DATE: MONDAY DEC 15
Special christmas edition!
Still don't know what to get your loved ones at this special time of year?
In the spirit of sharing and caring, Tokyo damage report will once again swoop to the rescue: nothing says "merry Japanese Christmas" like used panties!
Just in time to save your Christmas, let me present (heh) you with a selection of merchandise in all price ranges, from cheap goods for distant relatives, to the really expensive stuff for the important family members / high-ranking politicians in your life.
Here's a little background: the hobby / fesish / cult is called BURUSERA. 'buru' from 'bloomers' and 'sera' from 'sailor suit'. It's not just about panties. . .it's about collecting high school uniforms. And panties. The bloomers are like these totally Tiny Shorts that all schoolgirls are forced to wear during P.E. and the sailor suits are. . . well, you know.
They don't put it in vending machines anymore. Sorry to bust your bubble.
But still, there's a pretty advanced black market in this stuff. guys all trading and having BBSes and pervert EBAY and stuff. . . .they even have their own little department stores. Normally I, being pure and faint of heart, would never go to such a filthy place. but what if some reader just can't find the right present for Old Dirty Grandpa? Christmas is ruined!! And there is nothing I wouldn't do to save Christmas for each and every one of you! so, off I went. Three times.
Burusera shop #1 : ROPE SHIBUYA
you wouldn't know it, but the tiny office behind that yellow rectangular sign is one of the most bizarre places in the city.
ROPE is Located in downtown shibuya, really close to the infamous '109 building' shopping mall. I guess that's a convenient location because gals who really want that new platform/miniskirt/shinything but can't afford it. . . . can just nip down to ROPE for a few minutes and make some quick cash. It's a win/win situation!
The owner was being all bored and sitting and reading the sports pages, . . . just as if he wasn't SURROUNDED BY EIGHT MILLION PEE-STAINED PANTIES. He's all like, 'yeah, another day another dollar' and shit. . . but despite how dull his job is, he was a nice enough guy and answered some of my questions. How old is Rope? (15 years). Do lots of tourists come here as a gag? (no). Then I asked the real question: why are some panties around $60, while others are only $30? Without missing a beat, my man replied, "the cheap ones have been washed." Ba-dum, BUMP. I totally set myself up for that punchline. Seriously that was the funniest thing I have yet heard, and he did it with a straight face. The man is amazing.
If burusera were atomic physics, Ziploc bags would be quarks: the basic unit of exchange. Everything is sealed. It keeps the shop from stanking, AND saves all the odor for the collector to savor later. And of course the Placement Of Panties In The Bags is also very significant: they are folded so the pee stain is on one side for your inspection, and the polaroid of the wearer is on the other side. You gotta have polaroids to show that these panties are in some way authentic, and because some of the less-motivated perverts might want something besides just panties, something with arms and legs, to look at when they are doing their business.
your christmas shopping list:
USED BLOOMERS AND GYM SHIRT;
$100
USED UNIFORMS: $500-700 (depends on how prestigious the school is. I love
how this school-prestige system effects everything in japan's economy, right
down to the black market)
DIRTY PANTIES $50-60
CLEAN PANTIES $30
BIG-ASS SMORGASBORD of dirty panties, but without any polaroids: $180
AND, my favorite: THE MYSTERY
BAG. This is the scariest thing in the whole store. A bag about 10"
long, 10" wide, and 2 pounds. Dude, if even these guys are ashamed
of it, you'd better not be giving it to your mom unless you're REALLY out
of ideas.
How to find ROPE: IT'S behind 109 building. as you approach 109 from shibuya station, turn left so that the 109 is on your right, keep going until you see a little archway on your right, with a giant PacMan looking creature on it. then walk one block until you see a Lawson's. left at Lawsons, go another block and the ROPE sign should be on your right.
Shop #2 and #3:
The ADO shop is in the DAIKAN PLAZA building: 7-1-7 shinjuku, #403. Just 2 blocks northwest of the station.
DAIKAN PLAZA should really have a TDR entry all to itself. It's a huge building that used to be offices. But it's been converted to a bunch of teeny tiny stores that you'd never even know were there unless you had been told. The theme of the stores seems to be: WHATEVER DOESN'T FIT IN ANYWHERE ELSE. Like the urban planners just took hundreds of tiny businesses that were just too weird, and jammed them all in this one office building, out of sight. You have your used gym shorts shop next to your foot massage joint, next to your avant-garde Noise Music CD shop, next to, of course, the ESPARANTO office. This building seriously kicks ass. Did I mention it also has a mezzanine???
Anyway, the ADO shop mostly has new uniforms. I'm not sure if they're 'real' or if they're just costumes made by ADO, in the style of real schoolgirl uniforms. Not a lot of used stuff here. . . . My friend says that the Shinjuku police are more strict than the Shibuya cops, so that's why. Apparently if the ADO guys think you're not a narc, they'll let you make an appointment to come back and see some serious stuff. oddly, this doesn't stop them from selling blood-soaked SANITARY NAPKINS though. They come with a Polaroid of the woman holding it up and smiling. She wrote 'napkin!!! (heart heart)' on the photo in pen. No mention of her blood type though.
I asked the ADO guy, who buys these uniforms? Not real schoolgirls obviously. And they look a little small for drag queens. He got all indignant and said in English, "normal people!!" well, there you go. That's what you can tell Grandma when she unwraps her present.
The other amazing thing ADO had, was ZENSHIN TAITSU DVDs. This is a fetish I have never seen before. People in full-body tights. These tights completely cover the face also, turning the person into a sort of featureless Pompeii-style mannequin. It's so not naked!!!
your ADO shopping list:
JAPAN AIRLINES STEWARDESS
UNIFORM: $3,000
Bloody 'NAPKIN' with photo $20
ZENSHIN TAITSU dvd, $40
There's a second ADO shop next to the first. This one deals with SGs, or 'sports girls': this is the BURU to the first store's SERA. Guys who spent P.E. class lusting after girls in Tiny Shorts that they could never talk to, and then could never get on with their life after that, will come here. You can buy not just bloomers, but gymnastic unitards, and other sports-women's accessories. This stuff is also all new, not the stinky sweaty kind. Well, maybe a little. But the main thing that makes SG (sports girls) ADO so totally awesome is this : VOLLEYBALL. Apparently there is a HUGE volleyball fetish here. I guess because volleyball is one of the few sports where adult women are still required to wear the Tiny Shorts when they play. Consequently, lots of guys come to womens' volleyball games (mostly on the college level) and take close-up pictures of the women's legs and bloomers. It's a weird kind of porn (aside from being about volleyball). . .. there is no nudity, and the women aren't porno stars. They're athletes that probably have no idea they are being turned into sex icons. Again I asked the guy, who the hell buys new bloomers? Drag queens? He said, "no, that's different!" He seemed to think it was a little perverted.
S-G ADO shopping list:
VOLLEYBALL PHOTOS: Pack of 10, $10
VOLLEYBALL GAME VIDEOTAPE:
$40. this is SO awesome. at first i thought it was a porno shot in the 'women's
locker room' of a volleyball game. no. then i was like, ok, so it must be
the famous 'naked volleyball' game. no again. it's a REAL VOLLEYBALL GAME
like you'd see on tv, with no nudity at all. except the videocamera is just
all focused on the player's butts the whole time. what the hell people??
NEW BLOOMERS: $20
Anyway, I hope this saves Christmas for everyone out there in internet-land. Me, all I want is an aspirin.
.
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