Tokyo Damage Report

2008 Kawasaki haloween parade



it was so fucked up. The whole thing was like an airline who overbooked the flight – a situation arranged by business suits in some fluorescent office, who decided to screw the regular street-level staff, the customers, and the bystanders all at once!

The parade went through the most crowded intersection in Kawasaki, and they didn’t shut down traffic! So you had spectators blocking shoppers, and vice versa, and security doing nothing but getting in everybody’s way, while solving no problems. The parade would stop for the traffic light , which was green for – i shit you not- 4 minutes. During which time people push you this way and that and rub up all over you. Then – to compensate for the lost time – they release the monsters into the intersection like horses out the starting gate, and herd them past you at a jogger’s pace! If you’re lucky and tall, you can get a picture of one or two , between the security people and the angry shoppers who are elbowing you out of the way so they can get a $10 pair of socks. Then another 4 minute pause. You’d think that all my experience taking pictures in the pit at hardcore shows would have given me an edge in this sort of environment, but I didn’t want to elbow a granny!

Below, see the crowds ? How thick they are? Every 10 seconds pedestrians trying to use the sidewalk, would elbow their way through the whole thing. The so-called security didn’t do anything useful like block off the peds and make ’em detour – all the security did was get in every damn photo we were taking. It’s not even their fault – the parade planners hadn’t got the authority to block the streets. Jesus, just do it on a baseball field somewhere. Have everyone walk in a circle.


Homegirl said that the (Japanese) spectators next to us were complaining that the sound trucks were so few, most of the parade was just people walking with no music, and they said that it was wack. OK, I guess music adds to the energy, but if the costume people got some responsibility to put on a fuckin’ show. They shouldn’t need a sound truck if they are in character. This is Tokyo : you see weirdos in costumes every damn day! But a parade is a chance to interact. It’s a performance! Get in peoples faces and scare them, and then give them candy. That is the Haloween way. Not only did most parade people not try to eat us, they didn’t even bring us candy. They just ignored us. WTF???

Below – this picture says it all. Look at the faces.

Below: a slightly more fun time.

Besides the "don’t stay in character, just walk around and not interact" rule, other cultural stuff: almost no kids, almost no sexy costumes, but a great deal of mix-and-match-different-monsters costumes.

Like below: Zombie Geisha (with red meat glued to her face!) And her friend, "Skull with a Samurai hairdo." Also in the picture: Loud Yelling Loudspeaker Guy That Thought He Was Such Hot Shit.

Seriously, fuck that guy. Jason Santa needs to cut his ass good.

Below, Anime babes.

. . . or maybe not.


There were less Jack Sparrows than last year’s parade but there was a definite increase in sexy pirate wenches.

Below, these are traditional masks called Kitsune (fox) – widely regarded as a supernatural animal – there is, of course, a fox yokai, but I’m not sure what her powers are.


Check out the Lucha Libre guy in the upper left hand corner. What’s his signature move?

Here’s another prienneal trend: gothic versions of various service-industry womens’ jobs:



Next year, there’ll probably be gothic real-estate ladies and blood-spattered elevator girls.


Below, some overly casual, go-to-work-with-a-sigh demons:


And more of same:


Also – another Pirate Wench. I do not lie!!!


Below, the mermaids from the lastest Studio Ghibli movie:

Below, my vote for the Scariest Costume of the parade:


Predator with what appears to be a huge boner. If that is intentional it is genius. If it’s accidental, that means that a) dude actually has a 2 foot dong, and b) he is turned on by Maid Predator, below:

Again, see what I mean about mix-and-match costumery?? I ain’t even showed you the picture of Nun Ultraman yet.


Above, this lady is what? Burlesque Grover? All dancing a can-can for a high-rolling Mr. Snufalupagus?

Below, these female-impersonator-impersonators do their thing every year:

There’s a lot of concept-based costumes compared to America.




Below: the second best costume: Anpanman. This guy actually made kids cry. I mean any dude in a ill demon or clown suit can make kids cry, but depicting a beloved children’s idol with his brains leaking is a stroke of master genius! The weird thing is – Anpanman is SUPPOSED to be eaten- that’s not the scary part. The scary part is seeing what that would be like in Real Life. (For those of you who don’t know, he’s the Japanese Mickey Mouse or Barney. He is also a christ-like figure whose head is made out of a dumpling. He saves those in trouble by letting them partake of his flesh)

Actually, any cartoon character in real life would be totally frightening, wouldn’t it? Those huge, impossible heads and goopy, watery eyes? All watching you, like silently pleading "Pleease kill meeee."


Below, more hot Asian schoolgirls:

And some kind of Naughty Stewardess.


That is noteworthy – besides this there are almost no "sexy version of a regular job done by a lady" costumes here. No batgirls, no playboy bunnies.

The other big trend: zombies!



Zombie geisha – that’s meat glued to her face.


























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