Tokyo Damage Report

I’m trying out for a job at fox news!!!


OK!
So, Americans are very upset about gay marriage. But I’ve discovered something even more sinful- a shocking combination of incest, child molestation, fisting, and even skull-fucking. Something so disgusting and perverse that even though it’s all around us, we don’t allow ourselves to notice it or fight back . I’m speaking, of course, of childbirth.


 Sure the Bible says sodomy is bad, but it also denounces incest (Leviticus 18:6-18). And yet when a baby comes out of a mommy, his little penis comes out of her huge vagina. And that’s the best-case scenario. If it’s a girl baby (daughter), it’s homosexual incest which is double-sin. And on top of that, the fists go through the vagina as well. The worst part is that the skull also goes out.  That’s skull-fucking! If you made a video of that, you’d be put into jail. Think about this next time you see a woman that has had kids: she has had a human skull pumping out of her vagina. Brittany? Skull fucked! Madonna??? Skull fucked!! Michelle Obama?? Double Skull fucked! The Pope? Ass fucked, which is not half as bad, if you think about it!! First they legalize abortion, now this! What will these liberal-humanist, athiest, socialist liberals think of next???????

 

Maybe this is why America is such a sinful nation, full of foul language, violent video games, obesity, dope, and booty-girls in videos with pit-bull faces: everyone in this country had already been forced into the most terrible, un-natural, painful and disgusting sex acts before we were even a year old! No wonder this country of ours is going down the tubes.

 

Now, some reformers might say that doing a caesarian section during birth would eliminate these problems, but these are the same people who want to clone sheep, stem-cell research, and teach evolution in school. Science should not play God, that’s what God is for. And God was quite clear on His feelings about skull-fucking.

 

Therefore, the only way to preserve decency and democracy is to outlaw childbirth, which is one of the most horrible acts of child-abuse. Marriage between a man and a female man (woman) has historically led to childbirth – all you have to do is look around! Out of all the people you see, how many were born to married parents? Almost all! It’s sick, sick, sick. So, unless the groom (or the she-groom AKA bride) can show some medical proof of impotence, heterosexual marriage should be not allowed, for the good of country and USA.

 

But if nobody gets married, then everyone will be running around having pre-marital sex, which – assuming it’s not full of fisting, incest and skull-fucking – is an improvement over childbirth, but still not really something that we as a nation can be proud of.  And yet – what if the non-married woman gives birth?  As the Lord works, He made it possible for women’s vaginas to open up, pretty much any time, and spit out babies even if they do not have a ring on their finger (the left one). Why? Who knows, but that’s how He did it, and so if we outlaw heterosexual marriage, we run a risk of not only having child-births but out-of-wedlock births: a whole nation over-run with skull-fucked bastards. This is not what our founding fathers were foundating out nation upon the principle of, in the house!!!

The only solution that I can see is to make gay marriage not only legal but compulsory. That is still against Christian morality (cf. Leviticus 43:4), but at least that gets us down to one sin at a time. And, as a bonus, it would eliminate the scourge of placenta-fucking for once and for all.

 

Furthermore, west siiiiiiiiiiide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11 comments Tags: ,

11 Comments so far

  1. Baka_toroi April 15th, 2009 7:07 pm

    Absolute genius. And crazy at the same time, of course. Well done.

  2. TRex April 16th, 2009 12:00 am

    A womans hoo ha will never look the same to me now.

  3. zoop April 16th, 2009 12:11 am

    uh oh…looks like someone is on their anti-American rant again. been too long in japan?

  4. admin April 16th, 2009 6:28 am

    @ zoop: too long in japan? Huh? what does that even mean?

  5. Hugh Codding April 16th, 2009 7:57 am

    Excellent! But don’t just stop at fisting, skull fuckery, or incest. You don’t just have the foot sticking in there, but the whole damn leg! and not only that, but TWO! Foot fetishist unite!

    I think your rant would have been an excellent cornerstone for the argument in California’s last election to pass Prop 8.

    Keep up the good work.

  6. 23 Wolves April 18th, 2009 7:37 am

    Haha, I’m, “too long” in Japan every time I go there, if you know what I mean. Also, I thought that you really WERE getting a job at Fox News. Way to flip it on me!

  7. Ballhammer April 22nd, 2009 7:23 pm

    Hey schultz, just curious, do you know of any fetish bars in Japan that cater to people with a liking of gas masks? I’m planning a trip to Shinjuku and am keen to find out more.

  8. admin April 23rd, 2009 5:11 am

    You got me! You can get gas mask DVDs at Fetish World in Akihabara, maybe the staff knows about events.
    Also try the schedule of Loft Plus One.

  9. Ballhammer April 23rd, 2009 7:32 am

    Heya..
    thanks! What’s the URL of loft plus one?

    I only found 1 gas mask dvd in the whole of fetish world last year! I gotta dig harder!

  10. admin April 24th, 2009 7:22 pm

    The URL of loft plus one? Lemme check, . . .oh yeah, it’s http://www.google.com
    Smartass.

  11. Tito April 25th, 2009 6:29 am

    He he. No, here’s the real URL for loft plus one:
    http://lmgtfy.com/?q=loft+plus+one

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