Tokyo Damage Report

Department H: muppet version.

mAY 3, 2008: DEPARTMENT H.

 

Department H (totally massive website HERE) is a monthly fetish party. It was gone for a while and now it’s back. It’s hosted by this dude named Margaret, who is one of the most advanced drag-queens in the city, and he introduces each performer with the battle-cry: "come on, gorgeous!!!!!!!!". The producer of Dept. H is the mysterious Go-ho Imaizumi, who is obsessed with Jack Kirby superhero art from the ’60s. Go-ho’s art-site (the straightforwardly-named "astro-bitch") is here.

So, anyway. Department H ("dePAcchi" to those in a hurry) is pretty open — straight, gay, sadist, masochist, voyeur, exhibitionist, men, women, undecided, whatever. Notwithstanding this ecumenical attitude, people are pretty aloof if you’re not Someone. On the other hand – not a lot of foriegners. Not to be racial. I’m just saying.

 

ok!

So the show started off with Margaret introducing the evening’s dragqueens:

the queens did their respective catwalks, and then Elmo and Cookie Monster came out suddenly:

Then they turned into sort of Tom of Finland versions of Elmo and Cookie Monster:

Margaret then made a speech. Confusing to me : the drag queens did not actually do any performances after all this buildup. They were just floating around. Also confusing : no one got drunk or caused any drama. Out of one, two, three. . . 8 queens?

On the left is the venerable avant-garde star Onan Spermaid , and the gentleman on the right is sporting a skintight latex bodysuit made specially for the Japanese holiday of Takenobori (when the Tokyo fish swim upstream to spawn) – his costume is covered with vynyl fish scales and emblazoned with traditional motifs of this holiday. As is his traditional gimp mask.


GENERAL STUFF GOING ON IN THE BACKGROUND:

 

They had a bunch of tables where people were selling naughty goods – stripper clothes, fetish books, tickets to other naughty events. There was also a separate table where a bunch of Otaku guys were gluing together custom Gandam models, which i thought was rad! They got to participate without having to deal with their crippling social anxiety. People in the audience seemed equally comfortable standing around or shoving things up their butts. There were naked jerking-off dudes in Lucha Libre masks that were quietly making the rounds. I guess you could call the behavior extreme but it was all done in a very low-key way. Not furtive or ashamed; more like "this is so commonplace, why would anyone even want to stop and stare?" No one seemed really drunk or hopped up on goofballs.

 


PERFORMANCES:

FIRST ACT: the lady pop singer and her two fly-girl dancers:

She used to play Department H years ago, with 5 backup dancers, and be called THE GAY 5IVE, but I guess the GAY 3REE formed a new faction. Perhaps there is beef? gay beef? beefcake? Who knows. Maybe all the songs were dissing the (hypothetical) GAY 3REE, but I can’t understand Japanese, so it will have to remain speculation.

SECOND ACT: catfight!!

This guy in the Divine-as-Cockroach costume is TAKAO NAKANO, the John Waters of Japan. He makes low-budget exploitation flicks featuring half-naked superhero women who have sort of pervy battles with rubber Ultraman monsters. here he is introducing the fighters.

His assistant: Cockroach Lady. You can’t really tell, but she has a Mexican Lucha Libre mask on under her roach helmet. fucking awesome.

 

Below, the referee: Mutant Tentacle Rape Boob Stripper Lady.

 

One of the wrestlers finally comes out: I think her name was Mutant Moth Wonder Woman Kind Of.

In an unsurprising turn of events, the cat-fighters (wonder woman and g-string lady) team up against the ref:

 

 

I have no idea what is even happening at this point. I was just trying not to get kicked in the face.

Here are the obligatory photos of japanese people taking pictures of boobies:

 

THIRD ACT:

This started out boring. Some guy in a collared shirt got on stage and began to tell a long story. Suddenly, from the back of the audotorium, the monster from his story suddenly came to life and started attacking the crowd!!!

above, the monster is abducting a woman from the audience. he dragged her up to the stage and tentacle-raped her for awhile.

