part one - part two - part three

the exciting conclusion of Mr. Aida's RULES OF BEING A BETTER LADY:

THE LADY THAT BECAME THE WIFE OF A NUMBER-ONE HOST

Here’s another story about Mr. Chiba ? after all, I’ve known him a long time! For a period of time, he was actually married. Not to a customer, but to an elevator girl from the Odakyuu department store.She looked like Matsushima Nanako , a traditional Japanese beauty.

The first time he saw her, he thought, “Can there really be such a gorgeous woman in this world?” If even the number-one host thinks that, you can tell how pretty she must have been. Her father was the educational director at a prominent university, and she herself was not just a pretty face ? she projected an atmosphere of cosmopolitan smarts. Naturally a mizushobai hustler like him would have a weakness for an urbane, classy intellectual like her.

They dated for a time and then he proposed to her. He met her father at a restaurant. As you can imagine, they were from two very different worlds ? a gigol o and a professor. When she had told him, “I want to marry a host,” he sure was surprised, wasn’t he? But he figured he should n’t judge Chiba without at least meeting him one time. They met near Kabukicho, which was a good idea. We hosts like to be on our own territory. If it was elsewhere, he would have withered. Chiba was frankly still quite nervous, but he explained the situation and managed to get the father’s consent. Later, the father would exclaim, “I never knew there was such a reliable, hardworking man in the mizushobai business!” Most people think we’re all conscience-less hustlers or something!

Naturally there are polit e hosts and dishonest hosts, but to get to the Number One ranking, one has to have manners at least as good as a salariman or civil servant, if not better! Mr. Chiba captured the interest of this very square professor in one shot, and thus secured permission to marry.

As for his new wife, she adapted to the lifestyle pretty well. Even though he was always going out, she never got mad or even complained. When he had to go out on dates even on his day off, he’d just tell her, “I’m going to work, see you later!” S he’d just smile and wave. Naturally she had some idea of what “work” was, but she didn’t get jealous. She had the sense to see that complaining about his being surrounded by adoring women would only deprive him of his livelihood. In this way the first four years of the marriage passed uneventfully and prosperously. They even had two children, a boy and a girl, within a year of each other. Incidentally, his daughter is now the number one hostess at a Ueno hostess bar! I guess it runs in the blood. . .

Anyway, after four years, their relationship became gradually more and more strained. As always, Chiba was very popular at the club and couldn’t help but have pri vat e meetings with the customers. His wife would still see him off as he left the ho us e, and then continue to clean, cook, raise children, and single-mindedly wait for him to return at some point. I guess she got tired of that? After four years, she uttered her first complaint: “You! I don’t especially need your money, and I’ll be satisfied with a poor lifestyle. So, why don’t you quit your job . Any other job is okay with me ? a fisherman, a manual laborer. Just please quit being a gigolo!” That was all she said, but her heart was full of conflict.

As you can imagine, Mr. Chiba was quite moved by this. It turns out that she’d been bearing with him for years, but had reached her limit. But being a gigolo was the only thing he could really be proud of, and he was quite famous for his work, so it was not possible for him to quit so easily.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I really enjoy the job I have now. Please try to understand my feelings!” He received her consent and continued to work as a host. She never complained again.

Then one day, he got a call at work. “ It’s from your wife, ” said the assistant. She must have been in quite a state if they would call him away from a customer with whom he was having a very pleasant time, he thought, so he raced to the phone. “ S ave me,” she called in a fragile voice. Naturally he rushed home, and as soon as he opened the door, the smell of gas hit him. His wife was lying motionless on the floor , next to the oven . He called an ambulance and, luckily, there was no permanent injury. But clearly, his wife had become neurotic, and thereby plotted to commit suicide. In these circumstances it was impos s ible for him, as a dutiful husband, to continue gigolo-ing. So he moved out! Soon after, they got a divorce. At that time, she said to him, “Please take care of yourself” ? she was worried he would work too hard and neglect his health!

She tried her absolute best to play the role of the number-one-host’s wife, but finally, she could not tolerate it. But she was dignified and high-class to the end. Even today she will sometimes meet him and go out to dinner.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 15: good girls don’t complain at the drop of a hat. If you don’t open your mouth unless it’s really important, you will win the heart of your man.

QUIETLY PUTTING THE MONEY IN THE WALLET

Men are really all spoiled children, aren’t we? We’re always calling on women to save us and support us. But, a real “can-do girl” , well, we find her difficult too! A host named Mr. Matsunaga had a wife who was really methodical and efficient. Every day, Matsunaga would come home, take off his suit jacket and hang it in the same place, with his wallet in the same pocket. Since he’d usually stop on the way home for some sake, the wallet would usually be quite empty! The next morning, he’d put on a clean suit. And, as he’d do so, he’d invariably discover the wallet in the pocket of the new suit. And there would be money in it! It seems that his wife was in the habit of helping him out w hen he wasn’t looking, wasn’t she? She didn’t ask him what he was spending it on, nor did she ask him to even curtail his spending!

In the end, they divorced.

