Tokyo Damage Report

2007 may engrish

SORRY FOR NO WEBPAGE IN A WHILE. I moved and just now got internet.

The new house was chosen for a variety of reasons.

First, the neighborhood, 千駄ヶ谷 , literally means “one thousand lame valleys.” (alternate reading: “one thousand unacceptable ravines.”)


Second, you can actually look outside the front lobby of the house and see a SEX HOSPITAL. ( central hospital for wives’ complaints and sexual disease complaints).

As if that weren’t awesome enough, this VD ward has a fucking NEON SIGN in letters a meter high advertising its anti-syphyllis services to passing commuters.


Third, the real-estate and apartment-rental company’s name was quite irresistible:

Fourth, we are now living less than 1km from the Tokyo headquarters of souka gakkai, Japan’s most powerful cult (if AUM was like David Koresh, Souka Gakkai is like Scientology).


fifth, within a week of moving in, the police came to visit us. I wasn’t home but I was told that they asked about some drug dealer living in the building. Did we know him? What kind of person is he?


Ironically, we are paying much more in rent, but the “good neighborhood” we moved to is even more sinister than the poverty/foreigner-filled building we left behind.

Foreigners:1 Japanese: 0!


and you know once I get started on Engrish, I can not stop, so here:

(above, don’t-start-fires poster)

(bike in kabukicho)

(above, on sale at the Dollar Store, a pointy-spike mat to deter stray felines

the name of the product : DON’T CAT.

awesome urinal signage at harajuku Kiddyland.


below, i about shit myself when i saw this:

NIP is a company that will clean your office building. they have advertisements too:

below, my notebook:

finally, here is the men’s room at nerd-heaven- shopping-mall NAKANO BROADWAY. it’s not the porn next to the toilet that got me . . . it was the package for a pocket pussy mixed in with the porn.

fun fact: the toilet is about 30 feet from the sex shop. that’s how far he made it before he gave in to the temptation. try to imagine that state of mind.


FYI: in japanese "pussy" is "MANKO". thus the Japanese slang for pocket pussy:





kouenji awaodori festival – this is taken in that particular interval after it just finished and people are swarming the streets for a mile in each direction, while cops with loudspeakers shout "go home!" and shopkeepers shout "stay and browse!"

here is a rule posted in shinjuku gyouen:

below, a restaraunt for i guess drunk hicks?

naturally the mascot is an elephant!

below, more engrish:

i mean, "Jedi" is not Engrish, because there probably IS a "hair salon jedi" in america somewhere, but in america the owner actually is a fan of Star Trek! It’s the total lack of context for the name that makes it Engrish.

fuck yeah i said star trek.

ANyway, the graffitti bear below reads, "nelson"

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