Tokyo Damage Report



Many personal ads say, "no games!"

But almost no one ever actually says WHAT the games are.
It’s a shame. So many people are getting burned all the time since we don’t share our knowledge of the ‘games.’ People start out innocent, and have to aquire their dating wisdom the hard way-when they get burned. Wouldn’t you have liked to learn from the mistakes of others, so you would not get burned so often? It’s too late for you, you sorry wreck, but by working together, we can still help others! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!

What I propose is this: I’ll post the most common games I know of. And you can add YOUR games to the list. This way, everyone benefits. New, innocent daters will be educated without having to learn about games the hard way. People who are the victims of those games can vent about it ANONYMOUSLY, and get their stories told. Venting always feels good, like you’re having the last laugh. And people who PLAY games can kind of deal with their guilt by warning others! Men, women, straight, and gay can all contribute instead of squabbling with each other. Isn’t that nifty?

It’s a win-win situation.

So – without further ado- here’s the. . .


1) Did I mention I’m married?
2) I will say I love you until you put out and I run away
3) Dinner whore
4) On the rebound from a long relationship, looking to hurt someone the way I was hurt
5) I’m pretty sure my ex will take me back, (in a month or two) but I need someone to be a backup lover until the ex calls me again
6) Watch me have a great time on the first date, but then never return your phone calls afterwards!
7) My ex WON’T take me back so I’m looking for an exact duplicate of my ex, and I’ll blame you if you fall short
8) I have no fucking idea what I want. . . If you pursue me, I’ll avoid you. But if you withdraw, I’ll come after you.
9) I want the emotional intimacy of a lover – someone to call at 1 AM and complain about stuff, and do errands with – without any of the messy physical stuff a lover does.
10) Even though we’re having sex, I’ll still maintain that we’re not ‘going out’ so I can continue to date other people, until I make up my mind in or around 2034.

11 ) At TOTALLY RANDOM moments I’ll start asking why you’re mad at me, and not stop until you finally DO get mad at me, and then I’ll be like, “See, I could tell you were mad. Why’d you lie?”

12) “it’s all your fault!! I never would have done that if you hadn’t made me so depressed that I stopped taking my mood medication”

13) oh, by the way, i need you to wear this costume when we make love you phone me, and in return i talk to you, so that’s totally equal, isn’t it? so why should i ever phone you?

14) my therapist totally says you’re the one for me.

15) have you heard enough about my ex yet? of course not!




(WfW version)

  • I have a girlfriend but I’m poly…oh, whoops I’ve decided I’m not poly any more…sorry!
  • THE SCIENTIST: Watch me flirt with people in front of you and see how you react. When you ask me what I’m doing, pretend innocence.
  • I’ll be interested in you while my gf’s out of town, but when she returns I’ll pretend I don’t even know you.
  • Let me tell you about all these people that think I’m cute.
  • so i’m leaving my girlfriend, soon you and me can finally finally be together, just wait a little longer, i love you so much….then…oh, sorry I’ve decided to stay with her (x100).
  • if you have a girlfriend, i’m really hot for you. when she dumps you, suddenly i find you unnatractive.
  • Say we’re just friends, then be mad because I don’t want to sleep with you.

ONLINE PERSONAL AD GAMES submitted by bitter readers:

  • I like to describe myself as a hot young blonde chick, by which I mean ‘retired black dude.’
  • I just put that ad up because I want a full inbox.
  • (or, alternatively): I am paralyzed with fear at the thought of actually meeting anyone, so I’ll send you 2,000 emails but bail if you even suggest we might meet face to face
  • I’m really a bitter person who needs someone to vent on and this is really just a setup so send me an email with a pic and tell me all about yourself and I’ll write back and tell you how lame and ugly you are.

games for guys, submitted by anonymous but perceptive readers:

  • I’m emotionally crippled, but "girlfriend" sounds cooler than "therapist".
  • I had a great time! Gimme a call, here’s my number: 555-1212
  • I can’t do anything for myself, but "girlfriend" sounds better than "mom".
  • Uh, sorry, but I’m allergic to latex.
  • Let’s not forget the old "I just am dating you to make my ex jealous. Once this mission has been accomplished, what are you still doing here?"
  • african-american games

    submitted by an alert reader

    1. I am different than all other women. I do not want your money, actually I like to reciprocate in relationships, 50/50. Now that I have moved in I can work when I want and you can pay all the bills , plus when I don’t maintain my car I can use yours because that’s your purpose.


    2. I like drama so much that I am going to physically attack you if you do not argue with me. Especially knowing the police will STILL arrest you with your black eye, busted lip , bloody nose and scratch marks.


    3. This isn’t your child but because the guy I cheated with is no good I am going to put it on you, besides I slept with him and you the same day four times in two weeks.


    4. I like you but I want you with emotional baggage, so let’s get together right after a bad relationship you just left. What? you want to wait until you emotionally recover? Well, now you are only friend material.


    5. I want to be your girl. Lets have sex to celebrate. (after sex) Nah that’s ok, why don’t we just stay friends. (6 months later)  I want to marry you because you are the only one I can think of.  And still a year later she is still calling.


    6. I don’t want you as a boyfriend, even though we finish each others sentences and by my admission you treat me better than other men have. I just want you for periodical hot sex. So if you want a real girlfriend, you should choose the other girl.  Now, you suck because you are with the other girl! . . . buuuuut even though you suck, I still want sex. Choose me. Now that she drove you off, I want sex but no relationship.  You are back together, I want you again.  No contact anymore after that.


    7. “you’re not worth our time because you don’t make enough money and you don’t wear fancy clothes.” Buuut. . .if you even LOOK at a woman of another race, we’ll come after you saying “oh so its like that, all the ‘sisters’ around here interested in you and you go to the ‘other’.  we knew you were a sellout, what our butts arent flat enough?  you are just talking to her because she is white.”

  • brand new games submitted by a clever person in the Womens’ Peripherals Industry:

  • I’m a dick but you’re the one who should feel guilty ( i enjoy causing a huge scene in public, which it is your job to fix, because you hurt me so bad, because i am so vulnerable to you, because i love you so much)
  • are you smoking again?did you buy that CD of that band i don’t like? are you trying to tell me something??You do everything just to hurt me!!!
  • I only find you attractive when you are yelling at me because relationships without fights are BORING.
  • Convince me I’m straight.
  • Drama queen A – I’ll cheat on you to create drama.
  • Drama queen B- I’ll accuse you of cheating to create drama
  • Drama queen C- I’ll flirt like hell to bait you into accusing me of cheating
  • I’m joining/belong to a political group/religion/cult that is in
    total opposition to everything you believe in, and act like it’s nothing personal.
  • Love means always buying each other things.
  • i’m dating you for your race so I can pretend we’re oppressed.
  • i’m dating you for your race because I’ve got a fetish.
  • Sophmore-year lesbian.
  • Notify me of your every move.
  • "Can’t stand silence."
  • I want to re-enact romantic comedies.
  • Really after your roommate.



1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. naoko July 28th, 2009 2:31 pm

    Hahahahhahaha wow holy shmoly.

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