Tokyo Damage Report

Archive for February, 2000

ten-minute stories!

For over a year, my pal Dan and I would play this game: we’d take turns thinking of the most bizarre story titles and force the other guy to write a short story about that title. These stories would generally take less than ten minutes to write, hence the heading.     MEANWHILE, IN THE […]

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WEIRD HOW CERTAIN TOTALLY RATIONAL THOUGHTS CAN DRIVE YOU INSANE.

We generally think of insane people as having irrational thoughts: thoughts that don’t correspond with what most people think is true. ‘there are vampires in my underpants,’ ‘charlton heston is out to get me,’ ‘I am fifteen rhinoceri,’ etc. But has it occurred to you that people can become insane from thinking too rationally? For […]

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TYRANNY OF ‘LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE’

It seems that in all areas of life ‘like attracts like.’ In the business world they have a saying ‘it takes money to make money.’ If you have a million dollars, you can invest in the stock market and make $30,000 a year just by sitting on your ass. If you’re popular, you can make […]

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‘SEXY’ IS NOT

  it’s amazing the shit girls do that they THINK is sexy but really it makes them look lonely and desperate. Guys will never tell y’all what fools y’all make of yourselves because guys just want to get laid. but i really don’t give a shit about getting laid so i’m free to laugh in […]

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In defense of bitterness!

I can see how bitterness can be a negative, or sad, feeling for the bitter person. But I don’t see why that makes OTHER people feel negative about the bitter person!! We’re all born ignorant. And we’re all born selfish. But NO ONE is born bitter. You only get bitter because people have messed with […]

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TEXT OF POPE SCHULTZ I ACCEPTANCE SPEECH:

I am posting this, my acceptance speech for the Papacy of the Roman Catholic Church, on the Internet, the day before my official inauguration. I take this unprecedented step because of the distinct possibility I might be assassinated prior to finishing the speech. While any intelligent person might think this document a hoax, if I […]

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LETTER TO MURDER DOG

(Murder Dog is a very underground rap magazine from Vallejo.) So you’re from a bad neighborhood and you need to make that money by any means necessary. OK fine, but in 2000, talking about being hard and making money is a sure guarantee that you won’t make money! I’m sick of hearing rappers saying "They […]

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PRISON-MY LIST- INSANITY DEFENSE

This is what goes on in the mind of an insane person: I wonder if certain people know that the only thing that stands between them and a violent sudden demise is the looming specter of prison rape. Don’t pray to God and thank Him for your long life, pray to a variety of anonymous […]

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BEAUTY RANT

I don’t think beauty is skin deep. I think it affects the person’s whole outlook on life. Pretty people have more friends wanting to hang around them, so they develop more social skills from constantly socializing. The social skills, plus the self-confidence that comes from a lifetime of compliments, makes it even easier for them […]

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PUNK PLANET RANT

  What’s up with magazines like Punk Planet? I think it’s fair to say no one would have ever heard of punk rock if it weren’t for old-timey punkers acting like this : Nihilist Self-destructive Irresponsible and short-sighted Drug-addicted Outrageous and shocking Obnoxious Hateful Ugly Sarcastic and contemptuous Me-against-the-world Alienated Misanthropic Let’s see how PP’s […]

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justification for a web page

  Until recently, I never really cared if anyone saw my art, music, or writing. This is because I had read Evolutionary Psychology books like The Moral Animal and The Selfish Gene, and agreed that 99% of human achievement isn’t accomplished through free will; it’s all done to follow a genetic mandate to compete for […]

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THAT ANNOYINGLY HIDDEN INTERFEMALE COMPETITION

  Here’s something else that’s been bugging the fuck out of me: you never hear anything about competition between women. Every slick, pop-culture, parade-of-Hollywood-cleavage, Cosmo-type mag has to do with ‘getting a man’ or ‘looking your best’ but totally downplays the fact that their readers are competing with each other for the best look or […]

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