LEARNING KANJI WITH RADICALS ON THE EFFING INTERNET
Radicals are the little simple drawings that kanji are made up of. Japanese are strange because, unlike Chinese, Japanese only know maybe 10% of radicals. but the other 90% they don't even realize it is a radical even though it might be a component of like 50 different kanjis!!
For example: if you show this 暖 to your Japanese friends, they might insist it has only one radical ( 日 ). So what is the other 90% of it?? 9 random chicken-scratch lines?
It's as if English speakers had the letters A, B, D, Ｆ、 H, M, N, Q, R, S, W, and Z, and treated words with other letters as a random series of scribbles to be memorized by rote!
In my system, not only does every part of 暖 have a name, but by the time we get to 暖 , you will already have LEARNED all the parts, and so learning 暖 will be easy!
And you know who is even weirder than Japanese? Stupid effing foreigners!! Because every foreign kanji book I have read copies the Japanese method. Pedagocially speaking, durr!! So I had to make my OWN method of studying kanji, which gives names to all the radicals. If the exact same series of lines is used in 3 or more kanjis, I made a name for it, and I list it in my kanji dictionary right next to the “real” kanjis.
And each kanji has a “story,” or “mnemonic,” a sentance which uses the names of the component radicals to help you memorize that kanji.
Most students AND kanji books use slipshod, random metaphors in their mnemonics. I used to do that too, and it got hella confusing. So I one-upped the other textbooks AGAIN by making each kanji AND each radical correspond to one English keyword. This makes the mnemonic system kind of rational and easy to use: you don’t waste time trying to remember which metaphor you are using for a given radical.
Another problem with existing kanji books is they don’t teach you how to memorize the on-yomis. I solve this by treating the on-yomis as just another radical! That is to say, they are just another component of a kanji, albeit an audio one. So, each on-yomi ALSO corresponds to one English keyword, and the onyomis ALSO are used in the same mnemonic sentences alongside the radicals.
A third problem of most kanji books is that they teach kanji grouped according to subject. For example, a typical book will put these in the same chapter: 寒い 暖かい 涼しい 熱い 温かい , because they all have to do with temperature. however radical-wise, they are in total chaos. You gotta learn like 17 or 18 different radicals to learn these 5 kanjis, and most of the time, you’ll forget the radicals before you ever encounter another kanji which uses that radical! I hate this.
What I did, was first, I arranged all the kanjis from simple to complex. I did this by starting with the simplest kanji ever. Once I have taught you 10 or so kanjis/radicals, I can start combining them to form new and more complex kanji. ? which becomes a simple kanji because you already know the parts. Sometimes just by teaching you one new radical, and combining it with ones you already know, there are like 10 or 15 kanjis which result. That means a) you get hella practice learning the one new radical, because all those 10-15 kanjis are using it, and b) you can learn 10 new kanjis without having to learn any new strokes at all!! In fact, in my system, MOST of the new kanjis are just re-arrangements of stuff you know with NO new lines.
Only when all the combinations of new-radical-plus-kanji-you-already-knew are exhausted . . .only then do I introduce a new radical. And the process repeats. This way, there’s an order or logic to it. Unlike most books, you’re never going to encounter a new kanji full of unknown radicals. At most the new kanji will have ONE new radical. And you’re never going to scratch you head and wonder, “Damn! This totally looks like another kanji but I forgot which one!”
To solve that problem, I just recently added another dimension to my kanji page: ROOTS. What does roots mean? It means that the entry for each kanji includes a list links to the components of that kanji . So a) it’s easy to refresh your memory if you forgot which radical means what. And b) it becomes possible to study the kanji out of order, and skip the more boring ones.
Say you don’t have time to learn all 2,000 kanji on my page. You want to learn one specific kanji, such as 認 , but it’s hella hard. So you just open up my page and CONTROL+F to open up the “find text” window, and enter 認 . (don’t use any hiragana please!). The entry for 認 will come up. And right below it are INTERNET HYPER WEB LINKS that lead to the corresponding entries for all the components of 認 :
I tried to arrange the links in the same left-to-right top-to-bottom order in which you’d read the corresponding radicals.
Now, in the case of 認 I could have arranged it so the roots list included all the most basic building blocks:
ONE + ONE + ONE + ONE+ MOUTH + BLADE + HEART
but that would be long, complex, and over-emphasize radicals that you probably already know. Instead I make a roots list like this:
SAY + ENDURE.
Which is shorter, easier to remember, and includes entire kanjis, such as ENDURE ( 忍 ), which you might need to learn anyway. You see, a lot of the times in the past, I’d be making up a complex mnemonic for a kanji, and busting my ass trying to learn it, when ALL ALONG THAT KANJI WAS JUST 2 SIMPLER KANJIS I ALREADY KNEW PUT TOGETHER. ? but I didn’t realize it. that is not gonna happen in this system, partner, because I am deliberately using only the most complex components in my roots-list.
So anyway.
You click on SAY and it takes you to the page for 言 . The roots of 言 are 一 and 口 . But ? and here is the flexibility of my system ? you probably already know 一 and 口 , so you don’t have to backtrack any farther! You can just learn 言 , and then return to the 認 page and click on ENDURE, and it takes you to the page for 忍 . Then you can click on the roots of 忍 and find out what ITS roots are: 刃 blade, and 心 heart.
So to learn 認 , you start by learning heart, blade, and then you learn hide/endure, and and once you learned all that, you basically already know 認 (which means, to admit). So you gotta admit that the ROOTS feature is totally awesome even though I didn’t use Javascript or php or nothing.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
H: 30%
訓：いち、ひと＊つ
音: f
一日、
一時間、
一緒
story: eazy-e's debut album "EAZY duz it" went number one.
二 two
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：に、ふた＊つ、
音：
二番目、第二
vince NEIL has two chins.
三 three
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：さん、みっ＊つ
音：
三角形SANTA claus has three wives.
八 - eight
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：はち、やっ＊つ
音：ヤ
八人、八重歯 (double tooth)
story: when you gave her eight HATS, SHE was happy.
十 - ten
F ＊＊＊＊＊
二十二歳 (22 years old)
訓：じゅう
音：トオ
story: JEWS gave us the ten commandments, the foundation of Western morality.
下 - below, lower
F ＊＊＊＊＊
.
訓：した, さ*げる
音：ゲ、カ
下手 地下鉄 下品、
kun/on: ge, ka - shita, sageru
story: the GAY fella was under your CAR, cutting your brakes (FYI you're Dr. Laura).
不- un-
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Only used with other Kanjis.
音：ふ、ぶ
不幸、不安、
down plus one stroke. you can think of 不運 fuun (unlucky) or 不平等 (unfair) as being below or less than lucky or fair.
doing meth is fucking unlucky, and really fucking unwise.
了 - complete
F ＊＊＊
Only used with other Kanjis
訓・音：りょう
了解、完了、
To me it just looks like a semi-unbent coat hanger, which is COMPLETELY USELESS..
we have to REORDER more parts to have a complete set.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
.
訓：こ・ご
音：シ
双子、男の子、子息
COMPLETE + one line, which we'll think of as a shiv for now.
a child has been COMPLETELY STABBED. JESUS Christ, did i just think that??
SHE's still a child.
女 - woman
F ＊＊＊＊＊
.
訓：おんな
音：ジョ、メ
女様 女優、長女
好 −like
F ＊＊＊＊
Used mostly by itself
訓：す＊き, この＊む
音：コウ
大好き、好色、〜が好き
think you can handle this story by yourmyself??
how to tell them apart:
the woman likes her child.
kate moss likes COCAINE.
姦 - rape
F ＊＊
Only used with another Kanji!
訓・音：かん
強姦、視姦
Three women
Ghengis KHAN raped three women.
fucked roots alert.
口 - mouth / box radical
JERK RADICAL ALERT- although the kanji means mouth the radical sometimes means "box". Irritating but not totally a hassle when you consider that it looks more like a box than a mouth, anyway.
