh, plus there's a $5 mandatory drink ticket, so sorry, oh, plus you have to kiss my puckered rectum, so sorry. In the bookstore you can't bring a pencil and write the name of a book title, because then you might buy the book somewhere else. In the club, you can't bring food, you have to buy from the club pub at inflated prices. Don't you people get tired of this kind of bullshit???
but on the good side, there's a refreshing absence of pregnant women.
also, new evidence of the Japanese wrapping-mania. . . At the minimart, you can buy - get this-individually shrink-wrapped ears of corn. Yuko can't understand why I'm cracking the fuck up. Jesus Christ.
Thursday… July 18
shopping, kayoko
check out the emperor's garden. The plants are ok, but
the awesome part is the giant stone walls guarding the palace. I felt like
a flea crawling on the skin of 'the thing'.
then I go to Tokyo metropolitan museum. The art is ok, but the awesome thing was the guards. they have some teenage girl sitting every ten feet. literally dozens of these girls in identical blue uniforms sitting on chairs staring into space . it wasn't sexy or cute. it was kind of scary. like they were in suspended animation or something. like walking into a tomb of mummified girls. I didn't know whether to feel sorry for them for having a boring job or glad for them to not have to work hard. but eerie, man I tell you.
then I go back to the Broadway mall, the best mall for Tokyo. (it's in Nakano, if you ever get the opportunity to visit) the Japanese waiter at the Italian restaurant teaches me the phrase 'I don't speak Japanese' (watashi wa nihongo ga wakarimasen) which I try on unsuspecting citizens for the remainder of the trip. then I go to the toy store looking for Tokomo but the guy tells me she don't work there no more. shoot. nonetheless I persevere, finding a store full of nothing but yaoi manga.
For those that don't know, YAOI manga are mad-magazine style parody comics drawn by fans. Everyday, normal, non-famous woman take established comicbooks characters (or movie stars, or rock stars, etc.) and draw their own stories. Except in YAOI comics, all the stories are GAY, GAY, GAY. No one knows why japanese women fetishize the gay man so much. The lady working at the store says Japanese women want to have sex like men ,without fear of pregnancy. Also there is an illicit thrill in spying on something you're not supposed to see. Because the reader wishes she was a gay man, usually one of the main characters is a very effeminate man, who's dating a real hunk. Naturally I buy the HARRY POTTER gay child porn comic, drawn by a woman. Jesus, what a fucked up country.
then I visit another store, this one full of cosplay gear. I make friends with the lady (Shi) and she invites me to a cosplay event next week, yay. Cosplay, for those who don't know, is the hobby where you spend $400-1000 on a costume and dress up like your favorite anime/ comicbook/ videogame character. Then you go to a convention hall and take pictures of each other. You don't actually ACT like that character, or have S.C.A. type adventures where you beat people up with foam swords. You just show off your costume ( that, usually, you didn't even make yourself ) and get your picture taken by middle aged perverts.
then I meet kayoko. my pen pal. she's tall and thin and expensively dressed: a real 'Shinjuku' lady. I'm intimidated! She's my age, but much more confident and ladylike than me!
We go to a crappy expensive restaurant. she says they have vegetarian food but not true! rice has egg in it. coconut had shrimp in it. and the tofu, the waiter just took a dump in it while we watched. what the heck? why do Japanese feel the need to fuck up perfectly good food with one extra ingredient???
Friday July 19
mika live show, dinner with new friends
Shibuya is where I go today. Shibuya is the center of Kogal culture, also
home of hip-hop record stores and nightclubs. I'm looking for tickets to Japan
rap shows. I find ads for a gang of anime events, but how much fun will that
be all by myself? i don't understand any of the characters, who they are and
what TV series or video game is their natural context. shit, I should have
made some boy pen pals. . .
none of these anime geeks in the stores speak any English. you'd think if they were so science fiction they could at least invent some translator or something. . .
plus there's only one pimp working the streets of Shibuya today and even he's not really trying. nobody is dressing slutty besides the fifteen year olds. maybe that's why. . .
all the black dudes here dress like new york African Americans. but they're actually real Africans or carribeans. so it's funny, real Africans imitating miseginated, light-skinned USA black people. the Japanese kids don't know the difference, and even if they did, they don't care about authenticity. but I wonder what real new york brothers would feel about it. .. .
so I head off to 20000v, my favorite punk club. I'm going
to see my penpal Mika's band, Emulsion
then I make friends with some gay nerds and their crew of tiny, giggly, fag hag tech support girls. they take me out to dinner afterwards. it's really fun, they're so friendly.
some guy tries to hit on one of the girls (the
girl who looks 8 years old naturally) and my friend narrates the pick up in
real time in English!! rad!!!
then we miss the last train. so I take a taxi home.
