Tokyo Damage Report

catfight 10: Hindus and reverse rape.

Sunday september 5:

went to (yawnnn) another catfight.

Honestly I wanted to go to sunny and innocent Hello Kitty-land, but my (female) friend really wanted to do some wrestling so i took her and she got beat up by Strawberry Milk.

Fight 1: um, are you deaf? she got beat up by Strawberry Milk. But first, we had a hell of a time trying to come up with a ‘character’ for her. . . the ‘BRAHMIN BULLDAGGER’ was my contribution but thankfully it went unheeded. Her style wound up being this masala of sumo, south asian dance, Guidebook Japanese Yelling, and shameless mugging. The pleather-pants-and-mullet-and-fake-tan-ass MC was kind of hella mean to her which was lame, but she didn’t help matters by referring to herself as a ‘stupid foreigner’ or doing a ‘monkey dance.’

Fight 2: P-CLIMAX ROUND ONE: Ayano-san vs. Akira.

This was good fun. One fighter was all decked out like the Terminator and the other was just this hungover rocker-chick who tried to kick the Terminator in the balls a lot but she didn’t have balls so it didn’t work, and the Terminator just stood there like “what? Are you trying to make me mad or something, bitch?” and then the hungover girl would run away and the MC would scream “ILON PUSHII!!!” in engrish. Eventually Akira had had enough and just picked up Ayano and choked her half to death with one move and went backstage.

Fight 3: P-CLIMAX ROUND TWO; Some Lady vs. Blue Lady.

Just normal. Blue lady won so she’ll fight akira (the other p-climax winner) later tonight.

Fight 4: lesbian battle!!

Two porn stars (or so I was told) come out wearing, improbably, the uniforms of Olympic Power-lifters: that weird suspenders-cum-hotpants deal with the white t-shirt. The one lady was just eerie to behold: like the head of a burnt-out 40 year old broad on the body of a 9 year old boy. The other lady was pudgy with boobies which were trying to escape off of opposite sides of her chest (think fish fins here). First round was Groping Battle . Second round was Guys Leap Out Of The Audience With Vibrators And Attack The Wrestlers Battle. Third round was Whoever Strips The Other Broad First Wins Battle. All of these were just lame.

They didn’t have the stamina of wrestlers so they got tired really fast and didn’t put on a show. Plus the larger woman never did ANYTHING besides giggle,and totally lost every battle by a wide margin, so there was no suspense. They seemed to be under the illusion that what they were doing was so sexy that it didn’t matter if there was any showmanship or effort. Um, no. the only interesting thing about it was, the Groping Battle for some reason required special gloves, a kind of puffy, Mickey Mouse style glove which I have never seen before. What, are there special Groping Gloves now???

Fight five: TAGTEAM TICKLE BATTLE: chihiro (she of the pointy chin and tattooed feet) vs. Anime Nerd Girl and Ten Foot Tall Faux-Chinese Amazon Miniskirt Girl.

Chihiro vehemently objected to the 2-against-one-ness of it all and dragged some random woman in from the audience to be her partner. Then, tickling ensued and was pretty funny. The TFTFCAMG was just totally impervious to tickling though and won.

The next round was just bizarre and difficult to describe without flowcharts. one team would share a yukata (summer kimono). That is to say, one fighter would stand behind the other with the yukata over her head blinding her. The rear lady’s arms and the front lady’s head stuck out the yukata, giving the impression of a 4 legged hunchback trying to eat an icecream cone, for that is exactly what the rear lady was holding in her hand . when the bell rang, the front lady had to eat the whole thing while both of them were being tickled without mercy by the other 2 fighters. It was a messacre. I think chihiro took like 4 minutes to finish and by the end her face looked like a sperm bank.

Then they switched places, and the TFTFCAMG/Anime Nerd Girl team ate their cone in less than ONE minute. They were just totally ruthless and must have practiced that stunt a lot in their spare time. Which is, in itself, much more pathetic than just losing the contest. I think.

Fight five: REVERSE RAPE MATCH. (aka SPERM PATIENCE match)

The reverse-rape match was a brilliantly simple concept: there are 2 teams. Each team consists of a) a 40something ex-pornstar with bad bridgework, and b) a young, virginal-looking man in black y-fronts. The cherry-boys were all tied up back-to-back like witches about to be burned at the stake. When the bell rang, the two older women were racing to rape the others’ cherry-boy. The cherry-boys, for their part were trying to win the hearts of their cronelike oedipal hooker-mother-figures by withholding their Precious Bodily Fluids from the opposite team’s rapist. And of course, whoever makes the guy cum first, wins.

American porn stars would no doubt just head straight for the penis like a homing missle and just Get The Job Done, but the Japanese ladies were sort of playing to the crowd by licking the cherry-boys all over and sort of building up the suspense of it. The guys lasted over ten minutes, before Red Team’s guy finally came, at which Red Team’s losing rapist was bodily carried off-stage kicking and screaming by some stagehands, never to be seen again.

Fight six: P-CLIMAX final round. Akira and Blue Lady face off.

They are both big and burly and just immediately start brutalizing each other. It was a fucked up violent fight where the loser (Blue Lady) was really hurt and crying and it was kind of ill. Because she couldn’t just go and get a doctor, she had to stand on stage all through the closing ceremonies with cameras pointing at her crying face. At the end my friend went backstage to check on Blue Lady and said she was not faking, she was really hurt.

the weird thing about the violent fight is, it wasn’t even satisfying to watch. no technical throws or high kicks and very little slapping. but lots of choking and trying to pop arms out of sockets- in other words stuff which was dangerous but not visually exciting for the audience. Just worst-of-both-worlds kind of stuff.

my friend who fought was kind of pissed because she didn’t know catfights could get this exploitative/ violent / sexual/ gratuitously humiliating. i guess i should have warned her more, but at the same time i honestly have never seen a fight as extreme as this one before, so i was surprised too.

oh, and there aren’t any more photos so don’t ask you pervs.

here is a link to CAT PANIC ENTERTAINMENT website. there are pictures there.

 

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