Tokyo Damage Report

Hero-show @ Tokyo Dome

engrish of the day ;

today: hero show at tokyo dome!!

In the center of tokyo there is the tokyo dome amusement park. being japan, this park is only 100 feet on a side, but they hired MC ESCHER to be the architect so they could cram like 3 rollercoasters and a funhouse into that 100 feet. me and my pals went there to check out a rumor: yes, you CAN see japanese ‘ultraman’ style hero-vs.-monster battles performed LIVE in a theatrical setting.


i love this idea. ultraman plus theatre. that’s like, i don’t know, casting Yogi Bear as macbeth or something. It’s as if Ultraman said, "Just because i’m 400 feet tall and shoot lasers out of my chest-hole, i’m always getting typecast as an action hero. but my real love is… the Theatah!" and like, he went and joined the cast of Oklahoma or something. you can only see his left boot on the stage, kind of thing. like, i know it won’t really be like that but i can hope.

today’s show was some sort of latter-day POWER RANGERS show, featuring 5 identically dressed spandex heroes. they really do fight on stage, but unfotunately there are no special effects. basically you hear ray guns going off and then someone on stage falls down. this happened to the red-haired guy below, a lot. it’s kind of like kids playing make-believe, but they also have something that regular kids don’t : THE SPACE TRAMPOLINE. basically it’s a trapdoor in the middle of the stage. so people leap into it, fall twenty feet, through this hole in the stage, and then vanish.

for instance: whenever the Power Rangers had to change to their secret identity,t hey’d leap into this trampoline and fly off stage, and then their ‘secret identity’ would come running out of a door. (this tiny stage had more damn doors… looked like a christmas nativity card for christ’s sake)

. anyway, if the kids need to change to superheroes, they jump into the trampoline. also when someone gets KO’ed, he always falls down the trampoline.

or when someone retreats and runs away.

or just whenever they feel like it.

the Space Trampoline is the REAL hero of this show.



giant robots that do exactly nothing….


fighting! i didn’t get a picture of the Space Trampoline, sorry…

again with the fighting. these guys on the right are like the henchmen. their masks are giant eyeballs. who knew the Residents were moonlighting?

this is the best battle… the 3-on-1 combination super tickle attack, plus the guy in the corner is executing this superb sort of half-giggle, half-lurking maneuver.

hopefully i’ll be able to see ultraman live on stage next month.





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