That’s what we mean when we say that being with such a “can-do girl” is a ticklish situation! They’re so efficient, the human feelings are missing. It’s hard to explain , but I feel that such a lady can’t express her emotions properly. Normal couples were made to fight, curse each other, and express the full emotions of women and men. If a guy is spending too much, it’s normal for the wife to rebuke him, isn’t it? But if he really needs money, it’s also an expression of love for the wife to bail him out! But if she always smiles and gives him money for no reason, we husbands are prone to think, “This is kind of ill!”

But a “detail-oriented gal” can be just as difficult to deal with as the “can-do gal.” We like our ladies to listen carefully to us, and comprehend what we say, and have a good head on their shoulders. But, the woman who is pretentious, or seems to think she is the smartest one in the room, is not going to be very popular! This applies to a lot of the high-end hostesses in ( Tokyo’s ritzy) Ginza district.

I n the most popular Ginza clubs, many men come in ? from the most high to the most low. So, the hostesses have to learn to talk fluently about a great variety of topics. From how to fry a potato, to economics and philosophy, if she can’t speak with great ease about it, she loses her job. But if she is more knowledgeable than the men, she won’t be able to do business, either! A top-class hostess knows well how to navigate this fine line. The customers aren’t paying to hear her opinion, after all; they just want a lady who is capable of understanding theirs! That’s why not just any pretty lady can be a Ginza hostess. Especially not one who pretends to be a show-off expert but is actually ignorant! Such a woman should quit, shouldn’t she? There’s a lot of male customers who want their hostesses to be a little dumb.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 16: women who are pretentious or who do too much for their men are given a could shoulder! It’s important to understand what your partner says, but if he is asking something bad, say no, and if he goes over your head, admit it to him.

ACTING COOL EVEN WHEN YOU ARE BEYOND TERRIFIED.

Whether you’re a husband or just a lover, the most awkward thing about fighting a woman is when her hysteria awakens. She is so utterly helpless! In the case of hysteria, most men simply have to give up. “It’s no use trying to reason with her!” they say, right? And the circumstance most likely to awaken the hysteria is, of course, when she discovers his infidelity!

No matter how much he explains or what logic he uses to justify his affair, she doesn’t hear a word he is saying ? it is the hysteria! Eventually, he says, “Whatever, I don’t care anymore!” and runs off to his mistress for consolation. If there were no love left at all, it would be simple to end it . But if she still likes him even a little, she has to keep a very cool head indeed if s he wants to save the relationship.

Men have affairs more casually, they say. Also, men tend to go ahead and do what they want recklessly, which has been known to cause problems regardless of the affairs. That is why it is important for the woman to keep a cool head, in spite of (and especially!) when she is deeply deeply angry.

You see, to men, the silent treatment is even scarier than being yelled at. It’s an effective technique to make a man apologize. In addition, it makes the man reflect on his own actions and criticize himself! The same technique applies when he gets down-sized during a corporate restructuring. You shouldn’t follow him around the house, yelling, “You!!! What are we gonna do now? You can’t pay for Hiroshi’s school! It would be good if you could put food on the table once in a while!!” He’s already depressed! In fact, you’re both probabl y shocked, confused, and don’t have a good idea of what to do. He might even be contemplating suicide. You should keep a cool head, and definitely not get hysterical. In any case, the situation will improve soon.

In my own case, I spared no efforts in the marriage, but in the end it looks like my wife is in control, isn’t she? Because she has such a cool head!

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 17: the hysterical woman will lose. The angrier you get, the more important it is to keep a cool head. If you can have patience and move at your own pace, you can control your man.

THE PROSTITUTE WHO BOUGHT A MANSION FOR THE MOTHER WHO THREW HER OUT.

At our “Morning-Service” clubs, most of the customers are fuzoku. To get rid of the stress of their jobs, they spend a lot of money, drink a lot of alcohol, and party in an un-elegant manner. But one of them was actually very magnetic! Kobayashi Megumi was a regular customer, but we just called her Meg.

Her mom was a hostess who dated gangsters, drank like a fish, and shot dope. Moms was always in jail, so young Meg was shuttled between the orphanage and her grandmother’s house. When Moms would get out, they’d live together, but even then Moms was only concerned with booze and dope. She would telephone her Moms to see if she could stay at home that day, but just from hearing Moms talk, she would know the answer: “Today she’s got the overdose-voice,” or “Today she’s got the drunk voice.”

As a child, she always thought she was about to die, “If not today, surely tomorrow,” she would feel. Anyway, that was elementary-school-age Meg. I don’t know how many times she cut her wrists, but she still has the scars today.

While she was still a teenager, she ran away, came to kabukicho, and started working at a HERUSU (“health,” meaning, massage parlor). She was tall for her age, so they believed she was legal. You might think, “Poor thing, her body will waste away from working as a fuzoku.” But Meg was different. For the first time, she was making money for herself, having enough to eat, so she was grateful.

She had been having a reoccurring dream - she would smell her Mom’s perfume, which would make her chest feel severe pain. A feeling of terror would overcome her, as if her chest was being squeezed in a vice. A feeling of dreadful isolation would grip her, as if she was being caught in a titanic undertow, down to the bottom of the ocean. And without being aware of it, she would be crying. She was scared to sleep at night. But, contrary to what you’d think, becoming a fuzoku made these dreams instantly stop.

