After that , I don't even have time to go home and rest. . . I just cram some steak- that's right, I eat steak now, blood. - and head off to the catfight.
the Manager of a local catfight shop takes me to this little ritzy bar, where they've constructed a little wrestling ring. We're sitting around waiting for the fight to start. i'm making homey really jealous talking about the all schoolgirl moshpits pits at the Visual Kei shows, and getting kicked in the face.
There's only about 50 people in the audience. Maybe 5 females. The guys range from boisterous rapper types to middle aged otaku, and the MCs are a mullet head, a guy in an afro wig, some big ole trannie in a Divine costume, and some semi-retired lady wrestler who still jumps in the ring occasionally to mess with the other wrestlers.
Tonight's catfight was put on by N.C.L. : the Nipponese Catfight League. N.C.L. is not really sexy. And it wasn't really violent either. AND most of the performers didn't really know how to wrestle well. So what was the overall mood, if not bloodlust or horniness? The closest thing I can think of. . . is . . . it was like attending a live taping of the Benny Hill Show.
I should also mention that the N.C.L. has its own theme music playing on the PA. . . . and it sounds JUST like CHARIOTS OF FIRE. This totally dignified, spiritually uplifting, pompous, 'triumph of the human spirit' type music. . . at a catfight. I completely lose it when I hear this.
I mean, CHARIOTS OF FIRE.
The other weird thing was that most of the women seemed to be a) my age, and b) aspiring actresses or aspiring REAL wrestlers, or both. in America, sex workers would go out of their way to hide their true identity out of fear or shame . But in Japan, they're all like "hey, I'm a real person . . . I'm a struggling actress / artist / voice over actor / whatever, please come to my concert / theatre / buy my shirt / see my movie ."
There were 5 fights.
Fight one was 3 women, where 2 of them would gang up on the 3d and then switch sides every 5 seconds. It was more like a slumber party pillow fight than anything else.
Fight two was kind of unexpected for such a cheesy event: some tiny lady comes out and fights a big girl who wears a 'strawberry shortcake' outfit. She rips off Shortcake's dress, and then they call it a tie. . .and THEN everyone gives her flowers because she's retiring from the ring. . .and she starts crying. Like, for real-straight up bawling. And there's this nonstalgic music playing, and it's the kind of mood where they SHOULD have been playing a montage, if you know what I mean. I was like, huh?? This lady spends years getting ogled by perverts and now she's all misty-eyed about it? Am I missing something?
Fight three was pretty amazing: a HUGE valkyrie of a woman, with her tiny, nerdy-boy partner, fighting a INTER GENDER TAG TEAM MATCH against a tiny, nerdy girl and her HUGE guy partner. His stage name was 'the American.' It was awesome!! Big girl is walloping the hell out of little girl, so little girl tags in THE AMERICAN. He just stands there while big girl hits him with everything she's got. He doesn't even move when she kicks him in the nads. So then she just says, 'the hell with THIS', and tags in Little Nerdy Guy instead. It was a total bloodbath.
Fight four: ANOTHER American fight. This time between Japanese and 'American' women. The 'american woman' is so Japanese , she doesn't speak a WORD of English. So the announcers are asking her all these questions about America, and all she can do in response is grunt. "so what color are American nipples?" "grunt." She's fighting some former ju-jitsu champ named Cherry. Cherry has this amazing technique and sort of does crazy back-flipping breakdance moves to kill the American. At one point, the beleagured American is trying to pin Cherry and some guys in the audience start yelling , "U.S.A!! U.S.A!! U.S.A!!" and I just completely lose it.
we weren't allowed to take pictures , so i only have 2 that i managed to sneak..
this is the dreaded GANMEN KOUGEKI ('FACE ATTACK'). japanese s/m often features this also. . . some woman getting her cheeks smooshed or her nostrils pulled forcibly upwards (like here). i asked Mr. Manager why the Japanese find this erotic, and he said, "it's the suffering of a pretty woman who is being forced to look ugly." or something like that but more articulate. . . i was like, "oh. yeah. now that you mention it. . ."
Fight five was the most completely ruthless: it was basically a good looking but untalented woman getting COMPLETELY DEVASTATED by a homely woman who had talent. Janaene Garafalo would have loved it. It was kind of an oddly feminist statement for what's essentially female mud wrestling sans mud. I mean, Pretty Girl just got WOOPED- it was completely, I mean, jesus.
Then we all left.
.
.
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