SWELL KANJI.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：くち
音：コウ (rarely used)
出口 口説く
my KUchi on your COLON .
story: an open mouth, just yelling at you . Always yelling! Again with the yelling JESUS WOULD
YOU SHUT UP ALREADY JUST SHUT UP. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. JUST CALL THE COPS. GREAT!
品 - products
品
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：しな
音：ヒン
品物、商品、品性、品がある
three boxes of products piled up in the back of a store.
please show HIM the boxes of products. (he's the customer)
叶 - grant a wish /dream come true
F ＊＊＊
Mostly used by itself
訓：かな＊う、かな＊える
音：キョウ (don’t worry!)
夢が叶う
please grant my wish to have ten mouths. (That would be awesome. 3 for Cheetos, and 4 for Pringles, and another 3 left over to swallow just fistfuls of MSG and benzene. )
how to remember the onyomi : KYOU (今日）my wish came true!
否 - no
F ＊＊
Only used with 定 , or sometimes used by itself
訓：いな
音：ヒ
否定
the mouth is UNhappy so it says no.
He said no, which is FUcked up.
古 - old
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：ふる＊い、ふる
音：コ (rarely used!)
古臭い、古本、古着屋
the KODOMO (子供 )will grow old someday with ten dentures in her mouth.
如 - lifelike
F ＊
Only used with another kanji, or some names
訓・音：ニョ・ジョ
如実
the blow.-up doll has a lifelike WOMAN's mouth
- corpse radical
that's what the book says anyway. . . .
, although i have no idea why! it's easy to remember though, so I'll roll with it. (it seems like a good 60% of kanjis it's involved with are dirty or polluted in some way, so maybe that is the origin?)If it's hard to remember, think of it as the corpse of the letter "P"-- for Dead Presidents.
居 - live
F ＊＊＊＊
Mostley used by itself
In that case, usually written in Hiragana
訓：い＊る
音：キョ
居住、居る
an old man living upstairs recently died and I found his corpse.
NEW ONYOMI:: from now on, when you see a new kanji whose onyomi is "kyo", please use "live" for the mnemonic!
- "4" radical
i have nothing to add.
叫 - shout
F ＊＊＊
Mostly used by itself
訓：さけ＊ぶ
音：キョウ
絶叫、〜と叫ぶ
mouth + the western number “4”
KYOU ( 今日) , I shouted with my mouth 4 times already!
言 - say
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：い＊う (sometimes written in Hiragana) 、こと
音：ゲン
言葉、言語、言い合う、〜と言う
3 + 1 (in other words, 4) + mouth
he used his mouth to say it 4 times already! if he says it AGAIN, i swear i'll stomp that ass.
計 - measure
F ＊＊＊＊
Used mostly with another kanji
訓：はか＊る (only when it means to “measure”)
音：ケイ
計る、計算、会計、〜を計る
say + ten - sounds like "satan!"
measure SATAN!!!!! he's just huge, dude!!
how to remember the onyomi : it’s OK to measure your pubic hair.
- heel radical
i learned this from the excellent "pictographics" - I'm using it because it looks like a heel , and because it's the katatkana "hi"!
比- compare
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：くら＊べる
音：ヒ
比較、男女比、〜と比べる、〜を比べる
two heels
HE's comparing the two heels , to see which is better.
叱 - scold
F ＊＊
訓：しか＊る
音：シッ (rarely used. Mostly with 責 )
叱る、叱責、〜を叱る
mom's mouth scolded her for wearing high heels, and she 's only 12.
尼 - nun
F ＊
Mostly used by itself
訓・音：あま
尼僧
it's the corpse of a nun who got poisoned-darted in the heel, all Achilles style.weird.
屁 - fart
F ＊＊
Mostly used by itself
訓・音：へ、ヒ
放屁、屁をする
If I had to compare your fart to the smell of a corpse, the fart would win.
FUCKED ROOTS ALERT! Try showing nun and fart to your japanese friends and watch them try to explain why.
日 -sun / day
kun/on: nichi,jitsu - hi
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：ひ、び、にち
音：ジツ、カ
水曜日、平日、日時、十日
mouth + line
SWELL RADICAL - usually means bright.
story: you shouldn't need a damn story for this, but I am drunk so here goes:
two mouths. one yelling, "don't look at the sun you idiot." and the other yelling, "Dood it will be awesome, you can see sun men all hanging out in there smoking sun -reefer, i swear to god, man, this dude told me it, go ahead."
frederich NIETSZHIE spends every day doing "ju JITSU." (all "HiyahhHHH!!!! Ubermench takedown!!" Philosophy was just a side-job; something he did to finance his bid for Ultimate Fightin' Champion.)
唱 - chant
F ＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：とな＊える
音：ショウ
合唱、熱唱、呪文を唱える
: shou, tonaeru
Story: The monk’s mouth is chanting a hymn to show the infidels his belief that there are two suns;one which illuminates the believers and one which burns the unclean!!! AIIIEEE THE END IS NIGH!!!
show me a chanting monk on a street corner, i'll show you a guy with his hand out for change.
晶 - crystal
F ＊
訓・音：ショウ
水晶
three suns
show me a crystal bright as 3 suns put together!!!
dmw danger!冒
旦 - sunrise
F ＊
Only used with 元
訓・音：タン
元旦
sun + line (in this case, not "1" but the horizon of the earth)
The sun rises over the earth, giving everyone a TAN.
旧 - former
旧
F ＊＊＊＊
Only used with another kanji
訓・音：キュウ
旧大臣、新旧、旧車、旧日本軍
One day I will again meet my CUTE former girlfriend.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：はや＊い
音：ソウ
早朝、早寝早起き、早漏
you have to get up SO early tomorrow, ten minutes before sunrise.
旨 - be great at , the gist
F ＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：うま＊い、むね
音：シ
主旨、旨味、〜が旨い、〜の旨
SHE is great at kicking. She kicks so high her heels go over the sun.
F ＊
Only used with 虫 or 布
訓・音
昆虫、昆布
DMF mina
The sun shines DOWN on the many heels of multi-legged insects scurrying around
The insects are eating a pineCONE
白- white
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：しろ＊い、しら
音：はく、ぱく
純白、白昼、白髪、白衣
strong onyomi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sun + a dot
story: RAY
is a white cat, but he talks black.
HACK up the white people into pieces!!! dirty swine-eating slave-drivers!
F ＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：みんな、みな
音：カイ
皆様、皆無
I compared everyone’s KITES, and I think hers is the most white.
HOW TO TELL EVERYONE APART FROM insect :
EVERYONE WALKS ON white PEOPLE, BUT THE sun SHINES DOWN ON THE heels OF INSECTS.
目
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：め
音：モク
一番目、目玉、目次
mouth + 2 lines.
i'm having eye surgery on MOKUyobi (木曜日)?
HOW TO TELL IT APART FROM sun: think of the pupil of the eye as the middle box, and the top and bottom boxes as the "whites of the eye."
winky winky!!!!
F ＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：おか＊す
音：ボウ
冒険、危険を冒す
It’s dangerous to look at the sun with your eye.
BOWLing is a dangerious sport, particularly with Walter.
自 -my own
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Only used with another Kanji
訓・音：じ
自分自身、自由、自己、自慢
dot (which we'll call a splinter)+ eye
JESUS said, before you make fun of the splinter in my own eye, take check out the huge-ass log in your own eye. Then he sort of muttered, "ass!"
月 - moon / month / organ radical
JERK RADICAL ALERT: by itself, it means month or moon, but usually as a radical it has an entirely different meaning :”organ of the body."
臓,肝、肺、胃、 腸 胸 脳 and so on and so on.
SWELL RADICAL
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：つき
音：ゲツ、ガツ
満月、五月、月明かり、三ヶ月
story: the United States had to GET TO the moon before the Russians, becausewhoever got freaky with Moon Bitches first would get so much rep, the other country's game would never recover.
明 - bright
F ＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：あか＊るい
音：メイ
照明、明暗
when the sun is full, or the moon is full, it MAY get bright!
脂 - animal fat
F ＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：あぶら
音：シ
脂肪、背脂
animal fat is a fucking great organ!! that's why SHE loves eating animal fat!!! and bathing in it !
