THE BOGOSITY OF THE PROFESSIONAL WIPER
The HELL I just recorded a whole album in 3 weeks.
That's more music than I've made in the last 3 years combined!
Anyway it's up at bandcamp.
Please let me know what you think!
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the new worst band
I been doing dumb photoshops since before tumblr.
will continue doing them after it is gone.
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Exactly how much more is my Wendys going to cost if farmworkers have rights?
Exactly how many more cents is my t-shirt going to cost if Bangladeshi girls are not being murdered?
And if millions of workers each had a little more pay to spend, what would they spend it on, and how much would THOSE industries grow? How much would that stimulate our economy? How much more stuff could WE sell to American farmworkers or Bangladesh?
If economics were not a thoroughly corrupted discipline, there would be a hundred people working on this already. Instead there is 100 people working on how to make derivatives “better”. Another example of how a discipline can be totally corrupt without actually churning out straight-up false research.
Related:
millions of articles about student debt and the rising cost of college, but not even one (far as I know) attempt to actually look at the budget of a university, compare it to that same university’s budget in the 60s when it was affordable, and see exactly what things are growing faster than inflation.
I mean they all have that information archived. And it's not somebody's opinion. it's cut-and-dried facts.
I get that the regents would want to keep that data secret , but nobody on ANY SIDE of this debate even seems to think that that kind of study is important, whereas I think it’s impossible to have any kind of debate without doing that first.
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the banality of Orwellian government: a satire in two acts
Now the FBI is in the headlines trying to get the authority to warrantless wiretap citizens. And the DOJ is bugging the AP. The most SMFH thing about this is not that the government is spying on innocent citizens – we all knew that. The SMFH thing is that even this Brave New Cyber 1984 world is chock- full of banal Dilbert office politics and petty infighting between agencies. Like, it’s not too oppressively Orwellian, it’s oppressively too FAMILIAR.
SCENE: WHITE HOUSE SITUATION ROOM
FBI CHIEF: What? The NSA is monitoring everyone’s phone and email and texts? That’s fucked up Mr. President! That is a grave injustice, Mr. President! Howcum they get to but we don’t? No fair! The NSA are just total dicks!
NSA CHIEF: but the painstaking legal acrobatics of YOUR “laughably illegal presidential authorization memo which no one is allowed to see” authorize slightly different categories of targets than the panstaking legal acrobatics of OUR “laughably illegal presidential authorization memo which no one is allowed to see”, so it would be just TERRIBLE GOVERNMENT OVER-REACH if we let you copy any of our wiretaps.
FBI CHIEF: You see, Mr. President? You see how he is? Some al Queda guy in a cave knows what “CONTROL+V” means but this guy doesn’t????
*DHS CHIEF ENTERS* But Daaaaddd!!! If the FBI gets to construct a totally redundant and expensive system to monitor the 90-percent-of-the-same emails that the NSA is monitoring, then we have to get our OWN redundant and expensive system! Google said it would be ok, and also FBI are just pricks!
NSA CHIEF: You get to do extraordinary renditions and you don’t share, and now you want to copy our thing??? Penis breath!
FBI: Anyway we thought of it first!
DHS: Liar! Butt munch!
OBAMA: Everyone shut the fuck up! Jesus, you kids! OK, you can all have your own expensive, totally redundant, incompatable, and overlapping systems to violate everyone’s civil rights. BUT, you have to subcontract the construction to a bunch of private sector scam-artists, fuckups, and cronies who will jack up the price, while storing all the people’s private data in a shoebox in the middle of the street where any 14 year old Chinese kid can hack it.
FBI: You are firm but fair, sir.
