HERE’S WHY WOMEN SHOULD NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BE ALLOWED IN NIGHTCLUBS, STARTING RIGHT. . . . . NOW
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What's up with women that spend like 2 hours doing their hair, another 2 hours deciding on exactly which pair of identical polyester ass-pants to wear. . . .and then when they finally get to the club they spend the whole night dancing with their female pals and ignoring the guys?
Not content with just ignoring the guys, they form a Lonely Girl Circle and face inwards so they can actively repel the guys. An arieal view of the dance floor of the average club would show several of these Lonely Girl Circles sprouting up like fungi. Now, come on!! You can PRETEND you're too good for the guys, but if the guys stopped showing up at that club, we all KNOW you wouldn't go to the club anymore, you'd drop it like a hot potato and find another club with more guys! So why be all coy about it?
Women aren't just coy and dishonest about guys, women are just as dishonest about girls too. Take your $300 Gucci handbag for instance. Who the hell takes a handbag to a club? You can't dance with a handbag, that only leaves you with one free hand! Why pay $300 when you could get one for $3 down at Thrift Town? It's not like some hot guy is going to go, "Hey, did you see the handbag on that broad?" ask any woman why she's got a pedicure or a Prada bag or some shit and she'll say, 'because I like to look good.' oh BULLSHIT. You're paying the money to show up the other women. Women are the only ones who will notice the handbag, the pedicure, the extra-curly eyelashes. Women are the only ones who will be jealous of you but you don't admit it. you say, "Oh, I just like to dress up." Or "Oh, I'm just trying to look like a whore." Or some other excuse. But face it-if YOU WERE THE ONLY WOMAN left in the city. .. just you and all these guys. . . you wouldn't spend fuckin' $400 on a fuckin' purse! You'd go around in sweatpants. Tell the truth, motherfucker.
But back to the regular girls with the hairstylists and designer size 1 clothes. .. The only reason you have such insanely high standards for yourself is that you are trying to lure a man to you without so much as talking to him. Not only that, you have to lure a man SO MUCH that he'll talk to you in SPITE of your "Go away, I don't need you" body language. Well, that's setting quite a challenge for yourself, isn't it? (can you say 'self-sabotage?') THAT'S why you to have painful workouts, expensive wardrobes you can't even afford, unhealthy diets, and ugly painful shoes. . . you're trying to make a guy cross the room and risk getting dissed, and he doesn't even know if you're a bitch or not! And even after you spend the money and go on the diet and squeeze into the ass-pants, you STILL can't pull a man because every other damn girl in the joint is doing the exact same thing as you!
Wouldn't it be easier to just. . . FUCKING GO UP AND TALK TO HIM??? You could stop the workouts, save money on clothes, wear stuff that's comfortable, AND eat that ice cream. . . .finally! maybe you're thinking , 'well the downside to that is, the guys could reject ME.' well, BULLSHIT. Learn some male psychology, would you? Guys always have to make the first move and usually get toyed with or shot down. Trust me. . . guys are GRATEFUL for girls to finally take the initiative. If you're the only girl in the joint to take my advice, you'll almost never get rejected! You could be wearing a burlap sack and Wonder-bread bags on your feet and still pull more guys than the stuck-up hoochie with the $400 purse across the room!
Bonus: if you stop being so concerned with your appearance, maybe you'll lighten up about the guys' appearances as well. I can hope, can't I?
OK, maybe you'll still get rejected. . . IF you're hitting on the 7 foot tall, blue-eyed bodybuilder guy with model cheekbones. But that's your own fault for being dull and having the same idea of 'hunky' that everyone else has.
So maybe you're talking to some guys, and it's dull. well-news flash-that's YOUR FAULT, lady. So many girls think "Oh, I'm the lady, it's my responsibility to make the conversation flow smoothly and without conflict, even if I can't stand the guy. I'll hate him, and at the same time I secretly think I should be awarded a fuckin' MEDAL for pretending how entertained I am for his inane banter." Well, BULLSHIT AGAIN!!!! what kind of fake-ass nonsense is that? it wastes BOTH of your time. if a guy is dull, get ruder and ruder until the conversation finally gets interesting! It's your life, so take responsibility. If he's not entertaining you, entertain yourself. Eventually he'll get horrified and leave. There: problem solved.
Same thing with women who complain about guys hitting on them, "Ew, it was so gross, he was so nasty, oh how awful it is to be beautiful and hit on all the time…" FUCK OFF!! GET OUT OF HERE with that crap. Sure, sexual harassment – ass grabbing or whistling-is unexcusable. but I'm supposed to feel sorry for you because some guys think you're beautiful and desirable? LAME. Think about all the times that YOU had a crush on some guy and when he came around, you had to be on your best behavior-no farting, no nose picking, no saying anything dumb. . . . all the time you're totally monitoring yourself to make sure you look perfect. No fun, eh? well, if some lame guys are hitting on you, you can FINALLY let loose and 'be yourself.' Burp. Fart. Talk about burping. Say any dumb thing that comes into your head. see? Now THAT'S fun. like they say, if life gives you a lemon, make lemonade. Scare the guys off and have fun in the process. It also saves you the headache of rejecting them.
You might say, "Burp? Fart? Well, that's not ladylike." BULLSHIT AGAIN. everyone has a damn mouth and asshole. Everyone burps and farts and picks their nose. Public displays of farting are one of those things – like being President-that our sexist society has reserved for men. but it's 2003! Take back the farts!!
Anyway, I'm sick of dealing with teasin-ass girls in clubs – I'm going to the gay bar and tease some dudes.3 comments