朝 - morning
F ＊＊＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓：あさ
音：チョウ
朝ごはん、毎朝、朝刊
For Margaret CHO, getting up at ten AM is very early in the morning. She swears that she can still see the moon from the night before.
田 - rice field
F ＊＊＊
Mostly used by itself. Used in many names.
訓：た
音：デン (rarely used)
田んぼ、田畑
胃 - stomach
F ＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓・音：い
胃腸、胃液
story: when I eat rice from the field, I keep it in the organ called the stomach.
F ＊＊
訓：さと
音：リ (rarely used)
〜の里、郷里
we bulit our village on the earth right next to the ricefield . short commute time, "If you lived here you'd be home right now," and etc.
in the village , we keep it REAL.
量 − amount
F ＊＊＊
Used by itself or with another Kanji
訓・音：はか＊る（ only used as in “weigh” ）りょう、かさ（ don’t worry about this ）
重量、大量、量産
sun + the number “1” + village
the amount of suns shining on the village is exactly one.
We gotta REORDER the merchandise, the present amount is insufficient.
−villain (top radical)
a small dot, which we'll think of as a gob of phlegm for now +ricefield
that villain spit a gob of phlegm in my ricefield!!
卑 - despicable
F ＊＊＊
H:
訓：いや＊しい いや＊しめる
音：ヒ
卑怯、卑猥
villain+ the arabic numeral "4"
HE's so despicable, he spit in 4 of my rice fields!!
- the cutest fucking baby birds you ever saw
単 - merely
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：たん
No 音
単純、単細胞、単なる、簡単
t.c.f.b.b.y.e.s. + ricefield + ten
even though i have ten ricefield s, all that is growing is merely three lousy baby firds, i mean birds..
i was hit with a flame thrower (long story) but it MERELY gave me a TAN.
DMF : fast.
- snout
any questions?
当- hit the target （literally and figuratively)
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：あ＊たる、あ＊てる
音：トウ
当選、当日、〜が当たる、〜を当てる
the three baby birds hit the pig right on the snout.
my target is your TOE. the the weapon is this sputum.
水 - water
MUTANT RADICAL FORM: 
SWELL RADICAL
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：みず
音：スイ
水道、水曜日、天然水
story: the vertical stroke is like a waterfall, with four drops of water splashing out from it.
after 4 days in the desert, the water tasted SWEET.
氷 -ice
F ＊＊＊
Mostly used by itself
訓：こおり
音：ヒョウ
氷河期、氷点下、氷水（こおりみず）
like water, but with an extra little ploink in the upper left side. We will call this little ploink a snowflake, floating gently down to the surface of an icy lake in winter.
HOW TO TELL THEM APART: ice has the snowflake on top, water doesn't.
EXPRESS (表） yourself by ice-skating. it is too an artform!!
永 - long (time)
永
F ＊＊
Jukugo kanji
訓：なが＊い
音：エイ
永遠、永久、永住
ice + a horizontal stroke, which we will call a second snowflake.
HOW TO TELL THEM APART: if it has been icy for a long time, there are TWO snowflakes piled up on top of each other!
fonzie has been cool for a long time.
泳 - swim
F ＊＊
訓：およ＊ぐ
音：エイ
水泳、競泳
i can swim in water for a long time!
泊 - stay for the night
F ＊＊＊
訓：と＊まる、と＊める
音：ハク
宿泊、泊数、〜に泊まる、〜を泊める
make the white devils spend the night in a wet puddle. this inn is Japanese only!
汁- juice
F ＊＊＊
訓：しる
音：ジュウ
味噌汁、果汁、肉汁
there's like ten different types of liquid in this juice. -- lemon, pinapple, apple, and so on.
JEWS are frequently down with a juice called Manichewitz!
湖 ー big lake
F ＊
Mostly used by itself or used for specific lake names
訓：みずうみ
音：コ
琵琶湖
The old man gets wet in the lake once a month.
KODOMOS ( 子 ) play by the lake.
泉 spring
F ＊
訓：いずみ
音：セン
温泉、源泉
The white water poured out of the hotspring.
SEND me to the spring, I beg you! I need a relaxing bath and mud facial.
泥 - mud
F ＊＊
訓：どろ
音：デイ
泥棒、泥酔
(fucked roots alert!)
the nun stepped in some muddy water!
尿 - urine
Literary kanji
F ＊＊＊
No 訓
音：ニョウ
頻尿、尿漏れ、糞尿
Your pee smells like damn liquid leaking from a corpse. It’s all DAAANGGGGG LOOKAT MEEEEEEE!!
混 - mix
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：ま＊ぜる、ま＊じる、ま＊ざる
音：コン
混乱、混沌、混血、混乱、〜を混ぜる、〜が混じる
mix the insects in a bowl with water and some pine CONEs, for some free and fun soup!
(double kanji don’t confuse with Mazeru 交)
肖 - carrot
obsolete. This used to mean "resemble," but it is almost never used as a word anymore, but as a radical you will see it often. That’s why I gave it a new meaning, based on the fact that it looks like:
strong RADICAL ALERT: shou!!
消 - erase, put out fire
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：け＊す
音：ショウ
消去、消化、消失、〜を消す
Story: you dump water on Flaming Carrot to put him out
He showED me his dick but I thought it was just a pencil eraser. Awkward.
- person
mutant radical form - 
,left radical
nin, jin, hito -
F *****
訓： ひと
音：じん、にん
恋人、人間、 人権 人生
NINjas wear JEANS on casual friday. It is kind of awkward at first, but you'll get used to it.
入 - put in
入
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：い＊れる、はい＊る
音：ニュウ
入居、侵入、入出、注入、〜を入れる、〜に入る
HOW TO TELL THEM APART: in most fonts, the person kanji leans slightly to the right, and the enter kanji leans to the left.
that's because most people are right-wing bastards, and the bullets of the leftist, glorious people's revolution will enter the left sides of their heads and possibly chests.
on story: i take my NEW axe and put it in your left side, you borgeouis pig!!!!
仁 − chivalry
Jukugo kanji or sometimes used for names
F ＊＊
訓： none
音：ジン、ニン
仁義、仁徳 任侠
two NINjas being chivalrous to each other , "you first my good man!" "No, you, i insist!"
信 - believe
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：しん＊じる
音：シン
信者、信念、信頼、〜を信じる
if they got a SHINy halo, it's safe to believe what that person has to say .
化 - transform
Mostly used with another kanji
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：ば＊ける
音：カ、ゲ、ケ
変化、化け物、単純化肥大化
the witch transformed that person into a giant heel.
theCAR transforms into Optimus Prime. ok, i know he's supposed to be a truck or whatever, but i never liked that show anyway. JESUS, why do i even know that??
− the three stooges. (top radical)
person + 3 horizontal lines (the kanji numeral for "3" 三 ）. so, three people.
this looks like "big" with some extra lines, but it's easier to make up stories involving 3 stooges, so there we are.
泰 - calm
Jukugo kanji
F ＊
訓： none
音：タイ
安泰
on vacation in THAIland, the 3 stooges felt so calm standing knee-deep in the peaceful ocean, they briefly stopped poking each other in the eyes.
春 − spring / sexy
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：はる
音：シュン
青春、春夏秋冬
3 stooges frolic and play on a spring sun .
gothic people SHUN spring, prefering the bitter coldness of winter
火 - fire
MUTANT RADICAL FORM:left side looks like this-- 
, and the bottom looks like this:
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：ひ
音：カ
業火、火曜日、火事、火の粉
person+2 dots
story: a person on fire, surrounded by 2 sparks.
my CAR caught on fire the other day. (FYI : It was a Pinto. )
黒 - black
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：くろ
音：コク
腹黒い、漆黒、真っ黒、黒煙
after we burn the village , nothing remains but blackened ash.
finland is a black KOKU (国）for half the year.
畑- cultivated field
F ＊＊
訓：はたけ
音： None
田畑、畑仕事
story: who cares? it's 2007 and nobody is a farmer. Why do they make us learn that shit anyway? JESUS. Hey I got an idea. Why not teach us the word for "17th century seed-storage vessel?"