Eventually she decided to work at a harder-core fuzoku shop, a soapland. She was so exhausted every night, but she was happy. That’s when she started coming to our club. She had been working very hard, and saving money since she was a teenager. Her motivation was clear: When she was young, she was desperately poor. And even though work was often dangerous, she never thought of quitting.

In her mid-twenties, she bought a mansion for the mother that threw her out. “Why would anyone do that for such a useless mother?” is a question that a normal person might ask. I myself asked her!

“I wanted to show her how far I’d come, I guess. With the money I earned from hard work, I could accomplish things that she never could.” She replied, with a spooky, vacant look.

At that point, she was earning about $40,000 a month at the soapland. Even for a prostitute, that’s a lot. Every day, she might have up to 18 partners. She’d meet a customer for the first time, talk to him, wash his body, and then have sex. After you do that 18 times, your body becomes very run-down. What’s more, when she was 21, a scammer swindled her out of $70,000. But even then, she never quit. She went back to work, and saved enough to buy a mansion for her useless mother. You have to admire that kind of fortitude.

When Moms was sick, Meg paid for a good doctor, the best hospital, although it might seem unnecessary. When Moms was on her deathbed, Meg bought her a $3,000/day private hospital room. She later told me she had some regrets, though. Naturally, I asked her to tell me more: “After she recovered, I wanted to take her to a hot-spring. When I was a girl, we didn’t go even once. That’s why I spent so much money on the hospital. But, it would have been better if I had said kind words to her, and I massaged her back as well. If I’d done that, we might have been able to go to hot springs together.” That’s the kind of story that could make you cry. I don’t know another woman that admirable.

Nowadays, she’s retired from fuzoku, and lives off the rent from the mansion she bought. She’s still in her thirties. She still comes to LOVE sometimes, and we always make sure she has a good time. She didn’t really have a family of her own, so she likes the family atmosphere we provide. Once she starts drinking, she doesn’t stop. When we open up, she is there. Nor does she leave to visit another club when we close ? she just comes back here the following day. She did that for over ninety to days! Finally, I scolded her about it; “If a woman goes out and plays everyday, without even taking a bath, she should bring a change of clothes, ne?” And I handed her some panties that I’d bought for the sake of the scolding!

But, for her part, she never did anything nasty, no matter how much she drank. She had a pure heart and a charming laugh. She was a woman who chose her own life and made her own money! A charming lady indeed.

WOMEN ARE WOMEN NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY GET

For women, aging is a big problem, isn’t it? They can only get by on their looks in their 20s, or at most their early 30s. After that, they’re no longer seen as female at work. In the end , they’re just called “Ma’am.” But they don’t feel like a “ma’am!” If they’re married, the second they have children they aren’t a lady anymore, they’re a mom. After awhile, even they forget that they’re a lady. Especially if they stop having the sex! But, I think they still want to be a lady. That’s why lots of older women come to the host clubs. In fact, some of them are really hot stuff! They have a really traditional polite attitude, and the wisdom which comes from age. They listen carefully to the hosts’ stories. You could say that they really know how to age gracefully. When it comes to customers, some old ladies are really remarkable.

The customers over 50, we call “agatta hito” ( the person whose menstruation is over), but sometimes when they go to the host club, they start menstruating again! When it comes to ladies, if the people around them can make them feel like a real woman, the effect is huge, right?

Occasionally, a young customer will bring her mother along. Sometimes they’ll even fall for the same host! And the hosts have been known to accommodate both of them. This is known as “oyako donburi” (parent-and-child- mixed meal). Even if they wind up competing for him, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Because they’ll try their best to be glamorous, and improve themselves in the process.

Once we even had a customer over 70. she loved to dance, but she had a bad heart condition, didn’t she? So every time, she’d bring her pacemaker along and dance with the hosts! Her feet were weak and she couldn’t dance so rapidly but even so, she looked like she w as enjoying herself! She couldn’t walk down stairs unassisted, so the hosts would even walk with her all the way to the sidewalk to make sure she was safe. She had a huge smile on her face the whole way, too. Once outside, her family was waiting for her with a wheelchair. She was one of our most satisfied customers!

Women are women, no matter how old they get. Whether you’re in your 70s or even 80s, if you play around at the host club, you’ll have a good time. Don’t be shy. The gigolos won’t make a poor face when they see you! If they did, they wouldn’t be pros!

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 21: as women get older, they should still pursue enjoyment as women. (rather than as wives or grandmas, or workers).

GIRLS WHO ARE GOOD LISTENERS VERSUS GIRLS WHO ARE GOOD TALKERS

Both the “good listener type” and the “good talker” type of girl are popular with hosts. Fundamentally, we are in the communication business, and we have to polish our talking skills very much. So when we meet a customer who has also taken care to polish her skills also, we’re grateful!

When we say “good listener,” we don’t just mean someone who nods politely and says, “ Y es, yes, mmm . ” We mean someone who presents the speaker with an environment where they feel comfortable talking about anything. T hey also say that a good listener has a smiling face. Someone who is always cutting in with, “ Ok but you know what?” . . you can’t say they’re a good listener.

Naturally our customers are paying money for hosts to listen to them, but you can’t enjoy a conversation where you just jabber on by yourself. Rapidly tossing phrases back and forth like “catch-ball” is the best way. But before you get that far, first you have to learn how to listen!

