Tokyo Damage Report

Nicknames I gave to customers when I worked at the bagel store, S.F., 1997.

5/17

dangle-brow

$13.88 to the penny woman

gay jogging millionaires

swiss egg enthusiast

lighty-whitey

grunty guy #1

eyeliner timewarp

“daddy! Daddy! Now!!”

cosmo failure

not James Burke

snorkeling nubile

phat pharmer

junior japs

Ralph, the hesitant Pilipino

 

 

3/14/1997

 

dynasty chick

“frazzled-pads”

“short-pads”

crazy (brazilian catholic futbol) guy

vang da generous

tepid dude

khaki man

liberal mom

doe-eyed dennis cooper victim

frekles-n-flannel

moon-crag th’ lawyer man

evil cherman scientist

classic lesbian batterere

hotel mormon

the “fake reno”

poppa lobster beard

smiley prosac face

Doonesbury!

Nasal the nebbish

Flaky “self-employed” woman

The blonde

Bitter ex-model cheekbone chick

x-tra frumpy-n-grumpy

goatee foul

nice lady

alpha male

natty brit and the “wee lassie”

plain jane

tousled tommy tonsure

mabelyne mom

anchor-jaw

“hikey”

“the extras”

hi-plains bulldagger

swimmin’ hole mama

mayflower lady

frumpy redux

menopausal mom

jean-cleaude, the really obvious dope smuggler

“polack”

frizzy-friz

butch mom

aerobics nazi and the ubertot

perm foul

redundant mom

uptite overbite

tourist dwarf

white girl

redundant housewife

klutzy quaker

the “100 th yuppie”

illegal cliche nanny

20-going-on-40

“cosmo-schnozz”

cookie granny

acne-cleaveage

yoo-yoo fuzz

jowly impressionist

sicillian pornstar

 

3/16

 

hans mole-woman

bubbilicious & flattop

Malibu Barbie and ken

Beard-boy

megaWASP

c.r. twins

“what’s the point?”

nice lady

unable-to-relax-even-on-a-goddamn-Sunday

not Indiana jones

happy tipper gore

relaxed moustache

generic hiker

pencil-neck

Vishnu mullet

Average joe

Lip man the lip-man-man

Mayflower forehead

Choo-choo

Professor gnarly

Senor stubble

Alvin and the mullets

Soviet breakaway granny

Guilty zit-chin

Midget tony the mafia ranger

Mediterranian clown-hair

Joe college

Special-olympics face

Other white girl

Incredulous couple

Space-out kraut

The receder

Aerobics “instructor”

Fido dido

White boy

Squinty

Mr. Pink

Short people with a reason

Joe trust fun

Librarian

The eastern block (group of 4)

Mo’ yups

Greasy nubiles

The night stalker

Flemings 1+2

 

ANOTHER DAY

Ol’ snippy

El dorko

Li’l polite soccer player

Le ditz

The denim kid

The mousiest couple

Horsey

Circuit city guy

Generic white peole

Jamie lee curtis

Connie munchkin

Phyllis diller

Beard-boy

The nice yuppie

Nuclear family

“Cheryl”

Buddhist loser

All frankenphildrum

Pointy the congenial lumberjack

Sing-along-with-the-beatles dong

Arctic grunter and the invisibile wife

Sausage neck

Short-ncurly

Macho yuppie

First dumpy asian

Babe-nose

Poodle violator

Wegman-chick

x-treme prep

weepy

shades

the most generic woman

jacket-violator

smiley-retired prosax face

jogger

whitey

odwalla line cutter

not chrissie hynde

lipscik lesbian

generic chick

goatee guy

not fatty Arbuckle

kato and the dane

erma bombeck

Julia child

Neckless nerd

Polo queen

Leslie, the overweight Filipina

Chirpy

 

 

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