(SIGH) ok, look: they burn the field to clear it, then they plant crops. Whatever.
炎 - flame
F ＊＊
訓：ほのお
音：炎
炎上、火炎
ENjoy this flame-broiled food!!
淡 - faint, pale
F ＊＊
訓：あわ＊い
音：タン
淡色、淡白
the water pretty much doused the flame, leaving only a faint, pale flickering.
his skin is a pale TAN color after so many weeks indoors.
談 - consult
F ＊＊＊
訓： None
音：ダン
懇談会、談義、筆談
You need to consult with Glen DANzig. you Say to him, why did he start that flame(hint: satan)
F ＊
Only used with another kanji
訓：ひのと (don’t worry!)
音：チョウ、テイ、トウ
包丁、丁寧、丁重
strong RADICAL ALERT
story: the only time Margaret CHO ever could make me laugh was when she stepped on a rusty hook and had to get tetanus. That was a good bit. (Not tetanus shots. Tetanus)
sometimes it looks like this. 
it's important to not confuse the "mutant nail radical " with the "open scissors" radical, which has no overlap, no bendy bit at the bottom, and is drawn with one stroke.
訂 - revise
Jukugo kanji
F ＊
訓： None
音：テイ
訂正、改訂
i'm saying to the carpeneter, TAKE that nail back and revise the construction.
町 - city block, neigborhood
Used for specific names of villages too
F ＊＊＊
訓：まち
音：町
町内、町長、桜木町
Actually the spike’s real meaning IS “city block” so this is not much of a stretch.
Margaret CHO lives in a neighborhood with lots of rice fields
灯 - streetlight
F ＊＊
訓：ひ
音：トウ
電灯、外灯、街灯
the streetlight stood straight like a nail with a little electric fire on top of it.
the old man walked home drunk and stubbed his TOE on a streetlight.
可 - possible
F ＊＊＊＊
Literary kanji when used by itself. Mostly used with 能 .
訓： don’t worry!
音：カ
可能性、不可能、
strong RADICAL
story: it's possible to get a CAR for cheap,if you sink a nail into the mouth of the salesman,
何 - what?!?
kun/on: ka, nani
person+ possible(SAME ON YOMI)
story: when you say WHAAT???? you are asking that person if what they just said is really possible. also known as,"ARE YOU SHITTING ME??
what kind of CAR is that?
河 - stream
F ＊＊
訓：かわ
音：カ
河川、河童、運河
water + possible (same onyomi!)
it’s possible to drive your car into the water of the stream All it takes is a CAR and some booze.
夕- evening
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：ゆう
音：セキ
夕日、一朝一夕、七夕（たなばた）、夕方
it is the katakana "ta" character
story: when the japanese come home in the evening after work they say TA-daima!
多 - many
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：おお＊い
音：タ
多数決、多人数、過多、〜が多い
evening + evening! (SAME ONYOMI )
many evenings, we visited the glory hole in the restroom at Sears.
名 - name, famous
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：な
音：メイ、ミョウ
名前、本名、芸名、名字
in the evening, the rapper 's mouth made him famous
you MAY know my name because i am so famous.
花 - flower
mutant form:
dmw death
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：はな
音：カ
花瓶、花言葉、開花
flower radical + person + heel
a person walks on his heels to give a flower to you.
i painted a flower on my CAR because i am a filthy hippie.
死 -death
dmw flower
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：し＊ぬ
音：シ
死刑、病死、死体
line (which we'll consider a girder for the purposes of this story) + evening + heel
shi, shinu
SHE died last evening from having her heel crushed under a falling girder.
HOW TO TELL THEM APART: you die in the evening.
苦 − suffer
F ＊＊＊
訓：くる＊しい、くる＊しむ
音：ク
苦労、苦学、借金苦
The old flower was suffering : wilting, turning brown, being eaten by aphids.
My KUCHI ( 口 ) was suffering from too much candy.
草 - grass
F ＊＊＊
訓：くさ
音：ソウ
雑草、薬草、草刈
The flowers of the grass bloom SO early in the sun.
>
- crown (top radical)
. becuase the king ain't playing that "regular hat" shit.
宅 - home
F ＊＊＊
訓：たく
音： none
自宅、お宅
Story: They say that “A man’s home is his castle.” So that explains why I put on a crown and kick up your heels when I get home from work.
i TALKED TO the homeless guy about what kind of home he would like.
穴 hole.
F ＊＊＊
訓：あな
音：ケツ
穴子、墓穴
there are eight holes in your crown.
pour the KETCHUP down the hole. of your throat!!
安 - cheap / safe
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：やす＊い
音：アン
安易、安売り、案内
If you got the crown, you can fuck a woman named ANN Coulter really cheaply.
She has a thing for authority.
字 - letter
: F ＊＊＊＊
訓：あざな（ don’t worry! ）
音：ジ
漢字、字体、文字
Story: as a child, JESUS Christ wrote lots of letters on his tiny crown. Mostly, he wrote “Who is my Daddy?”
DMW ; 宇
工 - craft
F ＊＊＊
訓：たくみ（ don’t worry! ）
音：ク、コウ
工事、工夫、細工
strongRADICAL ALERT: "kou"!!
story: it looks like a cross-section of an iron girder. since this is the kanji for factory （工場） you can think of it like, a girder made at the iron factory.
the crafty drug mule smuggled COCAINE on the plane in her COLON.
空 - air
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：から、そら、あ＊く
音：クウ
空席、空っぽ、青空、〜が空く
story: the bomb blew a hole inthe side of the aircraft carrier
i like the COOL air at night.
George Michael's Moustache
also has a humble mutant form : 
Mostly used with another kanji
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：うち
音：ナイ
室内、案内、内縁
story: do you deNYYYY that there is a man trapped in George Michael's stache?
肉- meat
F ＊＊＊
訓： don’t worry!
音：ニク
筋肉、豚肉、肉食
george has got two men's meat trapped in his stache.
F ＊
音：ヘイ
丙午
originally this meant " number 3 in a series" but that is cumbersome so i will call it what it looks like.
vegetarians HATE the t-bone!
円 - yen (also ,circle)
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：まる＊い
音：エン
円安、円柱
George Michael's Moustache, plus some shit.
story: When he smiles, you can see his two front teeth peeking at you from under the 'stache.
onyomi story: if you ENjoyed George Michael's Moustache, please tip him one yen.
市 - small city / dagger radical
Also used for small city names
F ＊＊＊
訓：いち
音：シ
市場、市長、四日市、
SHE lives in a small city, she carries a dagger for protection.
JERK RADICAL ALERT: the kanji means small city, but I have arbitrarily decided that the radical means dagger. Why would I do that? Here is why:
. . . . > . . . 
帽 - hat
Jukugo kanji
F ＊＊
訓： none
音：ボウ
帽子、赤白帽
wear a hat to protect you from danger such as daggers.
she would wear a special BOWLing hat which she claimed would give her more strikes.
肺 - lung
hai
F ＊＊
訓： none
音：ハイ
肺呼吸、肺がん
will i thrust a dagger into your lung-organs? HAI!
姉 - older sister
F ＊＊＊
訓：あね
音：シ
姉妹、お姉さん
my sister has a dagger!!
SHE’s my older sister.
- goatee
a Moustache encircling a mouth. that's why.
尚 - furthermore / show respect/ which is right????????
F ＊
訓：なお
音：ショウ
高尚
Your goatee is pretty played-out and furthermore, there’s baby birds nesting on your upper lip. What the hell kind of lifestyle are you leading?!?
show some respect.
向 - turn to face
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：む＊く、む＊ける
音：コウ
方向、意向、向上心
goatee + a dot (of cocaine).
Story: When your moms turns to face the mirror, she realizes she’s got some COCAINE stuck on the upper portion of her goatee. Uncomfortable!!
- hitler a mouth with a tiny Moustache above it.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：おな＊じ
音：ドウ
同等、同列、同級生
George Michael's Moustache + hitler's Moustache
when i saw george michael and hitler's Moustaches at the same time, i went DOH!!
洞 - cave
F ＊＊
訓： None
音：ドウ
洞窟、空洞
,
homer said "DOH" because he's been trapped for 3 days in the same wet cave.
