Tokyo Damage Report

2002 Japan trip page 4

Tuesday 30
nakamura-san, recover

Yuko helps me move to cheaper hotel in Koenji. it’s only 5500 yen a night, about half what I was paying before. but it’s run by these two 70 year old women, nakamura-san and kim-san, who don’t speak any English. nakamura-san is amazing. gold tooth, shades indoors, nylons around her ankles. I can picture her just wading into a mob of yakuza and just beating them up.


GO TO this huge-ass cemetery in Ueno. Yataka cemetery is totally rad!! I’m there for over 3 hours, writing memories of Yuko, feeling the pleasantly warm wind, watching the sunset through the trees, watching all the crows and the cats. I love the Cemetery Cats of Yataka. There’s something H.P. Lovecraft-y about them, HPL always used cats to symbolize both death and cuteness.

Back at the hotel, I’m changing into my bathrobe, wearing nothing but underwear and nakamura-san just walks in . . . rad!! she says, shower!! ok, yes ma’am. !!! totally out of control gangster style.

by the way, the bathroom is only 3 feet by 4 feet in size but it comes with its own pair of ‘bathroom slippers’ . . .

wed 31
rap show










my first Japanese rap show!! it’s retardedly expensive– 45 bucks. plus they make us wait in this crowded-ass stairwell for an hour with no ventilation, luckily I have a ‘low ticket number’ so I can just go to the head of the line. I get a front row seat next to some kid named maku. he’s a white kid, yo, but says he was living in Japan ‘since my parents decided to have sex and make me’. . . .ok, yo, one love, …. but then where did he get that preposterous new york Ebonics accent, yo? it takes another hour for the musicians to start. me and him have a little bilingual freestyle battle but he quits after I show him my steelo. too bad. anything beats waiting, even losing a battle.

the actual artists was apparently really famous. maku says tonight’s rappers are Japan’s version of wu tang. some guy called DELI from some crew called NITRO. I think I would have been happier seeing the REAL nitro. deli sucked. I mean, flat out sucked. not sucked in a funny, ha ha way. sucked in a very mediocre way. sunglasses indoors. barely moving, no sweat, just grabs his dick and sways from side to side like an autstic kid. it’s like he’s doing a very good impression of a really crappy USA rapper like JAY-Z. god, fuck him. I saw better rappers in Finland, ok? F-I-N-L-A-N-D ! ! ! ! plus, 45 bucks for a 90 minute concert?? and what’s up with them asking us to say ‘ho’ every song? I was like, ‘I already said ho!’ I said, ‘hey, as long as you’re copying, why not copy GOOD rappers?’

I must have been infected by the stupidity also, because I forgot to bring any of my band’s rap cds to the show. doh!!! it woulda been rad to huck one up on stage and show those fools how it’s done. oops. representation foul.










then I’m still standing around, and waiting to take snapshots of Japanese rap dudes, when these two amazingly drunk girls come up to me and start grabbing my hair and yelling I’m so cute. their names are satomi and natsuki. they’re with some guy who’s nice but not so drunk. they are pretty fun, but a little normal. how come every Japanese person thinks my hair is extensions?? natsuki says she likes me , then satomi says she loves me. I run and hide behind the guy, and he says that’s a good reaction. ho ho.

then the rap artists leave the building. no entourage or bodyguards. I walk up and say arigato gozimas. and they just don’t even slow down. this one guy just looks right through me. yeah, great. you’re really hard. now I’m pissed. Fake-ass finnish rappers can kiss my ass.

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