RELATED: what gets me isn’t the Orwellian descent, but the utterly childish, Asperger’s, Calvin-ball nature of the justifications:
Well, OK, the “torture” and “worldwide secret prisons” and the “read-everyone-ever’s-emails” policy and the “assassinate our own citizens based on secret evidence” dealies weren’t voted on by Congress, or, you know, even made public at all, but it’s so totally allowed because the President paid a lawyer to come in and type up the memos with lots of “whereas”es and “aforementioned”es and “party of the first part”s. Then we paid a second lawyer to click his heels three times and sprinkle the memos with Constitution Dust while reciting the powerful spell "OHWA TADI KAYAMM". Did you ever see the part in the Godfather where Brando writes a memo assassinating his enemies? No? That’s because CROOKS DON’T DO THAT. Geez.
And the totally legal-because-of-jargon memos are immediately rushed to a safe in the Pentagon basement which no one is allowed to open. And the secret safe is also situated in the Time-Out Zone on the other side of Cootie City, so it's super super against the rules to even mess with it. But . . . . we printed them on real paper. If we just copied them on a flash drive which we gave to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that would be tyranny. Duh. And of course you Glenn Greenwald types would have a point if we just printed out ONE copy. But we printed out MULTIPLE COPIES, and put all the copies in the same safe. This isn’t fucking Syria. Plus the multiple copies are on Magic Human-Rights Paper, we’re bringing in a wizard on Tuesday to laminate them. Just to be on the safe side. We're not taking any of these steps lightly.
But you wingnuts still aren’t satisfied? I suppose you want us to stop fluoridating the water too? You think Hologram Tupac killed JFK with time-travel bullets?
*SIGH*
Fine, we’ll let the leaders of the Congressional counterterrorism committee read the assassination memo, but only if they don’t bring pencils, make notes, or consult their own lawyers about the constitutionality of what they read. Also they can’t read odd-numbered pages, and they have to touch the countertop three times everytime they read a verb. We are a nation of rules and laws here.
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New Rap Song About NRA
Wayne LaPierre, he ain’t playing fair
High heels, bustier, lingere derriere
His style is suspicious, these violent hypocrites is
Switching up, playing both sides of the fences
“Gun control is bad, crooks will always get guns”
They should know, because they’re the ones who’s selling to thugs!
Sell a nine to you, Sell a mac to your spouse
A bazooka to the dude who’s a-breaking into your house.
You can get my meaning The NRA’s biting
the hand that’s feeding
They’re laughing at you, after you leave the meeting
they’re calling you a sucker
Saying, if our rank-and-file only knew the real number
Of guns we’ve put in the hands of crooks,
Because of loopholes we put on the books,
All paid for with our members’ dough
Which we take to DC buying hookers and blow
For a scandalous representative from Kansas
Givin’ protection to gunrunners and bandits
And I don’t need heat
to jack for beats
Just a sonar crack and some mp3s
Got these firearms causing higher harm
Than ten nine elevens every year
That’s thirty al quaeda bombs
and it’s not terror
it’s wayne la Pierre
keeping the spotlight off of the real players
like Hi-Point, Bryco, And smith and Wesson,
so kids that’s investin’ get returns on their shares.
And You’ll never hear, all about rea-ALL-co,
100 crimes a year, 100 deadly salvos
All from one store, and thanks to ALEC
The ATF can’t make it public.
So exercise your rights Cap a caribou twice,
hit the range every night But don’t be a chump,
have a lil self respect now They shitting down your neck,
you got a mighty smear you’re looking silly troop
get some tide out and some cheer So While you wash your ghillie suit,
just Sing the chorus in your boxers be obnoxious ‘billy dudes
Wayne LaPierre, he ain’t playing fair
High heels, bustier, lingere derriere
His style is suspicious, these violent hypocrites is
Switching up, playing both sides of the fences
We’re the only way to keep your rights (BULLSHIT!)
It’s communist to compromise (BULLSHIT!)
We give a fuck who lives and dies (BULLSHIT!)
We’re on the law abiding side (BULLSHIT!)
We got a Ouija board direct to John Wayne (BULLSHIT!)
He says freedom and murder is the same (BULLSHIT!)
