Tokyo Damage Report

catfight @ loft plus one.

DATE: saturday december 27th

ENGRISH OF THE DAY:

i have been waiting a really long time to finally see this sign.

it’s like you’re not really an ‘engrish collector’ until you have taken this picture.

SOUNDTRACK; ‘love don’t cost a thing’ – j. lopez

‘the toumb of Old Swain Forkbeard’ – Outlawed Ass of Denmark

(don’t ask)


SEMI-SPECIAL TWO-PART EVENT REPORT

First i went to a CATFIGHT.

we are waiting in line 1 1/2 hours for a 2 hour event. said 2 hour event has less than 30 minutes of actual fighting. the first 40 minutes was a ‘best of wrestling’ video with the MCs providing commentary. it was like we were in school and the substitute teacher had no clue how to teach fractions so she just said, "Ok, today we’re going to watch a movie." then 2 fights, then MORE VIDEOS, then final fight. you’d think that for nearly twice the price of a ‘regular’ fight, we’d see some crazy insane catfighting — sex, blood, kangaroos — but it was pretty ordinary.

fortunately in Tokyo, even the ordinary is pretty amazing:

first battle was a "woman – vs – man clothes-tearing-off competition." they both wound up naked, but the woman won in the end: turns out she was ‘wearing’ a tampon. which was ceremoniously hoisted out and displayed to the audience.

second battle: Dominatrix Biker Lady vs. Kawaii Pigtail Girl in a tickle fight. pigtail girl was getting pretty devastated for the first 2 rounds, until she discovered that the Dominatrix had a weak point: foot licking. she tapped out after 5 seconds of this.

final bout was: Two Really Big Women in a face-slap-hair-pull-a-thon. this was amazing to watch because they were both exhausted but didn’t let up even for a second. plus, sleeper holds, half-nelsons, and other painful sadistic moves i don’t even know the names of.

so, fun? yes.

but keep in mind you can see a 5-fight battle for free elsewhere.

‘you’ meaning ‘me’, of course. ‘YOU’ are much too tasteful to go.

plus the stage was so small and low, they couldn’t do jumps or acrobatic technical stuff. so they just rolled around on the floor mostly. AND the stage also had a little fence around it so you couldn’t SEE them when they were on the floor. it would have been more respectful to the audience to just have the fighters just skip the unseeable battles altogether, and bitch-slap every one of us. probably the audience would have enjoyed it more, too, by the looks of things.

after that, suddenly the show is over. you can talk to the wrestlers — IF you are buying a ticket from them for the next ripoff.

the moral is: LOFT PLUS ONE: the place to stay away from.

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