Tokyo Damage Report


Forgot the beginning. Somehow I ended up in a big ole’ symphony hall, and my folks have hooked me up with some Asian orchestra member. Not sure what she played, but we were sitting on a balcony rail of polished wood and talking, and our upper arms touched and the point of contact was really hot. She had long hair and was kind of chubby. This was just before the concert was to start, and all the hoity-toity folks were moseying around chatting. Then all of a sudden she reaches down and taps on the railing , producing this hell of quick honky-tonk piano riff. which was weird cus 1) that wasn’t a piano, 2) she didn’t even play piano in the orchestra and 3) honky-tonk is such a low-class art form to be played in this ritzy place. Anyway, the honky-tonk melody was apparently a signal to a roving waiter to bring us a silver tray full of berries, which my ‘date’ then arranged into a foot-high sculpture by puncturing the berries with the stems of the other berries to hold it together.


Then she does this amazing monolog explaining the structure of the sculpture. Every berry was the center of the face of some character from the film A BUG’S LIFE! And if you tilted it just slightly, another character’s face would ‘slip into focus’. Not only that, but the berries making the rest of that character’s face illustrated that character’s personality metaphorically by the size and placement of the berries. The very last character she showed me, for example, she said, "Here’s a black woman. You can tell she’s black cus she has a big berry for a nose, and she’s got big cheeks cus she’s happy that she’s finally free." Which, again, was odd cus there were no black characters in that movie, and big noses aren’t a stereotype of black people, and also big cheeks don’t connote happiness.

So then my folks pass us in the aisle, going to their seats and I’m so embarrassed at them having to ‘set me up’ on a date with a girl, that I don’t even look at them, as they make small talk with my date. Then she leaves to go into the orchestra pit, and I join my folks in the audience. They say, "Oh, we’re just about to leave. We want to hear this from the basement; it’ll sound better. Care to join us?" And I say "That’s too bad. I was really looking forward to watching you watch the performers, and see who you were looking at during every note."


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