Tokyo Damage Report

reup : “holidays in the sunshine” drunkpunk live: 4 spikes

July 23 , 2004

HOLIDAYS IN THE SUNSHINE V.2

 

Tonight’s live was one of those things where only the band members show up. While it’s good to see my pals again, the audience never reached that ‘critical mass’ where everyone goes off and the gig has energy. I blame the right-wing media. Also worth complaining about: every live show is like a constant battle between the forces of happiness (music) and the forces of depression (girls). The music makes me feel alive and good, and the girls make me feel worthless and alone. In some sense the truest criteria for a GOOD BAND is this: are they good enough to make me forget about the women?

Gender-wise, tonight's audience wasn't a K.D. Lang show, but it wasn't a Sausage Party either. But tonight’s gig was the worst of both worlds . . .there were hella females there BUT they were ALL band member’s girlfriends. All being cheerleaders and shit but hella taken. It’s like, any way you look at it, that blows. I wound up grabbing this girl’s lit cigarette and putting it out on my arm. Some blue haired construction guy was all looking at me like he was going to kick my ass. Fuck you! I’m not trying to hit on your girlfriend, I’m trying to mutilate myself you jock bastard. If you REALLY like her, YOU’D be the one getting her to quit smoking.

Douche.

As for the music, I’ve already reviewed the music of all these bands, so instead I’ll just talk about which celebrity they should sodomize.

DISCLOWTER

Good fun oi music with the singer all yelling one note. Kind of cute/young and playful attitude to it. . . therefore, Celebrity Sex Victim should be Pee Wee Herman, no question. He’d be down.

4 SPIKES

drummer’s quitting soon. I kept volunteering to be the next drummer. The guy they said was going to be the new drummer was already passed out drunk by like 9 pm, so I think the decision is clear here.

at this point, the OI PANDA came out. I don't know the choruses to any of the songs so i get him to sing along since he's japanese. he would have been helpful during the first band's set also, but at that point i had not drunk my cold beverages. his rule is, he only comes out if i'm a little wobbly. it's sort of an inibriated alter-ego thing. anyway he got all up in peoples faces and was oi oi oiing and junk. you'll see photos of him from time to time on the photos page.

ABDUCTED

Fast with a little wiry singer who did bruce lee jedi tricks with the microphone stand. I really wanted him to have sodomy with Billy Joel. That would have been sweet. Two little guys all going at it. He could have been getting all crazy with martial arts sex moves, and billy could have been yelling ‘we didn’t start the FIIIREEEE’ all with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and sweat running into it.

NO EVACUATIONS

You might recall this is the ‘college boy band’ where everyone is in a music school to ‘study punk.’ Guitarist was too drunk and didn’t show up. Drummer was hella late. No one had Mohawks. What the hell are they teaching these guys nowadays?? I think they should have to fuck that insane mathematician teacher from A BEAUTIFUL MIND for punishment. This would make them better students.

THE FOOLISHNESS

Um, they’re working class skinheads? They, um , play music of some sort? Um, what else? Ummmmm…. at this point my memory is like a reel to reel tape which has run out and is flapping around going ‘thuh thuh thuh thuh thuh . . .’ if you look at the photos you will know more about this band than I do.

Sodomy: Toby Keith. He’s a friend of the working man, right?

DRUNK BOIS

From Hokkaido. Apparently they came here by boat?? Like 16 hours. The bassist is a lady. This is rare in japan. Also cute. I was going to say, let’s get Joan Jett up there and watch them go to work, but that’s too obvious. What if we got like some 40 year old pro golfer lady with like a sun visor and her khaki shorts round her ankles, all bent over and clutching a miniature ‘golf club bag’ full of dildoes, all trying to find the right one for the occasion? You could have like the golf announcers doing commentary in hushed voices. Wait, no, the golf announcers could all be whispering ‘oi oi oi!’ during the chorus. Fucking sweet. Let’s just eliminate the hot lesbian action altogether and make golf announcers mandatory at all oi! Shows.

THE DISCLAPTIES

The drummer explained the name: ‘dis’ means they like the band ‘discharge’. ‘clap’ means to applaud, and ‘ties’ means they like the band ‘casualties.’ So, ‘DISCLAPTIES.’

As usual this band managed to get everyone dancing more than any other band. As usual I am mystified why people like them so much.

Lars? Fuck it, I’m out of ideas.

THE ERECTIONS

From Hiroshima? They had big hair. I remember exactly nothing about this band.

Sex?

Lars again,why not. Motherfuckers with limp old Coke Dick can always use more erections. Shit, even they DID all tag-team on Lars, and I STILL wouldn’t have remembered it. Gaw, maybe THAT REALLY HAPPENED. Stupid alcohol, making me forget Lars auctioning off Rothko paintings while getting reamed!!

Also, more new JAPANESE BAND NAMES.

 

—- 4SPIKES

 

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—- ABDUCTED

 

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—- NO EVACUATIONS

 

—- THE FOOLISHNESS with oi panda.

 

—- THE FOOLISHNESS

 

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—- DRUNK BOIS from Sapporo

 

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—- DISCLAPTIES

 

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—- OI PANDA helps catch a stagediver

 

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—- ERECTIONS from hiroshima

 

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