THURSDAY

Weather: AMAZING. Warm, semi-humid breezes that caress the flesh, and thin clouds keep it just shady enough so I don't have to wear a hat. Rock on.

I arrive at Seoul airport (luckily no one decides to investigate a lone pink-haired foreigner with a spiky Hello Kitty jacket and a suitcase full of undeclared soup). There's an absurd amount of Korean Won per dollar, like 1,200 or something…. so when I give 'em my $3,000 in Benjamins, they give me this HUGE DRUG-DEALER-LOOKING BRICK of Won. I feel astoundingly unsafe lugging it around.

Here's where the craziness begins: it takes me 18 hours from my house to the hotel (3 hours from my house to the airport, a 12 hour flight, and 3 more hours from the plane to my hotel)…... but when I get to the hotel, though, I don't even stop to rest. I'm right out the fucking door, ready to do some sightseeing. there's no one to show me around today, but the Seoul subway is EASY to learn, and I'm tear-assing around town in no time

I hit up all the palaces first, because they're so easy to find.

TOKSUGUNG has this sort of "My First Palace Play Kit" look to it. You've got the big hall, the little courtyard, and the koi pond, but it's not that out of control. The main cool thing about Toksugung was the wedding photo shoot. You know, where they take pictures of the groom and the bride. The bride had this super-classy, regal, silk gown with a 12 foot train. The assistant had to lift the hem of the gown so the bride could walk, revealing . . . 4" platform, cheap-ass stripper shoes????

CHONGMYO isn't really a palace; it's a royal shrine, where the spirits of dead kings live. The garden is outstanding. . . I can't believe no one told me how awesome Korean trees are. . . why is Korea famous for Kimchee and not famous for these balls-out, getting-their-freak-on TREES???? There's so many kinds, too. . . Korean pine trees which are wider than they are tall, weeping willows, reddish-purple maples, cherry trees still blossoming like they've been waiting for me to show up . . . random Bob Ross explosions of emerald and orange leaves. . .

But the Chongmyo buildings don't do it. I mean, sure it's huge, and ornate, and 3,000 years old. . .but in America, we'd call that a barn. Sorry, king's ghost.

CHANG GYONGGUNG is the best palace so far. Big buildings, epic courtyards, and this CRAZY HUGE ASS garden, which, as you might suspect, I get stoked on.

It's also full of those puffy-suited kindergarteners. And about a thousand elementary school students. I'm worried they might make fun of me, but instead they surround me and yell whatever English words they know. "How are you! Nice day!" One particularly serious kid intones, "Hair. Style. Very. Cool." And another kid hands me some sushi, which I eat. . . actually, that's the first time I've ever eaten sushi! It's that Irresistibly Cute Korean Kid factor.

I try to stammer "Gasahamnida" (thank you) but I totally choke. Those kids are intense.

Between Seun Arcade and Chongmyo there's a little plaza where a million retired dudes hang out and play Checkers, I mean 'Go', I mean 'Paduk'. They've got long wispy beards and styley hats, and are generally the coolest-looking cats in Seoul. They're all laughing and waving at me. . . I just say "annyoung hasseyo" (hello).

After the palaces, I go on a Random Walk, and find a prosthetic shop right next to the palace. Sure, why not? Wait, a minute, this isn't just a prosthetic shop, it's the Prosthetic District! There's TONS of the damn shops around here.

 

Then a thirty minute taxi ride to the south side of the city. Sure, it's expensive and slow, but I'm so glad to be off my feet, I don't even mind. yes, I'm GLAD I'm in a traffic jam.

On the south side, I go to MARQEE RECORDS, the heavy metal store. It has a totally huge-ass website, so I assumed it would be this big store full of burly metalheads, but in fact it's located . .. inside a coffee shop run by a nice old lady? The owner just looked like the most wholesome dude you could imagine. . .but he was totally nice to me, showing me the latest in Korean metal. as usual, the most raw, extreme metal band is one junior high kid recording in his bedroom.

Later that same night, I go to a concert at the CHONGDONG theatre with my penpal Yanghie. The concert has 7 acts. they didn't allow pictures, so I'm just going to post some random .jpgs i stole from Mr. Internet.

COURT MUSIC ENSEMBLE: the cool kind of Korean classical, not the 'so minimal you fall asleep' kind. Plus it sounds like Hava Negillah at times. The reeds, strings, and flute all play the same melody which gives it a really amazing, full texture.

BUCHAECHUM (FAN DANCE): the cliché exotic dance. But, they do 'the wave'. I wonder if all these Raiders fans knew they are imitating some Korean girls? And, what's up with all these women having really long necks?

SALPURI (FLOWER DANCE): this is just WAY too camp. The only good part of it is the huge-ass wigs that make the dancers look like some bad-ass 1940's Chola homegirls.

THE YELLING GRANDMA SONG : not nearly as interesting as it sounds. The music is kind of noodley, like bad Ethiopian. .. just endless strings of random pentatonic notes . .. but the old ladies get really into their vibrato, rapidly bouncing a note up and down like a 'wack-bak' paddle.

SAM-GO-MU; (in English: 'three drum dance'). This is one of the main reasons I came to Korea. All these women pounding drums while dancing acrobatically. It was prettier and less brutal than I'd imagined, but it was still rad. They drum while spinning around, they drum upside-down, basically it's like one of those hip hop DJ battles where they scratch with their butt or their elbow. Yeah, I know that's a cliché comparison.

SAMULNORI / ORCHESTRAL FUSION: this was the best part of the night. The classical guys trade riffs with the drummers. There's two main guys that just keep the beat, and some guy with a double-headed drum that solos the whole time, and some other guy with a little gong that beats out crazy polyrhythms, and then they all come together for some nutty non-repeating unison parts. The best of the best was when a second guy came out with a gong and they did 'dueling gongs', trading 4s like be-bop jazz guys. Christ it was good.

PUNGMUL ("farmers' dance"): this is the most famous of the Korean folk styles. But I have to say I found the rhythms confusing and kind of sloppy. The main attraction was the hats. . . the hats had these 12 foot tails on them, and the guys would do this crazy synchronized headbanging thing so they'd all be spinning these huge circles around them with the hat-tails. Then the guy with the little drum that looked like a ping-pong paddle would bust out with some crazy break-dancing shit. Awesome.

later, i can take some pictures with the drummers.

After the concert, we walk down this romantic moonlight lane . . .full of soldiers. Yay DMZ!

Anyway, when I get back to the hotel I unwrap Yanghie's present to me. (Koreans are fans of the 'unwrap the gift later' policy). Her gift is a cute little day-planner with a waifish, Little-Prince-looking guy on the cover, looking as innocent as can be.
And then here's the text that accompanies it:

Once upon a time, the famous writer
Aldous Huxley ("brave new world" is written by him . . . ^^)
experimented on LSD (a drug for visual dementia)
and then he first used this word, "Psychedelic."
Psychodelos is the place where we can see the mind!

um, ok!

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