Tokyo Damage Report

For over a year, my pal Dan and I would play this game: we’d take turns thinking of the most bizarre story titles and force the other guy to write a short story about that title. These stories would generally [...]

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We generally think of insane people as having irrational thoughts: thoughts that don’t correspond with what most people think is true. ‘there are vampires in my underpants,’ ‘charlton heston is out to get me,’ ‘I am fifteen rhinoceri,’ etc. But has it occurred to you that people can become insane from thinking too rationally?

For example, [...]

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It seems that in all areas of life ‘like attracts like.’ In the business world they have a saying ‘it takes money to make money.’ If you have a million dollars, you can invest in the stock market and make $30,000 a year just by sitting on your ass. If you’re popular, you can make [...]

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it’s amazing the shit girls do that they THINK is sexy but really it makes them look lonely and desperate. Guys will never tell y’all what fools y’all make of yourselves because guys just want to get laid. but i really don’t give a shit about getting laid so i’m free to laugh in that [...]

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I can see how bitterness can be a negative, or sad, feeling for the bitter person. But I don’t see why that makes OTHER people feel negative about the bitter person!!
We’re all born ignorant. And we’re all born selfish. But NO ONE is born bitter. You only get bitter because people have messed with you [...]

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I am posting this, my acceptance speech for the Papacy of the Roman Catholic Church, on the Internet, the day before my official inauguration. I take this unprecedented step because of the distinct possibility I might be assassinated prior to finishing the speech. While any intelligent person might think this document a hoax, if I [...]

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