Tokyo Damage Report

GRIND: fid, squid, vacuum @ URGA

day 1 of the THREE DAY MARATHON: i’m supposed to move apartments, and totally furnish the new apartment, while going to shows every damn day.

there is something drastically wrong with my metabolism. Every night, no matter how exhausted I am, I get a HUGE surge of energy at midnight, and can’t go to sleep until well after 3 AM. I awake at 9 am, no problem. but then, as SOON as school starts (1 PM) I become utterly comatose and it’s painful to sit upright.

Anyway, today’s class was a spectacularly bad combination of (overwhelming fatigue) + (waayyyyy too much new stuff all at once). I just give up and leave early.

Go to this new live house, URGA. I walk all over shinjuku trying to find it, and wouldn’t you know. . . when I finally get there it’s right by my damn school!! But I’m here to see Makiko’s band, F.I.D. , which she describes as a ‘girls gore and brutal’ outfit. I get bored waiting for the show to start so I go to Don Quixote and – boom– there they are!! 3 grindcore girls shopping for onions and bok choy. . . totally BRUTAL bok choy , that is. I introduce myself and we go shopping together. in fact they’re not mean at all, they’re really nice. i don’t get killed even once. Then we run back to the live house and see some totally awful death metal. Here’s how wack it was: the BEST band of the night was some gangsta rap-metal band.


Homey gets his grimace on…

funny thing about this show: even though it’s deathmetal, fully half the audience is women. I ask my new pal Mamada if this is typical of Japanese death shows and he says hell no! but he can’t explain it.


boys on one side, girls on the other. result:? brutal metal:1 cooties:0

i think the opening band was called VACCUM


…. squid were this duo, guy with a mask on, making feedback with a microphone, and a lady blowing an incredibly distorted saxophone, BORBETOMAGUS-style. not that that’s a particularly PRACTICAL comparison , since maybe 3 people have ever heard of borbetomagus. but nonetheless it is an apt comparison. (Lisa Simpson voice): "AAAPTTT!!"

PROVIDENCE played too. no photos. sorry.


MANTICORE. the vocalist had so many Amazing Hair Moments. . . . i was totally obsessed with him…









BIGGEST BASS EVER!!! in your face, liebermann!!


F.I.D. was actually really good, with short songs, and Makiko stumbling around with her mouth hanging half-open and her bangs in her eyes looking really post-orgasmic. shrieking like a banshee then woofing like Cannibal Corpse. She’s totally obsessed with Slavic grindcore too! she’s trying to translate her lyrics into Hungarian or something.



Kyoko-san, vocals and drinking.


Noriko-san, bass

Kyoto-san, guitar and songwriting

Tomoko, drums


Her friends were awesome too: Yukimi was this 3 foot tall girl with pigtails and a stuffed frog, wearing mary janes and a camisole over her death metal tshirt, and she would just get really drunk and kick guys in the nuts. She REALLY liked my idea of a Morning Musume grindcore cover band called MORNING MUHON. (morning musume is a famous pre-teen pop band) (oh, and muhon is like ‘anarchy’ or ‘rebellion’)

After the show, some guy was begging her to kick him and pinch his nipples. I think it’s the same guy who bit MY nipple last week. . . then she took his pants off and Makiko deadpanned, "this is the beginning." Apparently the guy is famous for this kind of stuff. . .. Later he was trying to get guys to French him. . . I bit his tongue. In your face, Mr. Nipple-Biter.

Then there was THIS guy, this totally tall wrestler-looking dude whose English vocabulary was limited to "I am the best singer! MY BAND IS VERY FAMOUS! Famous thrash band of japan! Best singer of best band! you will come to my SHOW!"

Kyoko introduced me to Mamada-san, the ex-drummer of SHIKABANE. He lived in California for 5 years. I was like, "yeah, whatever." but then she said he was a MATHEMATICIAN. I was like, "DUDE, I’M YOUR GROUPIE!!" she was pretty shocked by that. But eventually she admitted that HER day job was kind of nerdy also; accountant. I freaked out again : "DUDE! You should TOTALLY have grindcore lyrics about brutal debentures and interest rates and shit!! Totally gory!! And you can have, like, a projector playing POWER POINT PRESENTATIONS of spreadsheets over the band when you rock. TOTALLY LIKE BRUTAL SPREADSHEETS!! Fucking DO IT!!"

After THAT, Mamada-san and Kyoko-san wanted to take me to DON QUIXOTE at MIDNIGHT and buy a fridge. So began the GREAT DEATH METAL BRUTAL FRIDGE ADVENTURE. We were joined by 2 other people. . . we were this total mob of midnight punk rockers and freaks pushing a Kmart fridge through the Korean ghetto at like 1 in the morning for no good reason. Needless to say, it ruled!! It’s like, in California where I know tons of people, everyone would be like, "dude, I’m too busy." Or "I’m out right now, but leave a message at the tone." But I come to japan and fools I don’t even KNOW drop everything to do some totally dangerous, brutal appliance delivery in the dead of night. What a country. . .

Plus, on the way home I saw a salariman throwing up on the sidewalk

Can life get any better??


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