1/23/2004
I would like to draw attention to one of the most serious problems facing japanese society:
see, do i really need to explain this??
High school students think that when they wear their skirts up to their crotch, that they look "cute" -- like Sailor Moon or something. Because they are young and maybe they can not tell the difference between cartoons and reality. Charlie Brown is a cute cartoon too, but that don't mean I am going to inflate my real-life head to 5 times its normal size! and walk around with a 200 pound head going, "Aren't I cute?" Anyway, the students think they are cute, but the rest of society is like, "No, cute is puppies and bunnies. You look like fifteen hookers. WTF. either get butt-nekkid on the street or go do a book report or something."
This problem is messing up Japan. and because I am so full of goodwill, i have taken it upon myself to solve it.
first, we have to analyze the problem more closely.
i sympathyze with high-school students who must spend every moment guarding their pants against the peeping eyes of perverts and prizewinning economists.
Most students solve the "peeping tom" problem with cleverly placed luggage, like so:
but -- this solution is very inelegant, and un-cute, isn't it? Carrying around bulky luggage like that. What is the point of wearing a "cute" skirt if you wind up looking so awkward? People can't even see the skirt, let alone the underpants.
Not to mention, why should a student HAVE to even worry about perverts in the first place? It is unfair!
So, here is my solution:
BEHOLD, THE UNDERBAG!
THE UNDERBAG is a crotch-hammock suspended between the thighs. It is a marvel of efficiency, sophistication, and sexual liberation.
1) any old pervert with a mirror, shoe-camera, or cell-phone camera will not be able to see the pants. All they will be able to see is how fashionable your Chanel or Louis Vouitton bag is.
2) No more carrying around un--cute, awkward luggage. You can show off your skirt without showing off anything else.
3) The bow-legged gait of the UNDERBAG user will correct the rediculous pigeon-toed walk which many japanese women suffer from.
4) the "crotch-hammock" design fits conviniently into the big gap between Japanese women's legs.
5) It is no secret that fashion-conscious women use men to pay for new handbags. So why not cut out the boyfriend and just hump the handbag directly? See, that is what good design is about. Efficiency.
perhaps a "before-and-after" will make things even more clear. . . .
go from THIS . . .
. . . to THIS
with the UNDERBAG.
.
.
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