DATE: saturday DECEMBER 30
ENGRISH OF THE DAY:
SOUNDTRACK: 'please please please' - james brown
'human' - nomeansno
the FUYU KOMIKE is the Japan's National winter comic book and game convention. Everyone who is selling things here, is just doing it as a hobby. Since they don't make any money (hardly) it's ok for them to totally steal copyrighted mainstream characters. What else is amazing: EVERYONE who has this hobby comes to Tokyo for this. Can you imagine some event where EVERY bluegrass fiddler or EVERY model train collector had to come? Only in Japan. . . the convention is 3 days, each with a different theme. Today's theme was: 'men's comics' which meant that it was 95% porn, up from the usual 90%.
First we went to see the video game section. This shit is amazing, because there are HUNDREDS of games, and they are all made JUST AS A HOBBY. Like some guy in his room after work, making a whole video game. Apparently that's possible.
home made video games work like this: there is a still picture on the screen. There are several sentences of text: your character's options (things he can say or do). You click on one sentence. Yes, just like the old 'choose your old adventure' books, but with tiny pixilated genitals. After you choose, you get another still picture and text. BUT, if you reach the end of a level, THEN you get to see a totally dirty animation of your character scoring with pixel babes. This animation is totally not interactive though. As I have said before, I am against these nerd-sex games, because if you are TRULY that nerdy you should have no trouble jerking off to Pac man. If you're nerdy enough to play these games, the mere sight of Super Mario (or even his evil twin Wario) should make you all hot. Perhaps especially Wario, whose lack of inhibition would probably make him more inventive in bed.
but that's a whole 'nother website.
Also, there are also the traditional (meaning, 'violence') video games,
which ARE 3d and interactive, but just made buy guys as a hobby. Which is
INSANE because they look as good as the professional games!! I guess the
main distinction is, the games here are totally
copyright-nose-thumbing-at, and therefore you can buy games where
different famous comic book characters slug it out. I'm trying to imagine
the American equivalent of this. Like, say , if you could buy a game where
Linus did like Mortal Kombat moves on , I don't know. . . Garfield. Wait,
that's terrible. On Doonesbury. Yeah, that's better. Just
cold stomping Doonesbury's ass. FINISH HIM!!
My friend Doi=san was selling some choose-your-own-adventure game (not sex-style, but more like a medieval murder mystery / soap opera / sad romance / with elves), and I was supposed to help him. So I played Vanna White for a while.
Then we went to check out the Yaoi. (gay porno comics written only by nerdy middle-aged women) (long story) I was doing what I usually do with Yaoi authors: reading their comics, and asking them, "kare wa, nani sai desu ka? Shita no kami ga arimasen ne? chotto kodomo to omoimasu!" ("how old is he? He doesn't have any hair down there, does he? So I think he's really young!") but my Japanese friends were all like, "gomen nassai! Gomen nassai!" ("very sorry! Very sorry!") to the lady. They were totally scandalized. I was like, "dude, I'M not the one doing kiddy porn here --?!?" but on the other hand, the kiddy porn lady seemed totally nice and unthreatening, the furthest thing from the Trench coat In The Bushes kind of perv.
If anyone reading this is a college student / faculty in a western country, please ask the nearest Womyns' Studies Proffesor how i am supposed to feel about Yaoi kiddie porn. what exactly is the p.c. response to this woman-centric and mainstream-defying, empowering type of, um, material?
Then we went to see the cosplay.
Then we went to the pervert comic's section. We're all walking around, shamelessly browsing through page after page of elf rape and maid bondage. Totally casual. Then I start to get nervous. Shifty-eyed. . I am gripped by nameless compulsions. Suddenly I make an excuse to leave my friends. They can't know about what I'm going to do. They'll think i'm weird. I slink off alone, into the crowd. Shamefully I seek out this one corner of the building, and buy book after book. . . of middle-aged moms' drawings of their cute little pets. This is a whole genre now. Women that do comics on the theme of, "look what wacky adventures my pet cat had." it's totally innocent and cute and not at all hentai, and I honestly can't get enough of the stuff. I need help. Like, this wasn't a joke. I wasn't doing this to be a jackass. It wasn't until later that I realized I had done the exact opposite of what I was supposed to.
Oh, Also I bought some Ultra man Sodomy books.
Then I found a table of manga about men having sex. But for some reason guys were drawing it. how wacky! Only in Japan!! I was like, 'is this some kind of Yaoi?' and they were like, 'no, this is gay.' And I was like, 'what is this 'gay?' Is that some kind of Yaoi for guys now?'
Total jackass.
Eventually I asked his pal, "dude, I know that yaoi is for women and gay manga is for men, but how are the stories different? How is the feeling different?" that's a difficult question, even if you DO speak English! And dude didn't really speak English though. Finally he said, "yaoi is too metaphysical." He RULES.
Also, porno Mumintroll for less than a dollar.
Then I found a table selling photos and memorabilia for the JAPAN SUPER HANDICAPPED PRO WRESTLING LEAGUE. Which is exactly what you think it is.
At 4 pm, a fairly big cheer went up through
the crowd. From one end of the HUGE auditorium to the other, the cheer swept
like a giant unexpected wave. People were clapping and yelling. The day
was over. As we walked back, I was reminded of this movie called TWILIGHT
OF THE NERDS . . . . .
tomorrow: new year's day. we're going to party like it was 5 years ago.
{testbody}
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