GENERAL SEOUL OBSERVATIONS

• everything is modern but grimy. not beat up or sloppily made, but coated in gray soot. .
• There are only two places you will see a white face: insadong and itaewon. If you go off those two streets, there's no tourists whatsoever.
• women all tint their hair the same shade of brown and make it slightly wavy.
  plus if you're not wearing pre-faded denim jeans you will be shot and your entrails thrown in the street as a warning to others.
• also, it's really hip for women to wear business suits. they're not even real businesswomen, they just like the look. I'm in heaven.
• asiana airlines has the most hellish , 70's uniforms ever. Brown polyester with accents of yellow and red. and hair nets. Jesus.
• the taxis are fucking nuts. they're like an amusement park ride. I feel safer inside a taxi than I do on the sidewalk.
• they have that 'Asian small street thing' where people just walk in the middle of the street and big old cars follow them at walking speed, waiting for the people to get out of the way.
• they also have that 'Asian driving thing' where fools constantly cut each other off and try to run each other over, and generally do shit that would get you shot in America, but the traffic is so bad the rude stuff is all done at 5 MPH so no one is hurt, or even angry!!
• lots of Korean soldiers everywhere. like, not even at 'strategic spots' such as palaces and banks, you're just as likely to see a squad guarding a dunkin' donuts. I guess it's because every single 18 year old guy has to join the army, so they have more soldiers than they know what to do with.
• Korean women, contrary to the stereotype, seem to be really into acne.
• the Seoul subway system IS as super-efficient as I was told. they have these little magnetic cards that automatically deduct your fare as you walk through the turnstile. . . you don't even have to do anything! and the trains are frequent and reliable.. . . but, transferring is insane!! to transfer from one train to another train, you have to walk like 3 kilometers within the giant station, navigating a maze of corridors.
• Koreans are really into touching each other in public. you see same-sex groups of middle-school students holding each others' hands, and couples embracing in public. this took me by surprise, I guess, because Korea is really uptight about gender roles, so I assumed it would be prudish as well. it's a huge contrast from Japan, too: nobody touches there. the guys all are addicted to perverted porn, and the women dress like hookers a lot., but they never touch in public. Hey, Wacky Japan Person. . .wouldn't it be simpler to just deal with your urges by actually, like, touching people you care about???
• sometimes it seems that Seoul is as much underground as above-ground. huge shopping malls, the too-large subway stations, and even crosswalks for busy intersections are subterranean!
• everywhere you go, you hear bee gees. from every street vendor's radio to the hotel bar piano guy, Koreans really love their Brothers Gibb.
• not content with having strict gender roles for men and women, Koreans even assign arbitrary genders to foreign restaurants! places like TGIFridays' and Dunkin' Donuts have women-only clientele. Sitting in TGIF, I feel like Homer Simpson when he was trying to find a new bar, and he went to the SHE-SHE LOUNGE and he was like, "hey, something's wrong with this bar...." I was like, . . JESUS! there's no guys here. . . you'd think at least there would be one or 2 playboys trying to mack on all the available women, but no. and it's not just those 2 restaurants that are all-women. There's so many all-women eateries, I started asking my penpals, "Where the hell do the guys eat? Is there, like, one giant underground trough where the men are herded for feeding??"
• but apparently the answer is, the guys all go to bars. Korean guys drink way more than their vagina-laden countrymen.
• California oranges are totally rock-star famous over here. Several pen pals ask about them, and one chain fashion store has a California orange in its logo. Huh?
• What's fun is, to look at some super-sophisticated-Korean-Princess girl with a $400 designer handbag and matching designer shoes, but she's still got Kimchi breath that could kill Ray Charles.
• from the lowest dive to the most swanky palace, Korean hotels in spring don't have air conditioning EVER. Did I say 'air conditioning' ?? I meant 'any kind of ventilation' . . . if you want a scrap of fresh air, you have to open the window, letting in the yelling of the drunks and honking of horns. . . and the exhausting deafening whir of. .. air conditioning in all the fucking neighboring buildings! ha ha, it's ironic. so ironic you can't really sleep well at night.
• Korean little kids have the most adorable outfits of little kids anywhere. The kindergartners all wear these matching, puffy jumpsuits and sort of waddle around. Little girls dress like pop stars with pink jackets and matching sideways pink caps. I wish I had pictures of it, but I don't think the parents would want a stranger photographing their children.
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• There isn't a schedule of underground live shows. No "The List", no weekly magazines with bar ads, nothing. Prove me wrong, kids!
• There's a 2 tier pricing system here. Some stuff (electronics, Korean food, taxis) are at third world prices, and other stuff (Foreign food, hotels, CDs) are more expensive than in America. There doesn't really seem to be any rule, what merchandise falls in which price category.
• everywhere you go, you see these insane TREE SCAFFOLDS. from the moment i left the airport, I was shocked by the weird, Salvador Dali-style crutches that hold up all urban Korean trees. My pen pal says they're called POTINMO or BOTIMMOK.
  

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