Archive for February, 2000
WHAT SHE SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM. . .
So I’d really like to kiss you, but… uh… Jelly told me that you’ve never kissed a girl before. I know, it’s none of my business. But if i just minded my own business like a good girl, I’d wind up destroying you utterly. . . because you’re going to take this relationship 100 times [...]
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SOME ROMANCE
(At a Mini-mart near the University of Cal Berkeley)
lady: One NutraBar please.
Guy: A NutraBar? Come on, that’s no meal. That’s not even healthy. Let me buy you a real dinner.
Sorry, but I’ve got to study.
That’s even better! I just ate, so I’m not hungry. While you eat, I can quiz you from flash cards. If [...]
REJECTION RANT
It all comes down to responsibility. If I like you, I can’t just mope in a corner, feeling sorry for myself, and hoping you will come up and start talking. . . I have a responsibility to ask you out. if I’m rejected, I have a responsibility to be a god damn gentleman about it. [...]
No commentsCONFESSION
Sometimes when I’m driving by myself, I’ll be feeling down because I’m single. On these occasions, sometimes I’ll stop at a red light and check the rearview mirror to pass the time. Sometimes these cursory rear-mirror checks reveal a straight couple in the car behind me.
Being a romantic person, I start yelling at the top [...]
FIRST TIMES AND THE LADDER OF ROMANCE:
Here’s a little romance hint that applies equally to prudes and playas: when you’re with a partner, the ‘first times’ should be more important. Whether it’s the first time you tenderly hold hands or the first time you shove a live eel up someone’s snatch, first times should be treated with much more reverence and [...]
EVERY WOMAN I KNOW, SUMMED UP IN FOUR EASY PIECES:
PART ONE:
Lady: oh, I’m so ugly, I’m so ugly, I’d better lose 10 pounds. I’ll never meet my dream guy like this. I need a nose job, once I get a nose job and lose 10 pounds everything will be perfect, but god I’m so ugly
Guy: hi, you’re pretty. Want to see a movie?
Lady: shut [...]