Tokyo Damage Report

Porn or not?

First let me state the obvious: America has lots of strange magazines too! We also have a magazine about an flying alien reporter who mates with human females, and one about a rich guy who lives alone with a teenage boy, who wears hotpants to fight crime. And these last two magazines sell a million copies every month! But obviously most Americans aren’t into those fetishes! And obviously most Japanese don’t enjoy the stuff in the magazines I’m about to show you, either. I come from America, the country that invented ‘KNOCKED UP AND PACKING’, the magazine about heavily armed naked pregnant women, so obviously I’m in no position to be mocking Japan for having ‘weird’ magazines. Nor am I ENDORSING the stuff in the Japanese magazines. I just think it’s INTERESTING, and I’m sure that you’ll find something interesting here as well.

 

Q: PORN OR NOT PORN?

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a: trick question. they’re ALL porn. from the magazine E-LOGIN. this magazine isn’t just about porn, it isn’t just about ANIME porn, it’s specifically about ‘choose your own adventure’-style interactive anime porn. apparently you have to win videogame battles in order to see the dirty pictures. I’m going to throw this magazine away. . . after all, if you’re REALLY such an enormous nerd that you’d buy such a game,why would you need naked lady pictures as a reward for videogame skill? shouldn’t the mere signt of pac-man give you arousal, you enormous nerd??


again, PORN OR NOT PORN?

(answers below)

1…

2. . .

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

8…

 

ANSWERS…

 1: NOT PORN… It’s the ‘ sunpex 2003 food factory clean wear’ catalog, ‘FOR THE HIGH STANDARD OF CLEANLINESS’

 

2: PORN . . . THESE medical supplies are from the ‘CEST BIEN’ catalog of S&M supplies.

‘MEN’S AND LADY’S ADULT SHOP’

3: PORN . . . from the G-MEN magazine. $16 new, but $1,25 from the homeless guy near the station. This one is pretty obvious actually, but i thought I’d include it anyway because of the wonderfully out-of-place gay pride caption!

4: NOT PORN . . . in fact, this is from a fashion magazine aimed at teenage girls! why sucking on a banana is fashionable i have no idea. EGG is the name of the magazine. but on the other hand, many men’s sex shops ALSO carry this magazine.

 

5: PORN. . . from IDOLOID, the robot sex magazine. a clue to the porn factor is the english caption in the upper right corner. . . ‘MAKING OF LOVE HOLE BY HOT PLATE.’

 

FOR more on the amazing idoloid, go to MAGAZINES WEBPAGE.

6: trick question . . . it’s just MORNING MUSUME again. So it’s teen pop music. But. . .you can find lots of their books and posters at used porno stores. And most of their fans are 40 year old men. Eye-of-the-beholder and all that.

7: NOT PORN . . . in fact it’s NOT some sick roadkill fetish. it’s ‘ART’ from FREAKOUT magazine, whose slogan is ‘HEAVY AND CRAZY BOYS AND GIRLS ONLY!" oh, and the series of roadkill postcards is called ‘BREATH BLASTER.’

8: NOT PORN . . . despite appearances, no one ever gets naked here, because it’s A FASHION LAYOUT from the TOKYO YAKUZA CHIZU. This is a magazine which teaches middle-school boys how to be a gangster, Japan-style. How irresponsible is that?? Notice they’re also selling gangster accessories at the bottom!


 

now, RATE YOURSELF:

1-2 correct answers: you have no knowledge of Japanese perversion. This means, you’re very healthy and moral, but you’re also ignorant of other cultures, and probably xenophobic too!

3-4 correct answers: you have a small knowledge. you’re not culturally insensitive, or realy perverted. you’re just MEDIOCRE, which is even worse!!

5-6 correct: congratulations! you are very PC for understanding other cultures so well. unfortunately you’re also a dirty, dirty pervert, and i can’t stand the sight of you!

7-8 correct: you are a pornographer. turn yourself in to the nearest Koban immidiately.

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