Tokyo Damage Report

THE NEW DATING SYSTEM . . .

what if it was simply forbidden to stand someone up on a date? If it was forbidden to ignore them or say ‘not right now’ when you were asked out? what if, in short, the ONLY way to reject someone was to either confess to, or demonstrate, behaviors and habits so foul that it would repulse the suitor?

DUDE– will you go to dinner with me?
MODEL–hey great, guys with potbellys and raver pants really turn me on. (picks nose.) damn, that booger is really stuck in here. . .
DUDE–what about a movie?
MODEL– (eats booger). still want to?
DUDE– uh, sure.
MODEL– takes off blouse, revealing ‘lenny kravitz’ t shirt.
DUDE– aauhh. . . . (agonizing). . . must… ask…girl…out….
MODEL– ok, let’s go on a date,… TO MY FATHER’S FUNDAMENTALIST REVIVAL CHURCH. we can haldle some snakes and tithe the night away. oh God, i can hardly wait!
DUDE– ai-ya!! i am vanquished. . . for now!!

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