Tokyo Damage Report

random weird photos from around the way

here i am trying to thump my futon with the futon-thumping-broom and this guy was all like "fuck that! I’m lurking here!"

But in all seriousness, here is the BEST SPAM I EVER GOT:

remember, friends, this is unsolicited testimony. TDR worked for mr. Vong, and it can work for you too!

 

below, random slotmachine tokens stuck in a lane divider in a busy shinjuku street:

below, dude sleeping on my street. Note his poor technique. this is not the way to lead a life.

compare that to THIS guy who has his shit down PAT. note how he is just perfectly fitting in a doorway that he is not even conscious of. he is paying attention to the composition of his artwork, and his shoes and briefcase arranged just so. this is what separates a real ateur of public disgrace from an amateur.

it goes without saying that in my country both of these guys would be dead, tasered or both.

finally, here is a poster in the bathroom of a fast-food restaraunt:

fucking zen in your fucking face, motherfucker!!! you weren’t expecting some fucking satori with your beef noodles were you? i didn’t think so, bitch!!!!

Below, one of the scariest things in Kabukicho!

a parking lot!

A parking lot the size of a football field, in one of the most crowded neighborhoods in Tokyo, that nobody is parked at, on a weekend night. Scary! What’s more – given the same amount of space, the landlord could have built like 30 hostess clubs, which would make a million dollars a year each. And yet it’s a cheap parking lot no one uses. hell no the Yakuza doesn’t like to lose $30mil a year. . . You know there was some kind of gang war over that. Some Nigerian strip club tout was all hailing me while i was taking this picture. I asked him what was the deal – he said that there used to be some really expensive apartments here but they got torn down 2 years ago (if i remember correctly). He added that the parking lot (and maybe the apartment buyout as well?) was subsidized by the city government. (possibly as part of the mayor’s ongoing Kabukicho cleanup campaign). But still – who knows what horrible things will happen if you park there.

 

 

 

also, spotted recently in Shibuya:

Hal 9000!

Finally – you haven’t seen the last of this:

 

PERSONAL NEWS:

current belt: LUCHA LIBRE!

current beard:

bifurcated!

 

 

 

 

 

 

below – a fishmonger’s in Ueno was throwing out this perfectly good collage of fish-tails:

below: a rust texture caused by water runnoff, that looks like an Effin’ Rothko!

Above: my sensitive side.

Also, shaaaaved pussy.

 

JUNE RANDOM PHOTO ROUNDUP:

first off, advertisement on the subway:

"the black is plucked out swiftly!" . . . "wow!"

These smiling little guys? her zits! (The black strip is a piece of sticky tape that goes over your nose)


 

remember how Christians said that credit cards and shit were the number of the beast? They were right! Now stand still while we brand this bar-code into your flesh. . .


see, even the strays are getting all demonically posessed. . .

 

 


 

solitary Pachinko ball in the middle of the street, Shinjuku

 


Funky’s hot dog Station.

 

 

below: a bad traffic accident?


Amazon saliva, the band.

"WE EAT SAME ALL SHITS!"


medical powders one can mix with one’s drink.

on the left: "singing-on-key cure!" "chocolate flavor." mix it with your drink in the club. . .

The Salariman is saying, "with this, my karaoke is perfect! i will be pre-eminent in my karaoke group!"

on the right: "onnnasukitome-ru E" ("type E playboy stopper") the subtext reads, "the ingredients in here will control the bad habits." Ladies, slip this in your man’s drink to keep him from checking out other broads. Also chocolate.


 

Below, SAYONARA.

 

after 5 years of service, and 100 discount, bargain-bin pornos of middle-aged women licking the camera lens, the Hello Kitty VCR finally gave up. It’s now living on the farm upstate with Uncle Ernie.

 

below: the new tattoo.

can we zoom in on that?

On the left side:

EXTERMINATE THE EMPEROR!!!

(tennou bokumetsu)

on the right:

I LOVE KITTY-KATS!!

(neko daisuke)

 


what is this?

WONDER BREAD.

packaged like TOFU.

no crust. just spongy cubes of vat-grown bread material.

the caption reads: HIGHLY REFINED! the deliciousness is second to none.

 


finally, BANANA STREET

Banana street is a segment which infrequently occurs on the comedy show LINCOLN. The threataning , leering, and socially awkward manner of Bizarro Bert and Bizarro Ernie is not some cultural misunderstanding, it is deliberate.

watch the whole thing here:

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=ulHWeJaJArQ

 

 

 

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. Doug March 11th, 2009 7:02 am

    Oh how I love your pictures! Full of funky Japanese stuff that never fails to amaze me!

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