F ＊＊＊
訓：まわ＊り
音：シュウ
一周、周囲、周辺
Story: When I put my SHOE in my mouth, I inadvertently got some dirt (earth) on the circumference of my goatee.
調 - investigate
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：しら＊べる
音：チョウ
調査、単調、調子
I am investigating a crime, so I talk to everyone within the circumference of the building where it happened.
Margaret CHO investigates ways to restart her career.
- diaper.
diaper is a strange radical because sometimes it is a "big" radical, with other radicals inside it, and sometimes it turns into a "right-side" radical. Be warned!!!! Diapers come in all sizes! diaper is different from stache because both sides bend outward at the bottom. if you still have trouble telling them apart, think "FULL DIAPERS BEND OUTWARDS".
肌 - rind or skin
F ＊＊
訓：はだ
音： None
肌荒れ、鳥肌
果物の肌
Story: your rind is like a diaper to keep blood leaking out of the body’s organs.
F ＊＊
訓：およ＊そ (don’t worry!)
音：ボン
凡人、平凡
diaper+dot (in this instance, a turd in the diaper)
a mediocre man walks around with a diaper with merely a single turd in it.
you can get a BONer from even mediocre porn.
冗 - joke, redundant
(fucked roots alert)
F ＊
訓： None
音：ジョウ
冗談
George Michael's Moustache + diaper
JOE Stalin told a vulgar joke about nuzzling a diaper with his Moustache. that dude was a riot. Whatever happened to him?
坑 -
F ＊
訓： None
音：コウ
坑内、坑道
i was high on COCAINE , so i got hyper and dug a pit in the earth as a joke.
dmw resist - same right side. meaning?
机 - desk
Mostly used by itself
F ＊＊＊
訓：つくえ
音：キ
机、机上
the businessman wearing a diaper sat at his desk made from trees.
you'll need a KEY to open up the drawers of my desk.
又 - again / crotch radical
Mostly Used By itself
F ＊
訓：また
音： Don’t worry!
又貸し
official meaning is "again" but, come on. It is clearly a crotch.
Plus, can you show me your crotch again? That would be awesome.
SHALL i pour some SAlt again? the soup is still bland.
双 ーpair
F ＊＊
訓：ふた
音：ソウ
双肩、双子、双方、無双
you guys look SO alike, you could be a pair of twins!
it looks like a pair of crotches. QED, ne?
奴ー ｓervant
do, yatsu
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：やつ
音：ド
奴隷、守銭奴、奴等
Q: I am so obsessed with that woman's crotch. DO I want to be her servant?
怒 - get mad
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：いか＊る、いか＊り、おこ＊る
音：ド
怒鳴る、激怒、怒号
the woman got mad at her servant.
DOn't get mad at the earth.
収 - obtain
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：おさ＊める
音：シュウ
収納、収集、収拾
Story: by showing my crotch at the strip club, I got paid enough to obtain 4 pairs of SHOES!
侵 - perpetrate (usually in the sense of rape)
F ＊＊＊
訓：おか＊す
音：シン
侵略、侵攻、侵入
person + snout + smallMoustache + crotch
the person raped the pigsnout with his crotch. in the nostril!
the perpetrator stole a SHINy diamond.
介 - introduce
F ＊＊＊＊
訓： none
音：カイ
介護、紹介、介入
I'm going to introduce you to mr. Kai, the KITE maker.
story: it's an arrow pointing at the person you are introducing, a la the coveted "I'M WITH STUPID" shirt.
界 - the world
F ＊＊＊＊
訓： none
音：カイ
世界、芸能界
ricefield + introduce (same ON)
farmers used big KITEs, with their farm's name printed on the underside, to introduce their rice to the world!
非 - injustice, mistake
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：あら＊ず don’t worry!
音：ヒ
非常識、非道、非現実的
Usually the textbooks say to think of this as two streams of tears running down a face.
HE's crying because of the injustice
俳 - actor
F ＊＊
訓： none
音：ハイ
俳句、俳優
are actors basically myselfish, phoney, unjust people ? HAI.
MUTANT RADICAL FORM: left side is like,
, and the bottom side is like, 
.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：こころ
音：シン
心臓、同情心、心情、心身
imagine the SHINING sacred heart in all those Mexican pictures.
恐 - dread
F ＊＊＊
訓：こわ＊い、おそ＊れる
音：恐
恐怖、恐竜
i dread the crafts made by people with mediocre hearts. P.Diddy i am looking at you.
KYOU (今日） fills me with dread (it's my wedding sun)
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：おも＊う
音：シ
思想、思慮、思考、思春期
:
SHE's so into rice, when she thinks about a field, her heart starts racing.
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：いき
音：ソク
息子、喘息、子息
my son is as dear to me as my own heart!
i bought my son SOCKS for his birthday. i am a lame dad!
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：かなら＊ず
音：ヒツ
必要、必然、必殺技
heart + with the "no" symbol crossing it out.
Surely HE'S TOO much of a player. Cross out his heart!
悲 - sad
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：かな＊しい
音：ヒ
悲恋、悲劇、悲壮
HE is sad because of all the injustices done to his heart.
(used often in chemical names)
F ＊＊
訓：つ＊ぐ（ don’t worry! ）
音：ア
亜鉛、亜熱帯、亜細亜
“a” is the first letter in “ asia,” so the on-yomi takes care of itself.
As for the shape, it looks like the roman numeral 2 II with a mouth in the center.
you need II mouths to eat all the good food in Asia! i mean, damn! samosas AND eel!
悪 - bad
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：わる＊い
音：アク
最悪、悪意、凶悪、悪魔
FUCKED ROOTS ALERT; Holy shit this is racist!!! What the hell??????
on ?????????????
- net (top radical) Imagine a net streched out, all waiting to catch something.
寧 - polite
F ＊
訓：むし＊ろ
音：ネイ
丁寧 (about the only word used as jukugo)
the polite king has a kind heart under his crown, and gives everyone a net full of NAILS . here you go! um, thanks.
only used with teine
罪 - sin
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：つみ
音：ザイ
罪悪感、犯罪、殺人罪
sinners who perpetrate wickedness get caught in the net of justice!!
he commited a sin with a XYLOPHONE
慢 - neglect
F ＊＊＊
訓： none
音：マン
我慢、怠慢、慢性
this sucks because 90% of the words using this kanji mean lazy or neglectful. but of course since this is Japanese, the one exception (gaman) (meaning try your best) is used 90% of the time!!
anyway,
????????????????????????? i got nothing.
漫 - manga
F ＊＊
訓： none
音：マン
放漫、漫画
like neglect except with water
here is how to tell them apart;
a cold-hearted MAN neglects you. a wet man gives you a comic book..
夢 - dream
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：ゆめ
音：ム
悪夢、夢精、夢幻
flower + net + George Michael's Moustache + evening
last evening I had this dream: a MOOING flower was caught inside a net George Michael's Moustache at evening. perfectly clear, eh?
F ＊＊
訓：ゆみ
音：キュウ
弓道、弓矢、弓形
That's a CUTE bow you have in your hair. It really goes well with the other bow which you are pointing at me.
弾 - bullet / play guitar
F ＊＊＊
訓：たま、ひ＊く、はじ＊く
音：ダン
弾丸、糾弾、
you can't hurt glenn DANzig with merely a bow, you need a silver bullet.
引 - pull
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：ひ＊く
音：イン
吸引、引用、引越し
bow + vertical line, which we will call a “string.”
Ok, can you guess what the story will be?
Everybody say it one time;
Pull the bowstring IN!
弔 - funeral
F ＊＊
訓：とむら＊う
音：チョウ
弔辞、弔問、弔電
Bow + vertical line
This is seldom used anymore but you need to learn it because it is part of "youngerbrother. "
We are having a funeral for Margaret Chou, who was shot with a bow. (imagine the vertical line is an arrow, piercing her)
(I’m not saying this will help you remember the kanji. I just want you to imagine it.)
F ＊＊
訓：はね
音：ウ、ワ
羽毛、羽化、羽飾り
those flapping bird wings are UUUUrusai.