A “good talker” means simply that you have a lot of ways to express yourself. You use gestures and facial expressions to illustrate the story you are telling, and you know how much to touch your partner to maintain a close rapport. We Japanese are pretty poor when it comes to “body touch” and body language, but it is really important to being a good speaker.

Lightly resting your hand on your partner’s shoulder or knee, or giving their hand a squeeze, this makes all the difference when you are trying to communicate your message. Of course, being too clingy is against the rules, right? It’s like the way a child sticks to his mother. If you think about it that way, the woman who can communicate by expressing her maternal side is more likely to be loved than the lady who acts out the child’s role. More than hosts, all men will be charmed by you if you can behave maternally, so long as you aren’t a pushy Mom!

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 22: the lady who communicates well is always popular. If you can set your partner at ease, you are even better off.

CHAPTER FIVE

THE KIND OF GIRL WHO IS ABSOLUTELY NOT POPULAR.

THE GIRLS WHO DEMAND THE SEX

Recently, Japanese have become much more broad-minded about sex. Girls, especially, have been released from the stiff, formal roles, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it? But to men, women being pushy about sex is not always a good thing. If you think about it, s ex should be saved for last, right?

At our club, too, there are customers who want to speak really frankly about the sex! If they see a bunch of hot gigolos, they get really excited. But I can understand their feelings , b ut in the end, such a customer ruins the mood of the club. It’s more sexy to hint at things, but tease her by making her wait. (literally, “to make this kind of behavior be smelled, while at the same time delay the teasing!”)

One can enjoy many types of good conversation, dinner and drinks, dates, and so on, until the feelings accumulate and she gives herself to the man. That’s way is more proper for ladies, right?

The ladies who request the number-one host, they have a lot of rivals, but still each thinks that she will be the one to win him. But, for women who want to KIPPU (keep) a man, there are many rules about sex. But the most important rule is, give it up quick. (literally, “first, try to give your body”)

This rule is effective when dealing with an unpopular guy, but in this case we are talking about hosts! If you have sex with them only once or twice, it means nothing. There’s lots of them who think of sex is on the same level as, say, “Hello! How are you?” To them, if they have sex with a lady even one time, their interest in her suddenly and drastically diminishes. “It’s a different thing from love,” they explain.

Hosts often say, “The more I like her, the less easy it is to have casual sex with her.”

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 23: You should make sure your man is sufficiently in your power, before having sex. Sex that a woman demands is totally different from sex where a woman convinces a man it’s his idea to seduce her.

THE WOMAN WHO CAN’T TAKE A COMPLIMENT

I’m always saying to my gigolos, “No matter what kind of guests come in, let’s flatter them .” That’s no problem when it comes to the pretty or charming ones, but it can be difficult otherwise, right? Well, actually, no!

If you’re trying to make a pleasant connection with your partner, you can always find something good to say about them. For instance, “Those western clothes suit you really well. Only (insert name of celebrity) wears them as well as you do!” Even if it’s an older lady who is rotund with a face like a toad, you can try to compliment her fingers: “ XXXsan, your fingertips are really pretty. So delicate! It looks great!” or some goddamn thing like that, while gently stroking her fingertips. And it’s not just “mouth technique,” either. A real pro will manage to find something that he honestly believes is pretty to compliment. There’s not a woman alive who doesn’t like flattery, so not only will she be happy, but she might discover a new beautiful part of her self. In that way, you can polish the woman and make her shine.

Often the women that come for the fist time are really uncouth and low-class, but even they can become glamorous, little by little, if they come in often enough. Because the host teaches her about her hidden gorgeous points, through flattery. There’s a lot of cases of this! And naturally, the more glamorous they become, the more self-confidence they have outside the club. If you think about it that way, the host is playing the role of a KAUNSERAA (counselor). This is especially important in Japan, where most guys don’t know how to give compliments. The women who goddamn say, “I only get compliments at the host club,” is comparitavely large. Kind of sad, isn’t it?

The customers who are wearing BURANDO (brands) that look bad on them, or trendy makeup which does not suit their face, and so on, they don’t know their own glamorous points yet. The hosts will gently set them straight about what looks good on them: “Your look today is great, but Ms. XXXXX, there are other clothes that will suit you even better, yo! For instance. . . .”

This way, the lady who listens obediently will be able to come in next time, wearing clothes which are not a mistake. On the other hand, the lady who replies, “Whatever! I like these clothes!” . . . She will wind up continuing to wear clothes that don’t flatter them, They’ll miss out on a lot of compliments from guys that way, won’t they? It’s important to listen to people’s opinions.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 24: ladies can become beautiful simply by being complimented by men. If you can’t take a compliment, you’ll suffer, because compliments help you discover new beautiful parts of yourself.

LONELY LADIES AND LADIES THAT TRY TOO HARD

When you hear the phrase, “solitary man,” you imagine a cool rebel guy like actor Takakura Ken, right?