We only want to keep you safe (BULLSHIT!)
Every single solitary syllable we say is (BULLSHIT!)
And the maker makes em cheap – he says thank you wayne
Knowing the customers are creeps – he says thank you wayne
I buy 20 at a time – I say thank you wayne
When I cross a state line with ‘em - thank you wayne
And sell them to a felon or a nihilist – I say thank you wayne
With no background check because it’s private - I say thank you wayne
If I can sell ‘em to a terrorist - he says thank you wayne
Even selling on the net - we say thank you wayne
And even though it’s evil yeah, every step’s still legal fair
Right up ‘til your daughter gets put into a wheelchair
thank you wayne , YOU say thank you wayne, YOU say thank you wayne.
Wayne LaPierre, he ain’t playing fair
High heels, bustier, lingere derriere
His style is suspicious, these violent hypocrites is
Switching up, playing both sides of the fences
But just who is benefittin’
From all of these decisions?
Is it all for the amendment?
Or did the inspiration
Come from the corporations?
With some fishy vested interests
The heads of which are sittin’
On the board you ain’t elected?
I could do 100 bars about the censorship
With a hundred examples loaded in my extended clip
Who’s the
most crooked gun dealers – you ain’t allowed to know that
Common causes of gun deaths – government can’t show that
Which brands crooks buy most - you can’t be told that
If the truth is on your side, why they hold back
those facts? Cus They don’t trust you
to make up your own mind.
NRA is on whose side?
Is it? the guys who buy the stocks ,to sell the glocks?
And the special hollow points for killing cops
Is it? the patriots whose whole business model
Is sellin to El Narco? They hit the pinche lotto
Is it? the gun stores who somehow wind up winning
Every time half their inventory goes missing?
Is it? the undertakers, Is it? the wreath makers
Is it? the Bushmasters sitting on the board of directors?
You’re in the last sector, treated like a heckler
Yet you’re begging them to save you
from the danger they created
And you do as you’re plainly told
Because your brain’s controlled
Who got you in a fuckin’ stranglehold.
Wayne LaPierre, he ain’t playing fair
High heels, bustier, lingere derriere
His style is suspicious, these violent hypocrites is
Switching it up, playing both sides of the fences
You supporting us
But we supporting thugs
So they can get more guns
And now you’re scared as fuck, so . . . .
DIBS
DIBS – disinformation beurau of scandal.
The so-called “war on whistleblowers” is only the visible prong of a 2-prong strategy. The administration knows that no matter how hard it tries some stuff will eventually leak. To “prepare the battlefield” for future leaks, the DIBS was created: a super-secret beuaru whose only mandate is to think up fake scandals that are WORSE than whatever might possibly be revealed. The benefits are that, when stuff leaks in the future, 1) people won’t even believe it because of prolonged exposure to DIBS’ constant wolf-cries, or else 2) they will believe it but by that point it will seem tame in comparison, so they won’t be outraged.
The real challenges are, of course 1) to think of scandals which are that bad. And 2) to persuade the media (who are being, as you will recall, harshly intimidated into IGNORING leaks by the first prong above) to run the stories. That’s where the internet comes in!
But then you run into the inevitable inter-agency conflicts with DHS, NSA, FBI, and other agencies whose job it is to monitor the internet: the DIBS is so secret, they can’t openly tell the other agencies “Hey, it’s OK, don’t mess with the owner of that site, that’s one of OUR stories.” Since you can’t openly tell that to DHS, NSA, FBI, etc. it becomes important to create a new sub-agency within DIBS whose job is creating fake cover stories for the fake articles, to fool the other agencies. And naturally that sub-agency’s budget grows exponentially with mission creep, threatening to take over the whole organization, and leading to resentment within the staff.
So anyway, from now on when you see some absolutely awful story in the media, you can knowinly smile and say to yourself, “OK, the world is not going to hell, it’s just DIBS doing their thing.”
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