Tokyo Damage Report

International Scientific Measuring Devices tradeshow

at odaiba big sight.

 

Dayyyyymmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnn!!!

 

All scientific up in this piece!!

 

I went with my pal, and we couldn’t even begin to figure out what stuff did, or how well it did what it was supposed to do, so we ended up using the following criteria:"How much does this look like something that would be in a Hollywood lab?" and to the extent that it looked like that, we wanted one or several.

For instance:

 

What does it do?? who cares????? it is clearly awesome so get me it for christmas. I seen a lot of dudes buskking with a guitar or you know tarot cards or whatever. But You never see guys by the side of the road with like THIS and a cardboard sign that just says "1 try, $5."

.

this guy pumped fluid from the two pods on the side, up the main central tube hard enough to raise the silver soccer ball.

I think the title of the experement was "Clinical measurement of the subconscious sexual frustration of hydro-engineers"

And again with the fluids. This one was, If I recall correctly, some kind of Gay Centrifuge that could analyze the exact percentage of Gay in your DNA and select and appropriate brand of house music based on this. Alternatively, if it is put on the "hyper spin radial entropic planar whooshing" mode, it shakes so violently that the entire rainbow flies apart into its component colors, which can be analyzed individually. Turns out that Orange is responsible for reach-arounds!

 

All the frankenstein-lab-style glassware here is made by hand. They even had some dude sculpting glass right there live. These guys have a blue-hot flame pointed basically right between their eyes and are working without gloves, just all crazy wild style.

above, the items of Sibata Corporation, makers of dispensers! Used to be a fella had a test tube. Nowadays these kids now, they got computerized test tubes that you can program to suck up a specific amount, and they can suck up to 20 tubes at the same time. Back when I was in the lab, you were lucky to get a used condom and a pair of pliers, to measure shit with, and we had to walk uphill to the lab in midwinter 3 miles, just to record our data on a picture of a PC scrawled with a magic marker on the back of a Depends carton.

The old-lady-hair-salon-animatronic-Medusa-tron-3000!

Devices that work underwater!

this little guy i assume is like the mascot of the lab, always rolling over with a witty remark, and engaging in hijinks when there is serious business to attend to. Oh, and saying a catchphrase in a monotone voice! adorable!!

above, Isis Corporation, makers of glassware and vibrating platforms that stir the contents OF glassware.

holy shit!! these mortars and pestles were moving on their own with no one touching them!! the secret – a magnet hidden in the metal box below, and other magnets hidden in the moarters. The knob on the right controls the strength of the magnets somehow. I actually met the inventor, who looked SO MUCH like the kind of guy you’d expect to design this kind of thing, that I didn’t even have to take his picture.

Crazy apparatus from TGK. Visit the company’s website. (in Japanese, so I am linking to the part with pictures anyway)

like this

or this

catalog is also available as .pdf files, if you are into that.

TGK’s catalog was insane. like over 1,000 pages and 12 pounds of pictures of the craziest shit straight off the Enterprise. Like a science genius, I decided to get the catalog as soon as we walked in the place, so I was stuck carrying it around the whole 4 hours. Which would not have been so bad but i also got huge-ass catalogs from 3 other companies too. Doh!

 

Yamato Corportation’s site . . . . here is the boo-yaa frankenstein lab page!

Behold!! The POCKY HAMMERING MACHINE!! for those of you who have been losing sleep because you are worried about the tensile strength of your Pockys.

Oscilloscopes!! Arguably the most "science-y" looking machines here. The funny thing is, the machine on top is measuring the output of the machine on the bottom. In other words, it is a machine which measures itself!!!! That’s right — a robo-circle-jerk.

This guy was also awesome, the size of your pinky nail, and powered by magnets. The blue dots are actually bits of fluid flowing through tiny tubes. When the magnet inside the black square changes polarity, the flow of the liquid stops. It’s incredibly fast, magical, and cute.

THis company makes the gas-jet-machines that the other companies use to blow glass pipes. The gas-jet-machines are really complex and have knobs to adjust the intensity, the shape of flame, and also the combintion of gases, which i guess different combinations have different chemical properties of the whatsis. Anyway the gas-guns are awesome, looking like a cross between a 1930’s sci-fi space-ship and a tattoo gun!

They said that their company’s gas-guns were used to make the glass globes for the WORLD’S LARGEST NEUTRINO DETECTOR.

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