But when you hear the phrase, “solitary girl,” you imagine a shameful woman, right? Living in poverty or something. It’s not cool to be lonely. It’s possible that that kind of person might exist. In fact, many of our customers are like that! The women who are visiting for the first time, usually they have been hurt by a man. But the regular customers often bring their friends, and are very cheerful. It is a PATAAN (pattern). These kinds of big-spenders who bring lots of friends are called EDA (literally, branch. Figuratively, a support). But occasionally customers come in alone. We try to give them a big welcome, but sometimes they have a dark feeling about them.

You can generally tell right from when you first meet them. Usually this kind of lady can’t express herself properly or confidently. She wants to hide inside of her mental walls. She’s obviously got something she’s hiding , but no idea the best way for her to get it out of her system. But in any case, she emits a NEGATIBU OORA (negative aura). Because of that, she is not popular with men nor women. I guess the host club plays the role of a temple at which they can make a pilgrimage!

We’re always telling this sort of customer, “Never mind, you didn’t need her/him/it anyway!” or “Don’t try so hard, it’s not important anyway.”

I wish they could express themselves more confidently. These kinds of ladies seem to be all curled up inside a brittle shell, and it’s disgraceful. They really seem to be trying hard and getting nowhere.

Regular guys complain about another type of lady, too: “The girl who is trying too hard is unattractive,” they say. At work, too, such women don’t have any intimate friends. They’re attempting an impossible performance; trying to be someone they are not. Just like men who put on a false show of bravado to cover their own weakness. Let the guys have a monopoly on such foolish behavior. Don’t try so hard. If you are a lady who is doing what “the real you” wants to do, you will always shine!

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 25: the solitary lady is a shameful waste. If you like yourself, others will like you. If you put on a false show of bravado, you’ll get hurt in the end.

THE LADIES WHO ARE BAD AT “ AMAE”

As I look at my customers, I think, “A superb customer is one who is good at AMAE. (amae doesn’t even remotely correspond to an English word, but it means something like, to depend on or rely on someone . It can have both good and bad meanings, depending on if the AMAE is appropriate for the situation or not. What’s more, if you say a man is bad at AMAE, it means he won’t ask for help even when he needs it, but if you say a woman is bad at AMAE, it means she is too needy. That’s as simple as I can goddamn make it) ”

Of course hosts are complete professionals at taking care of women, flattering them and so on, but to console a woman excessively is kind of a sad feeling! But frequently, a customer will keep her head bowed, but flick her eyes up at the host and sigh, “I’m so lonely!” in a wheedling, high-pitched voice. That goes beyond AMAE, that’s just whining. When I talk about amae, I am referring to a method of communication. Amae means entrusting your partner with your deepest secrets and worries, to foster a closer bond. And to have this close bond means that she must also be good at helping hosts! That’s good amae.

For example, men sometimes want to rely on a woman for help or sympathy, but we’re no good at it. The man in trouble might put on a false show of power, frowning, yelling, giving the silent treatement, and so on. So women have to have a really good eye to see if he’s actually asking for help. Then, instead of offering to help him, you should instead ask for HIS help: “I’m in a jam! I’m in big trouble.” If you do that, he’ll feel solidarity with you, rather than shame for being the weaker one. “Yeah, we’re really in trouble now!” He’ll say. It makes him feel at ease.

If you’re good at amae, your host will say, “you tried everything but you’re still in trouble. I think you showed me your weak point!” and she will have his sympathy. But if you simply demand his sympathy with no subtlety, he will say, “Whatever. You can keep talking all you want.” Crying, too, is awkward. A politician recently got in trouble for saying, “Crying is a woman’s weapon,” but most men secretly agree with him.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 26: a good girl knows how to both ask for and give sympathy. She thinks of amae as a form of communication.

THE SHALLOW GIRL

Often, when one is in love, if one sees a hitherto unknown aspect of one’s partner, one loves them all the more. But as you find out everything about them, they quickly become dull. Your love can’t grow any further. That’s why you shouldn’t show everything to a man so soon. Some of our regulars are generally cheerful, but sometimes they’ll come in with a sad face, and this makes us worried. So we’ll listen to them, and ask them, and eventually find out that they are concerned about their husband’s affair. “Oh, so THAT’S what this is about, ” we’ll say. O r, “She has this whole other part of her life!” we think, and look at her in a new way. She seems like a more full, 3-dimensional person.

Hosts are always saying, “I like a hajirai girl!” Hajirai looks like the (Japanese) word for shy, but the hajirai girl is different from shy girls who are bashful with strangers , and different from girls who embarrass easily . Hajirai girls have a rich inner life which they keep mostly hidden.

So, when we say “hajirai girl,” we mean someone who has mastered the technique of revealing her inner depths slowly and provocatively.

As women get older, they accumulate burdens and regrets in life, don’t they? These hidden pains make an older woman mysterious and deep-seeming to humans. When a man sees a woman with secrets, he resolves to uncover them. Therefore, when we say “ Deep inside of a woman,” we don’t mean anything nasty by it ? it’s a compliment. If anything, a woman with no secrets seems boring and shallow to men, and we find it difficult to get excited about her.