弱 - weak
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：よわ＊い
音：ジャク
弱者、虚弱、弱点、弱虫
Basically it is the same as wings (hane 羽 )
but mixed up with the kanji for bow 弓弓
I guess you could say
that birds with weak wings get shot with the bow and arrow first.Michael JAKUson is weak.
習 - learn
F ＊＊＊
訓：なら＊う
音：シュウ
習慣、習字
If you learn how to use your white air Jordan SHOES correctly, they will let you fly higher than wings, all slam dunking shit even if you are 5 feet.
DMF quality or everyone 皆
Story:
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：やま
音：サン
山脈、火山、山肌
SANTA claus lives on a mountain at the north pole.
崩 - collapse
F ＊＊＊
訓：くず＊れる
音：ホウ
崩壊、崩御、雪崩
seismologists estimate that that mountain will collapse two months from now. volcanic hell!!
the HOE collapsed in mid-fuck because of a heroin overdose. occupational hazard! volcanic hell!
密 - hard to see
F ＊＊＊＊
訓： none
音：ミツ
秘密、密度、密接、濃密
the mountain is surely hard to see under that giant crown.
MI TU ! i want to be in on the secret!!
F ＊＊
訓：かど
音：モン
門松、軍門、門構え
Bhuddist MONKS hang out under the temple gate, shooting dice and cussing.
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：あいだ、ま
音：カン、ケン
間合い、空間、時間、間隔、年間
KEN lay's prison is so hi-security, it CAN take an interval of up to a sun to go from one gate to the other.
問 - question, problem
F ＊＊＊
訓：と＊う、と＊い
音：モン
問題、質問、設問
the MONK, standing at the temple gate, asks you a zen koan with his mouth. if you answer wrong, you can't get in.
母 - your mamma
mutant radical form:
JERK RADICAL ALERT: by itself, the meaning is mama's two titties arranged vertically, like the bitch was lying on her side to breastfeed you. what it leaves out, though , was how hairy your mom's titties are.
story: nobody wants to BONE your mom. Not even your dad. He was just trying to pass as straight, is all.
- rifle (top radical).
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：ごと（ there are more but don’t worry! ）
音：マイ
毎回、毎日、毎週
story: MY mom comes every time with a rifle.
海 - ocean
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：うみ
音：カイ
海水、深海、海賊、日本海
story: every ocean is full of some damn water. think you can remember that one, Einstein?
i flew a giant KITE all the way accros the ocean!
悔 - regret
F ＊＊＊
訓：くや＊しい
音：カイ、ゲ
後悔、懺悔
i regret that i broke every heart i encountered
charlie Brown regrets the time his KITE got eaten!
侮 - despise
bu, anadoru
F ＊＊＊
訓：あなど＊る
音：ブ
侮辱、侮蔑
i despise every person i pass, becuase i despise humanity. (FYI i am the Unibomber)
Because it looks like the hiragana “te”.
It is the also resemblent of the curvy horn of texas longhorn cattle.
乾 - thirsty
F ＊＊＊
訓：かわ＊く
音：カン
乾燥、乾期
simplified version of Morning + rifle + texas
Ghengis KHANgets might thirsty after shooting rifles all morning on a texas ranch.
- beret (top radical) 六 - six
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：むっ＊つ
音：ロク
四六時中、六月、五臓六腑
Your half-elf ranger has 8 hit points. I hit him with my chain-mail beret until he only has six left. Stupid half-elf!! Failed your saving throw against big-ass berets again!
some ROCK band all making devil horns and yelling 666.
DMF; 交
享 - enjoy
F ＊＊
訓：う＊ける（ don’t worry! ）
音：キョウ、コウ
享受、享年
KYOU (today) the child got her first beret, and her mouth let out a whoop of enjoyment
F ＊＊
(often used in restaurant names)
訓： none
音：テイ
亭主
beret + mouth + George Michael's Moustache + nail
the dude with the beret and the stache opens his mouth at the restaraunt and bites a big ole nail. it is a problem!!
TAKE me to a restaraunt that makes really good roast nails please.
停 - bring to a halt
F ＊＊
訓：と＊まる
音：テイ
バス停、停留所
person + restaraunt (same ON)
the person brings a halt to the restaraunt because too many people got a damn nail in their sandwitch and what the hell kind of deal is that, anyway? imagine the pain!!
夜 - night
Ya, yoru
beret + person + evening + an extra stroke
If ya see a person wearing a beret at evening, you should definitely go home before it turns night. He’s jack the ripper!!! (extra stroke on the evening radical = his blade!!! Eeieeieieieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!)
when it turns night, i start to YAWN.
液 - liquid
Eki
water + night
I go nuts listeing to the water flow all night. Someone needs to fix my toilet!
On: i stepped in a mysterious liquid on the platform of the EKI (train station)
卒 - graduate
sotsu
out of the ten people in class, only two managed to graduate, and SO TWO were issued the customary berets.
高 - tall
kun/on: kou, takai
a tall man wearing a beret, a mouth and a goatee.
he was so tall, my eyes were level with his COLON.
F ＊＊＊
訓：な＊くす、な＊くなる
音：ボウ
死亡、亡命、亡骸
beret + a sort of "L" shape.
strongRADICAL
Let's say that "L" is for Larry who died from too much BOWLing , and was buried with his beret on.
忙- busy
（ mainly used by its 訓読み）
F ＊＊＊＊
訓：いそが＊しい、せわ＊しい
音：ボウ
忙殺、忙中
story: I'm too busy to go BOWLing , so my heart is dying inside.
DMW forget (忘)both kanjis are"heart + dying," but, BUSY . . .the heart is on the LEFT, because you're so busy you have no time LEFT. with forget, heart is on the bottom, because you are apologizing to your boss FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR heart for forgetting the big report that was due today.
妄 - without reason or permission
F ＊＊
訓：みだ＊りに (don’t worry!)
音：モウ
妄想
the woman died without any reason. such a drama queen!
even though the game is over, i'll BOWL MORE without permisson.
盲 - blind, ignorant
mou
hey, a logical kanji!!
MOMAR kadaffi is an ignorant dictator.
忘 - forget
kun/on: bou, wasureru
story: if you forget to turn on your pacemaker, your heart will die.
DMW busy 忙 ー both kanjis are"heart + dying," but, BUSY . . .the heart is on the LEFT, because you're so busy you have no time LEFT. with forget, heart is on the bottom, because you are apologizing to your boss FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR heart for forgetting the big report that was due today.
kun/on: fu, chichi
think of dad on two crutches, the crutches crossing back and forth as he hobbles.
damn, dude, your dad is FUCKED UP.
kun/on:kou, kyou, majiru, mazaru
strong ONYOMI for kou.
if you combine a beret and a dad, what do you get?
Ned Flanders' dad.
KYOU (今日), i combined COCAINE with downers.
HOW TO TELL THEM APART:
you write a sentance about crotches, but you have to combine 2 crutches to walk without legs.
kun/on: bun, mon
today's assignment; write a sentance about a beret on a crotch.
斉 - alltogether /china ??????????????????????? need a better word for it.
sei, sai,
culture + a sort of ladder
they say that all culture descends from mother china.
strongRADICAL ZAI or SAI.
we say that china has the best XYLOPHONES.
i think this one is not used ever????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
済 - economy
zai
the Chinese economy is increasingly driven by water , in the form of dams that generate electricity. Boring!
i can play the economy like a XYLOPHONE.
- standing wormstwo worms, standing up from a horizontal line, representing the ground.
kun/on: ritsu, tatsu
ok. it looks like a pot. with a lid. everybody says that. but it means "stand up"
here is a way to make this marginally acceptable.
Two worms stand up from the ground, holding the beret aloft.
Stand up and get me someRITZ crackers you lazy sod.
泣 - cry
kyuu, naku
the CUTE girl stood up and cried big wet tears.
on, oto
a dude makes a loud sound, if he's standing ON top of the sun. it goes like AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
暗 - dark
an, kurai
ANN Coulter with the sunny bloode hair, can’t stand the sounds made by the darker ethnic groups.
