Tokyo Damage Report

ALTERNATE WORLDS


 

Imagine everyone who ever rejected you, or went out with you but only so they could play you and laugh about it, and everyone who you never could even talk to because you were so paralyzed with fear….now consider that every one of those people has gotten played THEMSELVES: dumped, rejected, betrayed, been stripped of every shred of dignity. Sure, you know it in your head, but it doesn’t help, does it? You have to SEE them getting rejected in order to feel better about things. Therefore, I think everyone should be under constant 24-hour-a-day video surveillance.

Here’s how it would work on Planet Despot: if someone asks you out and you turn them down, and embarrass the fuck out of them, they get to see a videotape of you getting rejected, and making an ass out of yourself. It wouldn’t matter if you tried to weasel out of it by, say, changing the subject, or saying ‘Gee, I dunno’ over and over, or even by showing up at the cafe 4 hours late with a fake moustache and hiding behind a newspaper.. Cus that would be on video too. Your weaseling-out would be played in front of the judge (of course there’s a judge) , who would go, "Hey, looks like there was no date! Roll the clip!" Personally, I wouldn’t even regret all the times I’ve been turned down if I would of been able to see an equally pathetic vignette of my crush getting just trampled. And not just trampled, but totally losing her shit and being unable to let go of the guy that’s totally blowing her off, and begging him to come back, knowing that he’ll just treat her shitty again. On the one hand, that guy might be the total reason she turned me down, because he messed her up, but on the other hand, he’s my hero.

I think this system would make people in general more well adjusted: cus you wouldn’t be able to delude yourself that the object of your affections was godlike, or that your suffering was unique and unparalleled in the history of humankind. It would go a long way towards breaking the spell of your crush, to see them groveling in front of some fat, balding death rock guy in front of a subway terminal, in 1989. You’d laugh your ass off and get over the crush. And knowing that there’s this built in ‘get even factor’ you’d be less scared of asking people out in the future, so you’d get more experience and skills asking people out and thus be more confident and acceptable to them. Plus more people would say ‘yes’ cus they’d be scared of what you’d see on the video. Also, the looming specter of video groveling might remind them of all the times they were in your shoes, and they got their hopes and dreams torn to shreds, and might even eventually come to see things from your point of view, and be compassionate to you. Everyone would emerge better adjusted. Although there would still be antisocial creeps that would abuse the loopholes in the system, by, for instance, asking out people they didn’t like at all, with every intention of getting turned down, just to see the videos of those people and guffaw. Of course, I would be one of those people.

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