HOW TO TALK LIKE DR. STRANGE
Remember those old Dr. Strange comics? the early ‘60s Marvel comics by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko? I loved those shits something fierce. The plots frequently made no sense, and I have since learned that we live in a corrupt world devoid of magic or redemption, but the stories continue to impress me. Not just because we share the same name (“strange”), but also because of the totally-ahead-of-its-time psychedelic art. And even more than the art, is the WRITING. Most superheros, granted, talk pretty funny: “your beta-razor is no match for my infra-boots, Doinglman!”. But the dialogue of the early dr. strange was just so far beyond: “Let the ass of the Vishanti banish you from the eyes of Man! Let it ever be so!” “Noo, it is abominable to me! My calamitous conjuration has gone awry!” and so on.
For years I walked around with half-remembered phrases and incantations in my head; remnants of comics I had read 20 or more years before! Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore and I broke down and re-bought the comics. What I lack in childlike wonder I hope to make up for in adult nerdiness, so I dutifully wrote down all the incantations and catch-phrases. There weren’t as many as I remembered, but there were, on the other hand, hella geinius-level bombastic Plus Five syntax. Which I also copied! It was LIKE superhero-talkin’ but not. It prefigured heavy-metal ranting and D&D maniac-speak, but was not OF it. It had a touch of the soap-opera, a serious old-testament influence, and gallons of pure bullshit. Never before or since has this precise recipie been made- I guess, in the end, the bizarre syntax was the spell I had fallen under as a kid. Where they got it from I have no idea, but here for your at-work-water-cooler-conversatin’ pleasure is
HOW TO TALK LIKE DOCTOR STRANGE VOLUME THE FIRST.
NICKNAMES YOU CAN REQUEST, NAY, DEMAND, TO BE CALLED BY:
Master of black magic
Master of the mystic arts
Master of the macabe
The man of many mysteries
ACTUAL GUYS TO INVOKE, SHOULD THE GOING GET ROUGH:
The All-seeing agmotto
The Vapors of valtorr
The eternal vishanti!
the vapors of the vishanti
The dread dormammu
The hoary hosts of the hoggoth
The omnipotent oshtur
The 12 moons of munnopor
The many moons of munnopor!
By the shades of the seraphim!
Seven rings of raggedor
The Crimson bands of cyttorak
In the name of Satannish the supreme!
Unfaltering flames of the faltine!
OTHER TOOLS OF THE TRADE:
Sanctum sanctorum
Enchanted amulet
Cloak of levitation
Astral self
All-seeing eye
Chamber of shadows
I call upon the mystic realm
Shadow worlds
Ancient manuscripts
Ancient scribes
the shadow world
the mystic maze of infinity
PALS YOU WILL HAVE:
Ancient one
Wong
Clea
Eternity
ENEMIES YOU WILL NARROWLY ESCAPE THE TREACHEROUS PLOTS OF:
Baron mordo
Nightmare, tyrant king of the dream world
Aggamon of the purple veil
Zota, the Egyptian sorcerer
Loki
Dread Dormammu
mindless ones
the Demon
Tiboro! The tyrant of the sixth dimension.
Kaluu, the bizarre ancient one
Umar the unrelenting, Dormammu’s sister
VOCABULARY WORDS TO MEMORIZE:
Occult
Tamam shud! (byebye)
disciple
Mystic domain
Beyond human ken
unfathomable
Emanations
Puny
Diabolical
Deathless
Stygian void
esoteric epic
supernatural sensation
incantation
ethereal
ominous
vanquish
startling
sorcery
conjure (or, frankly, conjuration)
eerie
macabre
netherworld
denizens (0f XXX)
ectoplasmic
accursed
dread (adj)
COOL WAYS TO START A SPELL, SHOULD YOU NEED TO UNLEASH DREAD FORCES:
In the name of XXX
By the powers of XXX
I Summon the powers of the ?
I call upon XXX
--- at my command!
At the command of XXX
I summon the spells of XXX
By the grey spectre of ---
RIGHTEOUS WAYS TO SPRUCE UP A SENTENCE:
(noun) + Utterly beyond human comprehension
Heed the …
Unversed in the ways of …
An Xxx which defies mortal calculation!
Thus it has ever been! Thus it shall ever be!
Peer behind the purple veil!
Enough!
Silence!
Your life will be forfeit!
Let the (amazing magical Noun) drive you from the sight of man!!
--- is appalling to me!!
let no man XXX
behold!
--- of mystery!
Stay your wrath!
XXX of darkness!
XXX is as nothing before me!!
My will must be done!
Strange tales
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