Saturday July 20
park pornography, ruins show
so I spend all day sleeping in Shinjuku gyoen. it's
the size of golden gate park but elaborately sculpted to the smallest detail.
tropical jungle vies with koi ponds for dominance. the air is full of crow
calls and cricket noise and wind. it's hot and humid as hell in here, but
the wind is warm like a whaddaya call it, uh, a lover.
so
there's people sleeping, kids playing, old people having picnics, family fun,
and in the middle of all this is a bunch of old guys with cameras taking pictures
of some girl in a schoolgirl uniform sucking a lollipop?? and then a bunch
of other guys show up and a bunch of other girls in schoolgirl outfits. and
no one seems to notice, which is just as weird. I 'm totally freaking out.
. . what the fuck???? how can this society function like this???? I try to
ask one of the guys but he says he doesn't speak English. whatever, pervo.
anyway, I'm going to the ruins show, with Akemi. She's this totally huge burly redneck drummer girl I met last vacation. but then Akemi shows up like 20 minutes late (typical musician) and by the time she takes me to the show, we've missed half the first band. which happens to be ruins, the only band I wanted to see tonight. oh, did I mention this is the single most expensive concert I've ever paid for in my life? forty-five dollars!!!! the only good part of this is, she didn't make me pay for her ticket. why? because her fucking boyfriend paid. oh, great, you've got a boyfriend. How handy. Jesus. so I watch the ruins, and I can't even enjoy it because I'm so pissed off. which just makes me even more mad!!!!
here's akemi being massaged by mika
so ruins were good... in theory.
next band was some imitation jean luc ponty violin progressive rock wankery.
then some bad spaztic prog, the kind where they kind of do grindcore for 3 seconds with surf guitar. I'm pretty over that style.
and then . . . . GIGALI-MUTA
fucking Japanese klesmer band!!!!! What the fuck??? japanese progressive eastern-european jewish music?? I want to yell at everyone here, 'hello, this is JEWISH MUSIC, you're rocking out to JEWISH MUSIC!!! HELLO????' Jesus, the night is saved after all. later I go to the stage and get Yoshida to sign my kitty purse.
oh, and they had modern art dancing too. we're not sure why. . .
Sunday July 21
Saiya, visual #1
meet Saiya the Australian dynamo. we go shopping
in Harajuku. normally Sunday is the big fashion show cosplay day, but it's
too hot for Victorian ruffles and corsets. it's so dead here there's actually
room to walk in the street. I'm wearing the gayest outfit of all time...
that's a fuzzy baby-blue Kangol visor there, and you can't see it but i'm also rocking pink Converse lo-tops that match my Kitty-chan backpack and bracelet. And hair...
As we get on the train at Shinjuku station, we pass what can only be described as a Japanese jug-band with a washboard, a banjo and even a washtub bass. Jesus.
so we ride the subway for an hour by ourselves but it's ok, because there's
some little rocker girls. in America they'd be mall rats. but here they're
'visual rock fans' and we talk to them for a while. plus there's these six
adorable identical 8 year old girls with matching buns in hair nets coming
back from some dance class.
then some bands play. I'm appalled. they aren't vampires or spacemen or glam. they're shitty guns and roses or blink 182 clones. it's exactly the same kind of utter crap as America. what the fuck? Saiya says this is . . . normal for visual kei shows nowadays. Jesus. I can understand the kids want to see something new after all this time, but this shit isn't even visual!!!!! they could have tried some different gimmicks. . . mummies, or mole-people, or pirates, or something. . . but just rock music? so shitty!!!! and they have this new rule where you can't take pictures. What kind of bullshit is that? There's not more than 100 people in the audience. This isn't the fuckin' Michael Jackson/britney spears tour, you'd think these small bands would be happy for the publicity. Greedy, petty bastards.
Fatima plays first. that's my friends` favorite band. They're both united and divided over their mutual lust for the singer. they leave the theater right after Fatima plays. how crazy is that? take a train 90 minutes to see 30 minutes of music for $35. and Fatima aren't even that good. I guess that's what happens when you hit 30 and don't have a boyfriend. Ouch!!
hotaru plays next. they're sort of 'my first visual band' by Hasbro. costumes look like their mom made them.
then plastic. the worst band of the night. fake guns and roses. with mullets.
then iro-ha. still not what you'd call 'good' but at least they seemed to be having fun,
kamikaze: the most popular band of the night. blink 182 clones. they had everyone pogo which was a mitigating factor.
then vogus image. one of those bands with matching black suits and melted hair. at least they tried. I guess.
the second-best part of the show is between bands when the girls try so shove
their way to the front yelling various excuses like 'those spots are saved
for us'. the whole crowd wobbles back and forth as girls ram their way to
the front. it's so funny because it's done in a very girlish way, but it's
so serious!!! it's bullying in a way I've never experienced. there's no threats
or obvious displays of power. but it's awesome. . .
ride the subway home with Saiya and her pals Izumi and Rena
Monday July 22
Kaoru,Saiya and VK #2
in the afternoon, I finally meet my pal Kaoru.