翌 ー the next- the following . .
Yoku
will the following bird please stand up so we can hook your wings into this YOKE?
妾 ー mistress
: omekake
Story: the mistress tries to stand on the wife, and vice versa. It is one of nature’s fiercest battles.
位 − rank
い kurai
the person stands according to their rank.
I got the worst rank.
dou, warabe
"it takes a village to raise a child" in this case, the village is literally raising the kid above it. Perhaps there is a trampoline. Who knows? village rs with their crazy cusoms nowadays.
the kid says DOH when they miss their cartoons.
DON'T CONFUSE THIS WITH badge 章．
kun/on: shou
stand up fast and show me your badge.
DCW - child 童
HOW TO TELL THEM APART-- kids live down in the village , but the badge lets the cop drive fast through traffic.
憧 - yearn for
: shou, tou / akogareru
My heart yearns for my kid..
The pervert showed me the TOES he yearned for.
I,
I believe that the sound of my heart means I am alive.
億− a hundred million
Oku
That lying-ass person has like 100,000,000 meanings whenever he talks.
100 million ORCS marched against a hobbit.
憶 - recollect
Oku
This is as far as I know the only kanji with both of the deformed heart radicals : left and bottom.
you recollect those ORCS that were chasing us?
How to tell this apart from 100,000,000?
Remember the time you had 100,000,000 hearts? It is kind of hard to forget.
strongRADICAL ALERT:
shin, karai
it’s hotter than ten peppers standing end to end.
When you eat the peppers your face and upper lip get SHINY with sweat.
kou, shiawase, saiwai
spicy + one line
????????????????????????????????????
宰 - manage
sai
the manager of the indian restaraunt wore a crown made entirely out of spices!!
the manager SIGHed as the employees stole.
- double the amount (radical) story: when you stand on his mouth, his screams get double loud!
倍 - double
this is a strongRADICAL.
bai
i'll BUY you a double (drink) for the person who is double nice.
- town Sorry it doesn't look like a town. This is what all the texbooks say
it means (either that or hill, which it looks even less like). I guess i could have shown some balls and straight-up called it what it looks like (the flag on a putting green where the golf ball goes in) but it is easier to make up stories for town so you'll just have to deal.郊 - suburb
kou
combine (same ON) + town to form an extension of it.
my COCAINE dealer lives in the suburbs.
suburbs are next to cities, dummy!
阿 - flatter / idiot
A, omoneru, aho no kanji
It is possible for A rock star to flatter a town in between songs and asking them if they are ready to rock.
階 ー story of a building
Kai
The whole town , everyone lives on the same story! That building is gonna collapse I swear.
the crazy lady flying her KITE from the 8th story window.
部 - section
double + town
onyomi : bu
a section of land double the size of our section is better than your section! BOO your section!!
障 − impede
shou, sawaru
townspeople show their badges to impede criminals.
ABE LINCOLN'S HAT 
strongRADICAL alert : most kanjis which use this radical have the on yomi "so." although, unlike most strongRADICALs, a lot of "abe lincoln's hat havin' kanji" may also have a second onyomi as well.
阻 - hamper
So, habamu
the plan for the whole town to run around town naked except for wearing only abe’s hat was hampered.
宜 - best wishes
:gi, yoroshiku
Please Give abe lincoln’s hat my best wishes next time you see it.
obsolete ??????????????????????????????????
畳 - tatami mat
jou, tatami
ricefield ; small George Michael's Moustache + abe Lincoln's hat
JOE Stalin used fibers from rice plants, his own generous George Michael's Moustache hair, and Lincoln's hat, and wove them together into a tatami mat.
yes, it's the katakana "NE", but let's think of it as an altar.
祖 - ancestor
So
To honor your ancestors, go to the altar and burn an abe Lincoln hat, so they can wear it in the afterlife, and look all fly.
禅 - zen buddhism
zen, dummy!
zen is merely something you worship at an altar.
lookalikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
. tou, katana
Dude, last night some crazy ninja cold cut this dude's TOE off with a katana, for no reason! Seriously dude. He was just standing there.
- ryoku, chikara .
my REOCCURING dream is so strong, i wake up screaming. With a boner.
strong is sword plus the line goes up over the top.
so, we can remember the difference like this: "i got the STRENGTH to lift the sword UP OVER MY head. "
nine - kyuu, kokonotsu
like strong, but the right side does that little hook-curlicue thing.
therefore, we can remember it like this: " i hang NINE CUTE swordS on my hook. "
setsu , き・る
the samurai SAID TO me, "I'm fin to cut your heel with this here sword if you don't bow down to the feudal system."
窃 - theft
setsu
cut a hole in the pants and steal the victim's wallet!
i SAID TO the thief, don't steal from me, i got nothing!!
加 - add
ka, kuwaeru
the rapper's strong mouth added power to the struggling music label.
add a CAR to my garage.
削 - whittle down
saku, kezuru
use the sword to whittle down the carrot.
always wear underpants while using a weed-wacker otherwise you might accidentally trip and whittle down your SAC.
刷 - print
satsu, suru
I'll print a violent book - about corpses, daggers and swords. (FYI: I'm Gutenburg and the book is the Bible!)
i SAW TWO books that were printed.
: shou
i will raise my sword and open my mouth to summon the troops.
when you summon a demon, you yell, "show yourmyself!!!"
strongRADICAL for SHOU.
: shou
Story: the sun summons the brightness of the showa era of WWII, the brightest point in Japanese history!!
照 - illuminate
this also means feel embarassed, or contrast
: show. Terasu
Story: brightness of the fire illuminates things, and shows you what you are looking for!
分 - understand/ divide / minute of time
bun/wakaru / wakeru
use your sword to cut it into 8 pieces!
it takes a minute to bake a baby BUNＮＹ in the oven.
剤 - one dose of medicine
zai
take one sword alltogether and call me in the morning.
give a dose to the sick xylophone.
罰 - punishment
batsu
if someone say something bad, catch them with a net and punish them with a sword.
I'll have to punish BATSU maru for being a naughty penguin!
剖 ー dissect
bou
we dissect theBOWLING ball, cutting it with swords to see what's inside. every time we slice it the number of piecees doubles.
助 - save
jo, tasukeru
Use your strength to save Abe's hat!!
効 - effective
: kou, kiku
Story: if you combine the strong points of various techniques, you will get the most effective style!
COLONS are very effective for discharging waste.
協- cooperate
kyou
three strong people cooperating have the strength of 10 people working alone.
we cooperated TODAY (今日）
脅 - threaten
kyou, odosu
TODAY (今日） , three strong guys threatened my vital organs.
功 -success
:kou
his craftiness is so strong, it assures him success (dick cheney/the Joker)
COCAINE was successful in keeping me up all night.
努 - make an effort
do, tsutomeru
the servant has to make a strong effort, or face the lash!
DON'T lallygag!! make an effort!
尻 - butt
oshiri
nine corpses, killed by a giant butt.
究 - research
kyuu, kiwameru
i am NOT watching gay porn!! i am, um, researching the holes of nine CUTE adult actors!
even worse lookalikes!!!!!!
kun/on: gan, marui
nine + one stroke
nine plus one equals ten, which is a ROUND number. sorry, that's the best i can do.
GHANDI had round glasses.
kun/on: jin, ha
sword + a line , which we'll think of as a crack.
story: there's a crack in my sword blade,
onyomi story; don't fuck with swordblades when you are twisted on GIN.
ok - there is basically no way to tell these two apart. no only do they look basically the same, but neither looks remotely like the concept it depicts.
to make matters worse, what the hell do those little dots on the left side mean??
basically the only solution is this: 丸い gets used 9 times as often as 刃. so if you see something that resembles it, assume it means round.
(SIGH)
忍 - hide, endure
kun/on: nin, shinobu
story: the NINJA has to hide well and endure discomfort with a steady heart to carry out its mission.
認 − admit
nin, mitomeru
the NINJA had to say and admit his blade was stuck in some dude's heart. he was all, oh, my bad.
