Tokyo Damage Report

EXOTIC STOCK EXCHANGE


 

While I agree that the international stock market in its present form is perpetuates lameness and inequity on a huge scale, I also think it’s the perfect model for solving another kind of international inequity. If we could just buy and sell stocks in exoticness instead of money, the world would be a much better place. Unlike money, where the poor want to be rich, and the rich want to be rich too, people with too much exotic-ness want to get rid of that shit pronto, while the un-exotic want to assume this ‘burden’ just as fervently. In fact, many of the people complaining about being ‘exoticized’ might have second thoughts if they woke up one day being some guy named Chester from Nebraska whose phone never rang. I’m not saying they’d run out and apologize to the sleazy assholes who used to hit on them, I’m just saying, maybe they’d have a different feel for it. But that’s all water under the bridge.

Here’s how the system would work: First, get everyone on the planet to register an ethnic group, or mixture of groups. Then, every person in every group would get, say, 10 units of exoticness, (UE for short) in the ‘stock’ of that ethnic group. You know, STOCKMARKET-type stock. By allowing internet trading among all citizens, the free market would take over and the law of supply and demand would automatically suck UE’s from the most highly exotic countries to the least exotic: A Japanese girl sick of being fetishized would trade some of her UE’s with a less exotic Canadian guy. So she’d get some peace and quiet, while the Canadian guy would find himself besieged with offers to sell his underwear to vending machine companies.

After the Canadian figured out being exotic isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, he can go online and sell his shares of Japanese UE’s to whoever wants to buy them… perhaps to a girl from Brussels who is chafing at the fact that Belgian girls have no stereotypes to call their own and wants to import some potent Japanese stereotypes. Or, alternatively, maybe the Canadian guy really likes being a fetish object but finds that his exoticness is going down, because the Japanese UE has plummetted in the world UE market due to rampant speculation and fraud, and as a result, Japanese girls are now seen as being more homely than 300 pound Polish women. So the Canadian guy can trade his shares with some Russian woman (who, because with the fall of the Iron Curtain, the growth industry of ex-whore Soviet mail-order brides has sent the Russian UE skyrocketing to huge levels and this particular Russian woman finds herself being suddenly too exotic for comfort), so she’ll get the devalued Japanese UEs, and the Canadian can still be exotic!.

The point is, the Canadian has the option of becoming more or less exotic at any point, because he’s in contact with people from all over the planet. With a global, instantaneous, electronic exoticness trading system, eventually everyone will have the ability to experience both sides of the coin: being a fetish object and a terminally dull person, and then after everyone experiments and finds the level of attention they require, a sort of equilibrium will set in. This plan has something for everyone: liberals will like the global equality of it, conservatives will like the free market aspect, and the fact that all ethnic groups must be registered, and horny people of all nations will like being able to be in demand. Sign up today!!

AFTERWORD:
If you want to get an advance look at the future of on-line exoticness trading, hop on any search engine and input various ethnic groups or nationalities, and count the number of porn sites in the first 100 matches. This will yield an objective, supply-and-demand, free market Exotic Unit Index (EUI). By comparing the EUI’s of two different nationalities you can not only see who is the most exotic, but measure exactly how much more, and how this ratio changes over time. In fact, this system provides such a precise guide that eventually someone will start buying and selling EU futures based on their speculation of how well a given group’s EUI will do in the months to come.

 

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