For those of you who read the SCANDINAVIAN JOURNAL. . . Kaoru is the crazy Tokyo metalhead who went all the way to Oslo for some metal shows. This is my first time to meet her in Japan. I think she was kind of undercover today...
THIS EVENING, I run off to meet Saiya and Rena and whatshername at Shibuya. they're all in matching yukatas (like lightweight summer kimonos) which apparently Japanese men find sexy.
visual kei show #2 at SHIBUYA CYCLONE
rush-- first of all , they're named rush. Jesus. they are barefoot with gray jumpsuits splattered with paint. oh, and not very good .
grim-- anything but. bassist looked straight out of an old issue of fruits, which was good.
kiagare --Saiya said they weren't a 'real' band. . . the lineup changes every show and they only play cover tunes. but there were 4 singers, 4 guitars, and matching bloody clothes. they entered from the rear and sort of SWAM into the audience.
and proceeded to rock so fucking hard I don't see why the other bands would even try to follow them. it's like the difference between kigare and 'everyone else' was so vast, no one should even bother trying. every song captured the vicious climax that ends a visual set. but they held this climax for the whole show. the girls were going crazy, lots of injuries. I was sad that the girls seemed to be NOT slamming me because I was a busu gaijin (ugly foreigner). so when someone DID hit me I turned around and gave a thumbs up and she giggled . . . then 4 blonde beach-bitch girls were holding hands in a circle and headbanging (after violently clearing a hole in the middle of the crowd) and one of them grabs my hand and joins me in the group. I feel utterly euphoric. not so much sexual euphoria as the thought of belonging.
the headbanging is this unique visual kei style that's more like a figure 8 windmill.
after that, gil e kadith plays. I saw them last year. they're punky sounding still but minus the medial paraphernalia.
Fatima played and the singer wore this retarded skintight Iggy-pop leopard print unitard. but whatever.
hotaru-- the crap mullethead band from last night played again to my dismay
after the show the girls are convinced I'm the only one that the Fatima bassist will talk to, and shove me at him. he's in his van. I ask who his favorite Canadian is. hey, I choked. I was on the spot.
As we're walking down the crowded street, Saiya's infallible pervo-vision spots the guitarist of Kigare walking by himself, so we all talk to him and he signs my purse!! I explain how more girls got hurt during his band, and he's into it!
TUESDAY July 23
meet Yuko
go
meet Yuko Matsuoka in Yokohama. I'm surprised she's totally tall and happy,
and also very very butch. wide shoulders and a loping man's gait. she's got
this big surgical splint on her leg.
(that's Yuko there with her even harder-core, boxer brother Yuka)
we go to her house and it's a tiny tiny room filled with stuffed animals, a live tarantula, another live tarantula, a giant snapping turtle in a aquarium so small it can't turn around, and of course rafure-chan the African owl.
she plays me her favorite music and we have a fun time talking.
Besides taxidermy and tarantula importing, and freelance photography, and stalking RUINS, her hobby is taking pictures of gorgeous women. she says they ask her to do it because they see her with a big professional camera. she says they want a glamorous photo to keep as a memory for when they get old and ugly, and feel more comfortable with a woman photographer. why? I ask. because the photos are nude. what, you mean some strange woman comes up to you on the street and asks you to take nude pictures? where? sometimes at their house, sometimes behind a car in a parking lot. Oh, real glamorous!! and best of all, they think she's straight, and they think it's their idea to pose.
I say, you are SUCH a pimp.
Then she picks up the phone and is talking to someone. She hands me the phone. 'it's yoshida-san from the ruins' buh?? I mean, juh?? What the hell can I say to this guy?? Jesus, that's amazing. I tell him, ' this Yuko character is going to flow you some of my new CDs, let me know what you think, ok?'
then we go eat, and just as a gag I order the curry donut. I figure, it can't possibly be really a curry donut. doh
. 
then we meet her brother, Yuka. he doesn't speak English but she translates. she started living with him when she was 14, so she got to go to all these totally legendary hardcore shows in junior high school. he's a total hardcore maniac. he plays me these rare records, and answers questions about the old school scene.
apparently the hardcore scene in 1980 in Tokyo was like this:
no one had tattoos back then. everyone was 15 -18, and came to shows to fight each other. so much violence that someone died at one show, and then it was banned. also shows were cheap and venues more plentiful.
then we go to Italian food served inside this aquarium, by some Japanese guy who likes black Sabbath.
they are asking me what's my perfect woman and I tell about I like Greek girls, I draw a picture and they crack up-- I've drawn a caricature of a famous male anime villain!!