Tokyo Damage Report

interesting book : POKE-TO GE-MU KORE-KUSHUN (”pocket game collection’)

remember nintendo game-boy? or the Tomagochi fad from 10 years ago? well, those are just the TIP OF THE ICEBERG, BABY.

po-keto ge-mu kore-kushun is an ENCYCLOPEDIA of games.

po-keto ge-mu kre-kushun has some of the most um er um interesting games, stuff which was not only actually MADE and SOLD, but sold in enough quantity that there is apparently a market for ‘how to’ books for the stuff.

for example, i’m sure you’ve all heard of

DIGITAL DRUGS.

these games are apparently from 1997. yes, the ones in the lower left actually DO say ‘digital drug.’

oddly, they have nothing to do with getting high, or even with medicine. the way these games work is, they’re like a ‘MAGIC 8-BALL’ but with a pill interface. my point: you ask a question, then push the button on the game, and either the ‘yes’ pill, the ‘no’ pill or the ‘maybe’ pill lights up. You know, like a digital version of all those ANALOG pills that people are always taking in order to tell the future. well, i guess 8-balls aren’t a particularly intuitive prognostication interface either, so there you go.

next is:

POCKET BREEDER.

also from 1997 or 98. damn, that must have been a good year for the pocket industry.

here’s the premise of this item: who hasn’t at one time or another wanted to breed racehorses in the privacy of their own pockets?

i have no idea how this game works. i was so satisfied with the game name that i never bothered to ask my friend to translate the text. seriously, nothing can be as good as the name.

so now you’re wandering around tokyo in 1997, blitzed to the gills with digital dope and toting a pocket bulging with freshly bred stallions, what more could you ask for? well, you’re probably hungry at this point, so why not get the FUI-SHINGU CHANPEON??

yes. ok, um.

about fui-shingu chanpion, you use the "lonco pocket fishelman" interface to pick up virtual trout or flounder. apparently when you ‘catch’ one, the whole contraption vibrates. which, great. i mean, ‘pole’, ‘pocket’, ‘vibrate,’ ‘electric,’ . . . something tells me it wasn’t all little kids buying these.

another weird thing is, this game IS ALSO from 1997. i swear, it’s like EVERY good idea came out the same year. as if the gods themselves decreed that 1997 WILL BE THE YEAR OF FUCKED HANDHELD GAMES WHICH LOOK LIKE THINGS BESIDES HANDHELD GAMES. and yea it was so.

or maybe it’s because the whole book was published in 97. ya think?

 

and last is this guy. as if the gods themselves asked the question, ‘YEA, IS THERE ANYTHING MORE GAY THAN ROLLERBLADING, AND LO IF THERE IS, COULD IT TAKE THE FORM OF A HAND HELD POCKET GAME OF SOME SORT, PREFERABLY INCORPORATING THE ‘TRACKBALL’ INTERFACE USED ON SUCH ARCADE GAMES AS CENTIPIDE?’

so now you’re wasted on digital drugs, toting your pocket full of genetically modified stallions, racing around tokyo upside-down doing a hand stand on your hand-held rollerblade, while catching fish with your big stinky foreign feet, which are vibrating, IN 1997.

and there you go.

anyway, this concludes the tour, a good luck finding these toys. nd

(if you want to see the BOOK-OFF discount book stores for yourself, my recently written and surprisingly half-assed ‘tokyo tour guide’ has directions to the main store).

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. Tuure August 31st, 2009 5:20 am

    I remember I had a FUI-SHINGU CHANPEON! Unsurprisingly, I got it as a christmas present in 1997.

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