Tokyo Damage Report


I managed to get a transcript of this interview, before Ms. Spears’ publicist had a chance to edit it is..

VH1: Your career seems to be putting more emphasis on your sexuality and publicity stunts like the MTV Awards kiss.

BS: Well, like spinal tap said, ‘there is a very fine line between genius and stupidity.’Case in point: my new album.We spent like 5 months and $400,000 dollars recording it, and now maybe 10 million people heard it.fine.Then I go kiss old whatshername – rehearsal time ? 10 minutes.And like 15 million people heard about THAT.It’s like,I bothered to record an album WHY?


VH1:Because you love music?


BS: What? oh, yeah. I love that thing you said.

  VH1: So during your hiatus, you were often seen at discos.Did you do drugs?


BS: Hell yes I did drugs. I’m a desperately unhappy person, is why.But I didn’t get addicted because I’m acutely aware of just how much I have to lose!


VH1: Desperately unhappy? Why??


BS: Well think about it!I was the most famous, popular, well-paid, sexy pop idol in all America… before I was even old enough to vote! Once I turned 18, there was nowhere to go but down. That’s a terrible thing for a young girl – to know that the rest of her life is nothing but a decades-long ramp leading straight down to ignominy.And of course I had not been taught any other way to be happy besides fame!So that’s why I’m so tormented – I’m the Orson Welles of slutty-dressed pop stars.Even worse than that – at least Orson Welles was remembered for CITIZEN KANE, which he directed while in his 20s.That movie is still considered classic today. But10 years from now, no one will remember my music, just my midriff and possibly my breasts, and I know this.And it eats at me like cancer.A cancer, I tell you!!!


VH1: But you are still one of the most famous entertainers right now-isn’t that a consolation? A million girls would kill to be in your shoes right now.


BS: Sure, a million. But 2 years ago it was 14 million girls that would murder their own mother to be me.That’s an 85 % decline!!Let me tell you, there is a HUGE difference between the heady-rush-to-the-top-where-will-it-all-end type of fame and the oh-shit-the-new-album-only-sold-10-million-why-does-god-hate-me-so kind of fame.You really can’t understand unless you’ve experienced it. Plus you have to realize that when I had the first kind of fame (the good kind) I couldn’t even properly enjoy it because I was 100% controlled by my handlers, had no free time, and no idea that this was as good as it got!So I’m bitter about that, too. The handlers reaped the benefits of Stage One Fame, and left me to deal with the psychosis of Stage Two fame all by myself.Is it any wonder I am having plastic surgery even as we speak?


VH1: That sounds terrible.I had no idea you were this articulate. You actually make me empathize with the plight of the star who can barely sell 10 million records, the poor thing.


BS: Well good.I’m trapped in this kind of purgatory.Part of me realizes the grim certainty that I have nowhere to go but down and therefore just wants to leap off the celebrity treadmill as fast as possible. But the other part of me realizes with equal certainty that I have absolutely no worth at all if I am not a celebrity.I can’t change a transmission or solve a quadratic equation, I don’t know how to use a deep-fryer or code linux… I have nothing else to offer.


VH1: Is this latter certainty also grim?


BS: Yes, yes it if I jump off the treadmill I have still got my mansions and yachts but I have lost my reason to live.But if I stay on, I merely prolong the agony of slipping down the charts, watching my former glory be eclipsed by a new generation of girls even more whorish and less talented than I. Add this final irony to the mix: even as I resent the new crop of stars, I know that I was responsible in some way for creating them-the precedents I set, the way I changed the industry, and so on.


VH1: And that’s where the drugs come in, is it not?


BS: Yes, exactly.For how can a sensitive and introspective girl like me deal with these conundrua with the clarity of sobriety? It’s too painful.


VH1: Thanks for speaking with us today, Ms. Spears


BS: No problem.It’s about time someone listened to the ‘real me.’

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. Micah Jeong August 14th, 2010 7:43 am

    I love ‘womanizer’ by britney spears.

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