You can see the tentacle there, to the right. a construction worker valliantly tried to save her, but the monster just ran away and attacked other audience members – a high school girl, a sleepy woman in pajamas, even a salaryman in a 3-piece suit!

Here he is tentacle-raping the prone salaryman while the highschool girl staggers off in dissaray.

Eventually he meets his match: a dude dressed as a giant-sized STD.

Never mind his 6 foot dong, note how he is covered in spots and veins.

 

The monster tries to run away from STD-guy but STD-guy eventually tackles him and reverse-tentacle-rapes him, which is a concept i am probably not explaining well but really don’t want to dwell on. After the reverse-tentacle-rape causes the creature’s demise, all the monster’s victims show their gratitude by wrestling with the giant penis and sort of massaging it.

FOURTH ACT: joynen

My god , she is still performing! She and her afroed backup singers have been doing every single department H for over 4 years, it seems like. I think I know one single person who is not tired of them. I figure, she must have something on Margaret, the Department H mc. Some blackmail thing. Maybe she caught him on tape having sex with a human female in the missionary style! Who can say? But it would certainly explain a lot.

 

ACT FIVE: ESS AND EMM.

Needles in the guy. The dominatrix was only halfway done with him when this photo was taken.

below, fuzzy horsey play.

they had a booth where people could do this:

 

then, around 5 AM, most of the drag queens and their entourages left, and the body-modification crowd sort of took over. The gentleman below is being suspended from hooks in his flesh. Also he has the japanese kanji for PUSSY written in Sharpie over his right nipple.

Dude spent a good 3 minutes dangling and swinging around.

 

The next guy was determined to upstage the first guy, though:

Homey had a series of metal studs poking out of his scalp, and tons of other metal things embedded in the flesh of his arms.

Not only did he dangle from the meathooks for 5 minutes, but my man was doing all this Tony Hawk shit that I couldn’t believe. Like he’d swing to the apogee and execute a 360 kickflip and shit.

 

 

For an encore, he was rasied like 30 feet up, and then lowered down. this girl grabbed him and he bore both their combined weight for a minute. fuck!

Still in all, i think the first guy was my favorite, for this reason: the SECOND he was disconnected from the meathooks, he took out his cellphone and started checking his mail. VIVA JAPAN!!!


 

IN BETWEEN THE PERFORMANCES, there was dancing.

 

 

 

That’s right, those are Ultraman monsters. What’s more, the ENTIRE EVENING, episodes of the Silver Surfer cartoon were being projected onto the screen. Where else can you see a dragqueen doing the boogaloo with a monster while Galactus watches??

The best thing about the monsters is that they came out one at a time, and didn’t acknowledge each other in any way. They just played it off like this was some totally ordinary shit, and there just so happened to be like 20 monsters chilling at the party.

 

 

 

This fine dude in the PVC was selling a book. The book was a tutorial on how to draw Boys’ Love manga. – basically it was pictures of dudes dry-humping, that chicks could trace over the pictures in order to make a comic book about Kirk having sex with Spock or whatever. You know I’m getting my copy.

Onan Spermaid again, different costume. . .

Silver Surfer, upside-down in the background, watching Elmo and Cookie have shennanigans.

above AND below: Takinobori-festival guy, Ultraman Monster, some naked, tied-up transsexual, the Silver Surfer kind of peeping (they should have been showing the Uatu The Watcher cartoon!) . . . and a lady in an inflatable Jim Woodring costume. – possibly the biggest shocker of the whole evening.

Eventually some regular female human strippers started getting into the act with titties and stuff, but by that time, they seemed so old-fashioned and tame, it was just kind of — huh? You’re still doing that? With your measly 2 human breasts? OK, if that’s what floats your boat.

 

Anyway, check the Department H site for details of the next party. Usually it’s at midnight on the first saturday of every month. Come in costume!

 

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  1. […] Zombie 3-D by Nakano Takao (“the John Waters of Japan,” according to this recommended browsing: http://www.hellodamage.com/top/2008/05/03/department-h-muppet-version), which with ultra-cheap ingenuity repeatedly resurrects the proscenium style of a hundred years […]

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