THE FEMININITY LEARNED FROM GAYS

The people known as “gays” and “homosexuals,” can be usually found in a neighborhood called Shinjuku ni-chome. There’s many specialized gay shops there, too. But, in Kabukicho, too, there’s still a lot of gays, and some of them come to my club. There’s many different kinds of gays: those who like men who look like themselves, and then there are those who only like NONKE (straight guys). On top of that, there are DEBUSEN (fat specialist) and HAGESEN (bald specialist) gays too. Really, the variety is amazing. It’s a very deep, cryptic world they live in!

And of course the popular gigolos are popular with gays, too. But our hosts are fundamentally straight, so they don’t fall in love with those customers. They do become really close friends, though!

If you were to see one of our gay customers, you’d say, “He’s more feminine than a lady!” Because they really do play that role intentionally. A lot of these guys are really manly at work, but as soon as they get off, they show their “real face.” In other words, their real “performance” is during the daytime! The extent of the performance is different from man to man; some even go so far as to get married. It’s a hard life! So, to unwind, they come to ni-chome or to my club.

It’s quite a release for them, isn’t it? They can become finally feminine. They pay attention to all the details of femininity, and fuss over the hosts so much. Some even help out at the club. They’re not real girls, but they’re ready to do everything girls do.

They enjoy chattering with the hosts. This one gay is always goddamn saying, “That girl over there, she doesn’t perform the female role at all well!” or, “Women are all fundamentally like movie stars! They should act the role of girlishness, and at all times consider how to improve the performance! Those that don’t will never be popular! Forget about it!” This lifestyle sounds exhausting, but, as he puts it, “The life lived while constantly changing the speed is exciting!” So you can see, that if a woman is loved by even such strict gays, she will be popular with regular guys too!

Gays always check the details of women’s clothes and behavior, and are always practicing the details themselves. They develop a very discerning eye for feminine things, and are generally much sharper than real women. If a gay is charmed by a lady, she can tell that she’s really above-average. On the other hand, if a gay really dislikes you, you’ve got some work to do in the makeover department!

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 28: the good girl can play the female role. At all times consider what is the most feminine thing to do.

THE FEMININITY LEARNED FROM DRAG KINGS??

Earlier, I mentioned my “onabe club” called NEW MARILYN. My daughter is the manager! Onabes are born female, but they feel wrong being women, so they decide to live life as men. My onabe hosts inject male hormones, and appear more manly than most guys! Although they are often mistaken for REZUBIAN, it’s not the same thing. Lesbians think of themselves as women who like chicks, so they don’t change their gender. Likewise, onabes aren’t the same as HOMO or NYUUHAAFU (new-half). Homos are men who like men! And new-halfs are men who become ladies!

Our Number-One host at NEW MARILYN is named Hide. Hide really acts mannish! Her first love was her kindergarten lady teacher! In junior high, she’d quarrel with her dude friends over who got to date the chick, and ever since then she’s been living as a man. Ever since she started working for us, she’s been popular. Even hi-class soapland ladies and the daughter of a hospital manager choose her! I asked her what is her secret for charming the ladies and finding their weak points, and she said, “Well, Boss, it’s like this : I refuse to pamper these bitches!” And they love it, don’t they?

She’s secretly living with a lady who used to be a hostess. In other words, quite a normal girl. From her point of view, Hide isn’t just macho and cool, but Hide also knows women’s thoughts and emotions more than men, because Hide’s a lady! It’s like the best of both worlds, except they can’t have normal sex. Male to female surgery is much more easy: all they have to do is cut off the male part. But there’ve been new-halfs who die from taking too many hormones. So they have to be really careful of the danger.

In the case of onabes who want surgery, they have to build a thing, which is comparatively difficult. One can get it done overseas, but not yet in Japan. So in Japan, even amongst the fiercer onabes, to have a PENISU is rare. That’s why I say they can’t have normal sex. but as smooth, smooth lovers, they are absolutely the equal of men.

Also, there’s a popular onabe called Shunpei. He has even been on tv, he’s quite famous actually. He’s t a ll and used to do ballet, too. He used to often perform with the National Ballet Troupe at their shows. O f course she had to perform with women ? getting in the shower room afterwards must have been tough! Naked ballerinas are not a bad thing, but it could be very tiring to remain polite if one is a man inside! She says she used to claim menstruation so she could use a private bath off to the side.

That’s what you’d call a “real gentleman!”

When she walks through Kabukicho, she is approached by the fuzoku ladies: “Hey, older brother! You look handsome! Won’t you come back to the club and spew in a great girl?” they say. She replys, “Yo, I ain’t got shit to spew with, bitch!”

One time she was married. To a new half. If you think about it, it makes sense ? the roles are the same, aren’t they? Just reversed, is all. She separated from the new half, but her next lover was ? get ready ? another new half! A dancer, in fact. Really beau t iful , I also was attracted kind of !

They lived together for a time but ultimately separated. It seems they had a lot of household rules ? the onabe’s toothbrush had to be blue, and the new-half’s had to be pink, and so on. But they had fun: they would always go to the bar and drink TOROPIKARUKAKUTERU (tropical cocktails), from both sides of the bowl, with their respective straws. ? blue for the onabe, and pink for the new-half. Then they’d look at each other and whisper, “We’re giving ourselves away!” At any rate, these guys ? or should I say girls ? had a lot of shared experiences like this.

