Tokyo Damage Report

How to talk like Dr. Strange

HOW TO TALK LIKE DR. STRANGE

Remember those old Dr. Strange comics? the early ‘60s Marvel comics by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko? I loved those shits something fierce. The plots frequently made no sense, and I have since learned that we live in a corrupt world devoid of magic or redemption, but the stories continue to impress me. Not just because we share the same name (“strange”), but also because of the totally-ahead-of-its-time psychedelic art. And even more than the art, is the WRITING. Most superheros, granted, talk pretty funny: “your beta-razor is no match for my infra-boots, Doinglman!”. But the dialogue of the early dr. strange was just so far beyond: “Let the ass of the Vishanti banish you from the eyes of Man! Let it ever be so!” “Noo, it is abominable to me! My calamitous conjuration has gone awry!” and so on.

 

For years I walked around with half-remembered phrases and incantations in my head; remnants of comics I had read 20 or more years before! Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore and I broke down and re-bought the comics. What I lack in childlike wonder I hope to make up for in adult nerdiness, so I dutifully wrote down all the incantations and catch-phrases. There weren’t as many as I remembered, but there were, on the other hand, hella geinius-level bombastic Plus Five syntax. Which I also copied! It was LIKE superhero-talkin’ but not. It prefigured heavy-metal ranting and D&D maniac-speak, but was not OF it. It had a touch of the soap-opera, a serious old-testament influence, and gallons of pure bullshit. Never before or since has this precise recipie been made- I guess, in the end, the bizarre syntax was the spell I had fallen under as a kid. Where they got it from I have no idea, but here for your at-work-water-cooler-conversatin’ pleasure is

HOW TO TALK LIKE DOCTOR STRANGE VOLUME THE FIRST.

 

 

NICKNAMES YOU CAN REQUEST, NAY, DEMAND, TO BE CALLED BY:

Master of black magic

Master of the mystic arts

Master of the macabe

The man of many mysteries

 

ACTUAL GUYS TO INVOKE, SHOULD THE GOING GET ROUGH:

The All-seeing agmotto

The Vapors of valtorr

The eternal vishanti!

the vapors of the vishanti

The dread dormammu

The hoary hosts of the hoggoth

The omnipotent oshtur

The 12 moons of munnopor

The many moons of munnopor!

By the shades of the seraphim!

Seven rings of raggedor

The Crimson bands of cyttorak

In the name of Satannish the supreme!

Unfaltering flames of the faltine!

 

 

OTHER TOOLS OF THE TRADE:

Sanctum sanctorum

Enchanted amulet

Cloak of levitation

Astral self

All-seeing eye

Chamber of shadows

I call upon the mystic realm

Shadow worlds

Ancient manuscripts

Ancient scribes

the shadow world

the mystic maze of infinity

 

PALS YOU WILL HAVE:

Ancient one

Wong

Clea

Eternity

 

ENEMIES YOU WILL NARROWLY ESCAPE THE TREACHEROUS PLOTS OF:

Baron mordo

Nightmare, tyrant king of the dream world

Aggamon of the purple veil

Zota, the Egyptian sorcerer

Loki

Dread Dormammu

mindless ones

the Demon

Tiboro! The tyrant of the sixth dimension.

Kaluu, the bizarre ancient one

Umar the unrelenting, Dormammu’s sister

 

VOCABULARY WORDS TO MEMORIZE:

Occult

Tamam shud! (byebye)

disciple

Mystic domain

Beyond human ken

unfathomable

Emanations

Puny

Diabolical

Deathless

Stygian void

esoteric epic

supernatural sensation

incantation

ethereal

ominous

vanquish

startling

sorcery

conjure (or, frankly, conjuration)

eerie

macabre

netherworld

denizens (0f XXX)

ectoplasmic

accursed

dread (adj)

 

COOL WAYS TO START A SPELL, SHOULD YOU NEED TO UNLEASH DREAD FORCES:

In the name of XXX

By the powers of XXX

I Summon the powers of the ?

I call upon XXX

— at my command!

At the command of XXX

I summon the spells of XXX

By the grey spectre of —

 

 

RIGHTEOUS WAYS TO SPRUCE UP A SENTENCE:

(noun) + Utterly beyond human comprehension

Heed the …

Unversed in the ways of …

An Xxx which defies mortal calculation!

Thus it has ever been! Thus it shall ever be!

Peer behind the purple veil!

Enough!

Silence!

Your life will be forfeit!

Let the (amazing magical Noun) drive you from the sight of man!!

— is appalling to me!!

let no man XXX

behold!

— of mystery!

Stay your wrath!

XXX of darkness!

XXX is as nothing before me!!

My will must be done!

Strange tales

 

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