Tokyo Damage Report

Gandam rivets.

DATE:thursday november 13
ENGRISH OF THE DAY:

SOUNDTRACK: ‘barber of seville’ – traditional

‘peanuts theme’- diminished scale only

‘radar brothers’ – and the surrounding mountains

 

Gandams– jesus, where to begin?? i guess the Gandam franchise started out as a ‘Giant Robots Hitting Each Other’ animation. but it somehow grew out of control and became THE giant robot animation. in addition to the inevitable manga, videogames, keychains, and other spinoffs. . . . there are gandam models. totally intricate glue-it-together-and-paint-it model kits. granted, ALL anime have model kits, but the Gandam freaks are in a league of their own: there are ENTIRE MAGAZINES devoted to NOTHING BUT THIS MONTH’S NEW GANDAMS. here’s another wacky fact about gandams: when you build a model tank, you’re done. but when you finish your gandam, you’re still STARTING: you basically built yourself a ‘naked gandam.’ And then you have to build little Armored Pants for him, or Armored Shirts, or Big Huge Jetpacks, or Guns, or Other Guns, or Knee-Mounted Rocket Launchers, or What’s That Coming Out Of His Head, or 1,000 other little things. Then you can dress him up in various combinations of outfits. it’s amazing. . . .they have more accessories than boy george. The gandam industry has taken these totally butch, giant killing machines and made them into fucking drag queens. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE??

Anyway I thought that I’d seen the worst of Gandam Mania, until I stumbled accross this:

this is one of many accessories you can buy, in order to ‘trick out’ your gandam. you just glue them on. Not the pink rectangles, though. . . . you glue on THE TINY WHITE RIVETS and THROW AWAY THE PINK RECTANGLES. that’s right, get out your magnifying glass and your Micro-Knife and cut out each rivet, and paste it onto the armor of your Gandam to make it look, you know, riveted. as if (A) super high tech robots would even USE vintage world war two rivets, and (B) the whole shebang wasn’t made with GLUE. for some reason, the idea of gluing rivets (as opposed to, say, RIVETING them) is too postmodern to deal with. i mean, WHAT’S NEXT? A GIANT SIZE METAL MODEL OF A GLUE TUBE, RIVETED TOGETHER, BUT THE RIVETS ARE ACTUALLY MADE OF GLUE????

another fun Gandam fact; these gigantic, relentless killing machines ALSO come in ‘tiny and cute’ sizes. and what is the name for the ‘cute tiny cuddley version’??

. . . . SUPER DEFORMED.

 

tomorrow: i get super-deformed.

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