“I don’t want to have surgery and entirely become a man, nor do I want to go back to being a girl. I’m fine the way I am now!” is the image that she projects. As far as being unable to have normal sex, she has plenty of other experiences to make up for it, she says.

Incidentally, more than normal people, these guys have a hard time admitting their true feelings to family and friends. Also, they have a very difficult time accepting who they are, to themselves. Even Shunpei. W hen she was young, always thought she’d commit suicide. “I can’t live as either a man or a woman so I should just die,” she’d think. It was a very grave situation. But, once you accept yourself, you’ll get more respect from others as well as enjoy your life more. Onabes who have firmly decided to be gigolos 24/7 . . .they shine brighter than most people

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 29: it’s important to accept yourself. People who can admit the truth to themselves appear shiny to others.

GIRLS WHO CAN’T PARTY WITH CLASS.

Of course, a host club is a place where one pays to let one’s hair down . But naturally there are rules, even for parties. Hosts hate a girl who ignores these rules. The person who drinks alcohol and gets wild, so to speak, can go too far! There are even customers who get in fights with hosts as a result of drinking! “XXXkun, you really don’t like me, do you? You like YYYYchan!” they’ll say. It’s awkward! And yet it’s really cute, so we can forgive them. But if they overdo the drinking, they start a cting just like a dirty old man. No good!

You should keep your economic condition in mind, and only drink within your budget. Hosts are tired of customers saying, “I don’t have that much money!” after they get the bill. As long as we’re discussing money, hosts hate a girl who doesn’t know she is supposed to pay for dates. Normally the man pays, of course, but don’t for a moment think that that is natural. Sometimes you should pay, and sometimes him. But to refuse when a guy offers to pay is just terrible. There are ladies who have such a policy but they must all be frigid.

It’s normal to bring a friend to the club, but some customers bring two or even three fri e nds. The evening starts off pleasantly, but as they get drunker, they want to be alone with the gigolo who is waiting on them, and touch him. It becomes a woman’s battle. To bystanders, it looks disgraceful. So greedy and avaricious and drunk! Those kinds of women are usually hated by their own gender. And make no mistake, guys tend to notice things like that. If a woman is trusted by her own gender, she’ll get trusted by men, too!

The lady who makes fun of the HERUPU (helper) is also no good! The helper is a host who accompanies the customer and her chosen host to their table and talks with them for a bit. Young hosts often help more experienced hosts, in return for learning techniques of conversation and smoothness. T he helper is really trying hard to add to the atmosphere, or so he thinks! But o ften the customers are only aiming to sleep with their chosen host, so they want the helper to leave. Of course, the host likes having the helper around, because he keeps the customers from getting too frisky. But when the helper talks, the customers might ignore him or have a bad attitude. T heir chosen host obviously notices this and decides that the customer is ugly and useless.

Incidentally, everything I’ve mentioned so far in this segment is something that hosts talk about at the club. But, as you know, your friends in the real world might share the opinions of the hosts, so be careful!

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 30: the girl who doesn’t know the party rules will be hated! Whe n you party too much, you show everyone your true face. Guys like a girl who can enjoy herself elegantly.

AFTERWORD

BOTH MEN AND WOMEN REQUEST THE LOVE

THE FONDNESS BETWEEN GIGOLO AND CUSTOMER

In the mizu shobai business, they have a saying: “We love our customers, but we are not in love with them!” It means, they love the customers, but they don’t have a relationship with them outside of business. But at the host club, it’s not limited to that. Of course we love ladies as customers, but we love them as women as well! The customers fall for the gigolos, but often the gigolo can’t help loving her back. Can you really attract him or is he just acting? That’s part of the fun of going to the club!

But in practice, if they go beyond a mere “customer and host” relationship, the host can be quite fierce to the lady! For instance, if her manners are not correct, he will say, “Hey, XXXsan, you’re acting low-class!” Or if she is drinking too much, he will warn her, “Let’s quit for today, ok?” and whisk away her glass. If she is making fun of another customer, or criticizing the attitude of another host, he’ll say, “Knock it off!” or “Don’t act smart!” and really let her have it. The reason is, if he really likes a lady, he can’t hide his true emotions from her. “I only fight with girls I like,” they say.

In other words, ladies, the stricter he is with you, the more he likes you. And if you really like him, you’ll listen to his criticism and take it into account.

But even if you do wind up dating a host, that doesn’t mean that you’ll necessarily be able keep him or to marry him. It’s just what we call “koi wo tanoshimu,” (enjoying the feeling of love). As opposed to the very similar expression, “koi wo suru” (loving each other).

For example, if a lady has a lover at home and they’re getting along, (or even if she has a husband at home, and he is bringing home the bacon for her), she will still try to be really good friends with a gigolo. This kind of lady has a “koi wo tanoshimu” attitude. The host is just someone she can play with, isn’t he? “Koi wo suru” is different - if you don’t “koi wo suru” with your gigolo, you’re not going to enjoy coming to the club. Please don’t misunderstand me ? I am not talking about having an affair. I’m talking about a Platonic love that comes from the heart if you really like your gigolo. Nothing worse than that! But on the other hand, many women are able to balance their home life and life with their sexual lovers, too. I guess you could say that the woman who has had many types of relationships is more beautiful for it.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 31: If a lady has felt many kinds of love, she will become more womanly. The lady who loves many men Platonically is not really cheating on her husband.

