Tokyo Damage Report

Kappabashi! meta-restaraunts! plastic display food!

The fabled PLASTIC FOOD LAND turns out to be better than I had imagined. A huge street called kappabashi.

the entrance to Kappi-basha is dominated by a GiganticFrenchman. i think at one point he was going to conquer Tokyo, but Godzilla ate his pomme frites and then stomped him all the way into this office building, where he remains today!

Kappa-bashi is like a META store. The stores there sell little bits and pieces of OTHER stores. Plus i’m on a mission to answer the question: if restaraunts have little plastic food in their windows, do the ‘plastic food shops’ have little PLASTIC RESTARAUNTS in THEIR windows?

 

One store sells uniforms, one store sells little banners you put outside on the sidewalk, several sell the dishwashing and dough-rolling machines, and millions of stores sell furniture for restaraunts. The best stores are the plastic food joints. They’re like museums!! I instantly decide that this will be my new hobby: collecting plastic food. It’s weird that, in a nation totally preoccupied with obsessive collectors AND smallness-as-a-virtue. . . (tiny cell phone accessory collectors, pornographic phone card collectors , tiny fighting-robot model collectors, dishwashers the size of toasters, and toasters the size of a baby’s fist, vans the size of bicycles, etc, etc. etc.) . . . .no one seems to collect plastic sample foods!! Even though they’re small, expensive and TOTALLY COOL. So I guess I’ll have to be in the vanguard once again.

 

Sato’s foodstample store did not have the little plastic restaraunts, but he was totally nice, so you should go there! it’s like a museum!!

 

inside a display case of food-themed cellphone accessories were 2 phones with clearly printed plastic labels reading in English: DO NOT EAT.

and here is the outside of that store.

In one of the stores I meet some old guy who speaks English. At first I figure he owns the place since he won’t let the clerk get a word in edgewise, but then as I see a thin strand of saliva flop down his chin I realize he’s just nuts. Then he starts talking about do I believe in jesus? And telling me if I come to his church he’ll set me up with some hot Christian chicks.

 

Meanwhile, on the interior decorating tip, I’ve bought some tiny, bite-sized ROBOTS to go with my FAKE SUSHI. the robots and the sushi are the same exact size, so i decided to set up a BATTLE between them. . . right now i think the Sushi is winning. . . .

 

 


AUGUST 4

Wake up at noon, and return to KAPPABASHI, the plastic food street. I discovered there’s more than just fake food shops. . . there’s also FAKE FLOWER SHOPS. Which also sell FAKE PLASTIC PARROTS.

And lantern shops!!

And you know how every Asian restaurant has to have a Lucky Cat somewhere in it, with its paw up waving at you? well, I FOUND THE STORE THAT SELLS THE LUCKY CATS. I swear, this store must be the luckiest damn spot on the planet . I really should have asked them if they’re so damn lucky what are they still doing here?? why aren’t they chilling with Snoop or something? But instead I just took pictures of their ADORABLE OWLS.

AS if that weren’t enough, there were exactly TWO stores that sold NOTHING BUT KNIVES. And the competing knife shops were RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER!! It doesn’t take much to imagine the owners rushing out into the intersection, armed to the teeth with their own merchandise, dueling over customers!!

 

plus, DID YOU REALLY THINK THIS WOULD NOT HAVE ITS OWN MASCOT??

!!

and, THE WEIRD THING ABOUT THIS 6 POUND BAG OF SHRIMP IS, IT’S NOT FAKE.

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