熟 - get good at
juku, ureru
beret + mouth + child + round +fire
the child with the beret opened her mouth wide round and got really good at emitting fire from it.
you are getting good at picking out non-lame songs on the JUKEBOX.
kun/on: dan, otoko
story: Glen DANzig uses his mighty strength to harvest the rice in the field. While listening to DANzig.
from the katakana "ma"
勇- courage
kun/on: yuu isamu
story: YOU men get your courage from a strong mother.
ム - moocow
story: this is the Katakana character for MU.
dai
this is the counter for cars, and it also means "platform" or "level," as in, "The Yen has reached the level of 110 yen to a dollar."
Put the cow on the platform next to the mouth.
I wish your SUV would fucking DIE already.
治 - cure / government
Ji, chi naosu
cure the big thing by giving him water.
JESUS healed the leper by feeding him a magic cheese.
始 - begin
shi, hajimaru
I've just begun to date a car-sized woman, and SHE is amazing.
怠 - lazy
Tai, namakeru
moocow + mouth + heart
theTHAI moocow was lazily chewing a human heart in its mouth.
仏 - buddha
butsu, hotoke
imagine the Buddha having a very deep theological argument with a Hindu Sacred Cow.
buddha pulls his BOOTS UP and goes off to enlighten the world.
Nou
Compared to the other moo-cows’ performance last month, your moocow has ＮＯ talent.
熊 ー bear
kuma
His talent is to light bears on fire. (Really there is no other way to describe it. he is the fucking van gogh of lighting bears on fire.)
態 - appearance
tai
theTHAI prostitute appeared to have a lot of talent and a heart of gold. (FYI: not. stupid farang!)
kun/on: kou
there are eight moo-cows , voiding their COLONS in the public square.( no one dares to disturb them because it's a Hindu moocow!
訟 - lawsuit
shou
you say a lawsuit in public to show all the bad things done to you.
ー immature (left radical) ム＋ム= a YOUNG , baby moocow (top) riding on top of its mother, as they do in the wild. When it reaches adolescence , it will have to walk on its own. Wait, that's chimpanzees. But whatever, they're basically the same animal, with their opposable thumbs and ruthless cunning.
幼 -childhood
you
childish people have a strong immature desire to YODEL at innapropriate times (e.g. funerals, supermarkets, etc.)
幽 - occult
yuu
(immature x2) + mountain
two immature sorcerers hide in the crevices of the occult mountain. when they are mature they will emerge with terrifying spells.
YOU are very occult, mr crowley!
幻 - illusion
gen, maboroshi
immature + a line that looks like a capital "J", kind of.
the child smoked a J. AGAIN and now he's seeing illusions. (god DAMMNIT, Jason! THOSE ARE FOR MOMMY AND DADDY ONLY!!!! )
brown rice, entryway of a building, and dark/mysterious
gen
the immature Existentialist frenchman in the beret is acting dark and mysterious AGAIN.
畜 - raising of domestic animals
chiku
they raise myserious CHICKS in their ricefield.
蓄 - store or put aside
chiku, takuwaeru
flower + raise domestic animals (same ON)
the farmers put aside both their flower crop and their domestic animal crop for the winter.
store the CHICKS in the hen-house.
shou, chisaii -
shou, sukoshi -
this pair is your introduction to one of Kanji's many pernicious traits: the LET'S MAKE THE KANJI AS SIMILAR AS THE MEANINGS OF THE WORDS. As if that would help, rather than mixing everyone up. it gets even worse when the PRONUNCIATIONS are also similar.
HOW TO TELL THEM APART-- chisai can be thought of as a dude with droopy sad eyes and a big nose. he's sad becuase he's so short. The ladies, they do not choose him so much. sukoshi is the same guy, but he's smiling A SMALL AMOUNT. he's a small amount of happy. becuase your dad sent him flowers.
劣 - inferiority
retsu, otoru
he believes he only has a little strength.
LET'S get an inferiority complex! it's fun!
妙 - mysterious
myou
that woman is a little myserious!
the cat uttered a mysterious MEOW.
省 - ministry / cut down on
: sei, kaerimiru - cut down on
shou, ministry
cut down on watching girls, use your eyes just a little.
don't just say you are gonna do it, show me.
Kyou
The fashion in the capital city is, to wear a beret, with a tiny soul patch below your mouth
TODAY (今日） I am going to the capital.
涼 - cool place
ryou, suzushii
it's cool in the capital city when the rain falls.
REORDER more coats; it is getting cool.
kei
when the sun shines on the capital city it is hella scenic.
it's OK to stop and stare open-mouthed at the scene.
- toethis is the katakana to.(" ト"). which we, for simplicity's sake pretend is an actual toe.
kun/on: jou/ue
a toe pokes above the line. .
JOE Stalin was at the top of the Soviet government.
卓 - dinner table
taku
toe + earｌｙ
he would show up early at the dinner table and eat TOEs until the appetizers arrived.
talk to your family at the dinner table
外 - outside
F ＊＊＊＊＊
訓：そと
音：ガイ
外出、外人、海外
evening + katakana "to"
the GUY stuck his TOE outside of his pants in the evening.
WARNING - this kanji has two totally unrelated meanings. to tell the future and to occupy or account for a portion of something. (seats in the senate, percent of a survey, etc.) sorry about that.
sen, / shimeru, uranai
story: SEND for a forturne teller, whose mouth will tell the future of my toe. Will it heal or will we have to chop it off at the next full moon?
点 - point
ten, only kun
my fortune teller says that by staring into the flames, she can see any point in the future.
寂 - lonely
jaku, sabishii
the lonely man pretended to drop his crown, and when he bent over to pick it UP, he looked up skirts to see the small crotches inside.
when michael JACKSON is lonely, kids run for cover.
督 - supervisor
toku
the supervisor's eye monitors the small crotch of the attractive temp worker. asshole!
they supervise you at school to make sure you don't TOKE between classes.
Ji, shimesu
The number 2 + small (same onyomi as small!)
JESUS shows us his two small disciples. (Although most of them just call them “nads.”)
Shuu
Religion shows you that God is the king with the crown
Don’t wear your SHOES in the temple!! God will get dirty!
崇 - revere
suu
SUSAN reveres Mount Olympus because of her ancient Greek religion.
禁 - prohibition
Kin
My KINfolk prohibited me from showing two trees in a row.
They wanted a chance to show their own trees as well!
糸 - string
shi. ito
SHE ties an immature, small child up with string.
SWELL RADICAL - most of the kanji that use this, have to do with connections between things. as if a string was binding them.
紹 - connect
: shou
If I summon someone and introduce them, you two are now connected by a social string
Your boyfriend is hella hot. Introduce us so I can show him this porno I did.
線 line
sen (kun)
SEND a line made of string from here to the spring. (it is some engineers at work)
細 - narrow
sai, hosoi
wrap the string once round the whole field and just contract it until the field gets narrow.
she SIGHS with frustration as her paycheck gets more and more narrow.
緑 green
Ryoku, roku, midori
Tie a string to a pigsnout and lower it into the green water
(you are fishing for swamp monsters)
these green spots on my genitals seem to keep REOCCURING.
ＤＭＷ record 録。
総− general
sou
My gift of string to the general public is sure to win their hearts.
Onyomi story; I’ll give SO much string to the general public.
索 - index / search????? how is this different from sagasu?
saku
ten + George Michael's Moustache + string
I'll search for ten George Michael's Moustaches, tied together with string.
Rob Halford is on the strip, searching for some SAC to teabag with.
WHY BOTHER: um.
絞 - wring out, strangle
kou, shimeru
string + mix
use the string strangle your COCAINE dealer for mixing your coke with baking soda.
納 - store
Nou,
NO, I won’t store your string inside my string store!! Get your own string store!!
紅 - dark lipstick red color.
kou, ku, beni
dark red lipstick is a craft women use to tie up men like string.
dark lipstick from your KOOCHIE is staining my COLON right now. you crazy felcher you!
紛 - ambiguous
fun, magireru, magriawashii
this string theory is too ambiguous to understand.
to Japanese, it's FUN to give ambiguous answers to foreigners!!!
絹 - silk
ken, kinu