WHY DO WOMEN GO TO HOST CLUBS?

Men and women are different, and they spend money in different places. Men can go to a fuzoku , a bar, or a club, and escape from their everyday existence. But ther e are almost no places for women who want to escape. That’s why host clubs are so venerated by the ladies! Not only that, but regular customers gradually become more beautiful because they are groomed by the hosts. You could say that they study lots of things with the hosts! How to start a conversation, the proper treatment of men, How to dress more glamorously, and so on.

Working women have no chance to study these things at the office! Even when they’re in public, it’s the same problem ? they have to keep up their TATEMAE (generally translated as “public, not private, self” or “outward face”). In contrast, the host club is a more intimate, private place, where they can express their HONNNE (the counterpart of TATEMAE ? the “real self”. The thing that westerners do 24/7 ? not! How did that rumor get started any damn how??)

At any rate, it is a place where the ladies can experience something beyond their everyday SHICHUEESHON (situation).

Gasping with surprise, “I am really such a glamorous lady!” she will discover . I know lots of customers who have improved their looks and attitude as a result of being a regular gigolo-visitor! All the money you spend here; if you think of it as an investment, it’s not that expensive. Just like stylish clothes, makeup, going to beautiful places and having wonderful experiences all should cost money. Women should have the freedom to manage their own money, after all.

If I had to quickly answer the question, “Why do women go?” I would say this: women get more pretty, more knowledgeable, and more feminine. They are polished by the gigolos. It’s just like any other female investment ? beauty parlors, nail salons, shopping ? something that the ladies do to feel pretty.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 32: you should invest in your own beauty.

THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES GET LOVED BY OTHERS

For a woman to be beautiful, she has to meet this condition: she has to love men. That means, don’t just think, “I want to be loved” all the time, love your partner, too! But love is difficult, isn’t it? Sometimes even couples who really do like each other and work at the relationship nonetheless break up. Likewise , there are many cases where one partner tries to love the other but instead winds up being possessive and smothering them. If you really love someone, you’ll believe in the love so strongly that you won’t need a lot of rules or jealousy. Fi rst you have to have confidence in yourself, that you are worthy of fidelity! Only then can you believe in your partner.

Some women goddamn say, “Where did you go last night?!” every single time, but it is possible for you to not yell this! He might feel guilty anyway, and make an excuse for staying out. But it is possible for you to not yell at him for that, either. Even if it’s pretty obviously a lie, you should answer “Oh. So that’s why!” and you’ll enjoy life more. What’s more, if you know yourself, it becomes easier to have confiden c e in yourself. That’s why beautiful women are never insecure! And they can love others better because of it.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 33: if you have self-confidence, you will be more able to love. And if you can love a man, you will appear more beautiful.

JOINTLY OWN A DREAM WITH YOUR MAN

If you already have a boyfriend, or a husband, you’ll get along better if you share a common dream. All the successful hosts have big dreams, too! Such as being the Number One, or opening their own host club, or even amassing enough capital to start their own corporation. And the customers that support him share his dream. So when he wins, it’s like they both win! Those customers know that if he gets famous, it will have an exquisite flavor.

Of course, such a relationship is not limited to gigolos and customers. If you really love a man, and he’s sad, you’ll cry too. If he gets a promotion at work, you’ll say “Go for it!” too. In other words, you’ll reward him from your heart for his efforts. Of course, if you compliment him all the time, it will sound hollow. And if he says something utterly irrelevant, you can scold him: “What kind of idiotic thing are you saying?” But if you work hard to realize his dream and it comes true, your happiness will exceed his.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 34: If you see the same dream as him and you suffer together to work for the dream, no matter how many years it takes, you’ll be happy together. That’s undoubtedly the most exquisite flavor that a woman can taste.

BOTH WOMEN AND MEN REQUEST THE LOVE

Even today, many customers come to my clubs. Women in gorgeous, sumptuous clothes, and some with plain garb. Women who come alone and those who bring their friends along. They are working as housewives, office workers, corporate mangers, and fuzoku, respectively. Whatever the case, they have a lot of daily burdens. But the instant they set foot in our doorstep, they become a queen. They’re surrounded by men in elegant suits and ushered into a private booth, where a gigolo sits beside them. The sake arrives just in time, and the conversation begins. At the host club, every woman is a queen! But, that alone is not why the ladies come.

They come because the gigolos love them! The gigolo flatters and entertains a lady from his heart! Whatever kind of lady, married or single, everyone wants to be loved. The same goes for men. The number one hosts didn’t get there entirely on their own strength ? they got there because they were loved. And not just hosts, but regular guys, too, exhaust themselves at work for the sake of their family, so they want some love in return. And because they get the love, they continue to try their best on the job. (regular guys are whores too!) (love is a commodity to be bartered!) (the ultimate purpose of love is helping worker productivity and increasing shareholder revenue!! ) If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this business it’s that both men and women request the love. That’s why I have affection for all my customers, and they seem to love me in return. If the customer loves the host, he’ll return it. That’s why I named my club LOVE.

BETTER LADIES’ RULE NUMBER 35: if you love, you’ll receive love in return.

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