Tokyo Damage Report

BICYCLE ENGRISH

 

It sucks to be a tourist in Japan nowadays, because not only is the US dollar weak, but all the good trends — harajuku cosplay, goth loli, kogal — are over.

Here is what else is over: engrish t-shirts. Not like Japanese people suddenly got good at English, but shirts with English on ’em are not a trend now.

The biggest resivoir of Engrish is BICYCLE BRAND NAMES. At first i thought, OK, these are too crazy. Someone must have slapped a band-sticker on their bike to show support for that band. But then, like 10 feet away, I would see another bike, same model, with the same sticker. These are all real. Given that english shirts are out and band names don’t make sense even in America, bike names are basically the last holdout of preposterous, context-free English. The Aramo, so to speak.

 

 

 

 

"PATIO BOX NEW FASHION BICYCLE"

 

BEE FREAKS

CURLY PROPOSAL TO A NEW LIFE

 

GARDEN SHIP

 

ECOLOOP

ELLE.

yes, yes it is.

BODYSQUARE

FLAT GROWING.

think about it.

SHOGUN PRAIRIE BREAKER

 

who would win a race between the land slider. . . .

. . . and the proceeder?

SRINGS

YOU DON’T STOP.

PERPETUAL EX.

DARING BITEC

DEEPER WARNING

THE FEELING OF MOMENTARY STRAIN IS VERY MUCH STIMULATING:

SWEET LIB.

OPPOSSUM. wait, what is behind the opposum?

riiiiight! because it is orange! and a moon!

 

 

PRINK.

what kind of portmonteau is that? prank? pink? prick? plank?

that’s a lot of multi-valence for such a short word.

try this three times fast:

for a prank i made his pink prick walk the plank.

 

Hope you enjoyed this report! if you did, you know who to thank?

 

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