Tokyo Damage Report

2005 spring Tokyo fashion report

  • First off, all the gothy visual kei kids have suddenly (and I mean SUDDENLY) all totally gotten happy. Everyone is dressed in candy colors with stripes and polkadots and 1,000 plastic bracelets. I asked the 2 guys and 2 girls in this photo above (guess) where this look comes from and they responded in perfect unison ,”SHINOHARA TOMOE.” she was a ’90s pop singer. If you think that she inspired the ‘90s cult street-fashion magazine FRUITS you are on the money.

  • Cornrows are not just for wanna-be Mary J. Bilge girls in blackface anymore! Lots of people are getting them, but usually just on one side. Like on the left or right temple only (rest of hair normal). The Assymetrical Look.
  • Remember how, last year the biggest American brand of t-shirt was 76 Motor Oil? Well, everyone has thrown out their 76 shirts and instantly replaced them with BOOTLEG BARBARA KREUGER shirts. You know, that postmodern feminist artist that was popular awhile ago? With the black-and-white photos and superimposed text banners? She is everywhere.
  • The other t-shirt you have to wear is one with a mad-magazine-style ripoff of the Jack Daniel’s label. I have counted over 10 different versions of this motif, most with “Jack Daniels” altered to be various bygone American Rock Band names.
  • The other major trend is deterioration. In the winter, pretty much anything and everything had like 2-inch-wide seams, and the seams were all frayed. Like whoever invented the fraying machine must have bought Escobar’s old house by now. And they are taking it a step further in Spring ? everyone has tight jeans with pre-ripped holes in the front of the thighs. Whenever I see this, I keep thinking of the 4-cents-an-hour chinese motherfuckers making the jeans — jeans that they could never afford in GOOD condition, they are now working 14 hour days to deliberately FUCK UP so that they can be sold for even MORE money. What is going on in the minds of these people as they perform their labor??
  • Oh my god ? I just realized . . . pre-ripped jeans. . . assymetrical haircuts. . . barbara kreuger. . . THE 80S ARE BACK!!!!!!!! ieeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
  • Excuse me.
  • Also, the thing which is REALLY shocking ? a PRACTICAL fashion!!! In the middle of all this random nonsense, high school girls have actually done something smart! To stop panty-peepers, they are now wearing baggy polyester gym-shorts under their miniskirts. Ok, so the gym shorts have a crease ironed in them (!?!) but other than that it is a totally good idea, since the students can now lead normal lives without having to totally contort their body at all times to hide the goods. Also, this means that they can roll up the skirt until it becomes more like a ceremonial belt instead of a functional garment. But I am afraid the schoolgirls can’t win ? in another month, I predict that Tokyo’s legions of inventive perverts will start marketing “Baggy Gym Shorts-” fetish videos. “Oh God, you can see the ironed-in crease and everything!!!”
  • In all this madness, there is ONE good trend. Pumps with toe cleavage. For dudes, that means women’s shoes (things you wear on your feet) which are cut so low on top that you can see the little webbing where the toes are connected to the rest of the foot. Most of the time women wear pumps that cover up this part. But not now. Toe cleavage is everywhere. One of life’s great delights is discovering a little fetish that you didn’t even know you had , until a certain trend comes along. Mmmmmwebbing.
  • As for the most extreme trend now, it has to be the Shibuya Guys who are on some kind of mid-‘70s-Rod-Stewart-meets-Apache-warlord-Chief-Running-Gigolo shit. like, flared collars and bell-bottoms, and aviator shades, but with suede fringe and turquoise accessories. . .and THE WHOLE MESS is silkscreened with incredibly detailed patterns that look like something you’d find festering at the back of a refrigerator when you moved out of your college dorm. Oh, plus more blackface and mullets. Those have not budged.
  • But the worst trend is hideous dayglo polyester lace tights. Fuck you, hideous dayglo polyester lace tights. Also fuck you to random sequins.
  • Some of the b-boy guys are sporting this totally awesome hairdo which I can only describe as “I Am Intentionally Mimicking The Outcome of a Black Man Who Tried To Straighten His Afro With a Poor-Quality Afro-Straightener.”
  • And, finally, tiny-dogs-as-ornaments is not just for Palis Hirton rich girls anymore. This trend has spread to everyday workin’class husbands with moustaches and lunchpails. The rich girls, needing to keep ahead of the proletariat, have taken the trend a step further with designer handbags You look at this lady with her giant purse and a tiny warning light flashes in the back of your mind. “something is Not Right here. The shape of the purse. . . the tiny mesh windows in the side. . . oh no. oh no she di’int. oh you COW. You did NOT buy a Vuitton kennel. I will CRUSH you.”
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