Tokyo Damage Report

late summer ENGRISH

 FIrst of all – welcome to the magical musical world of DICK MINE.

 

DICK MINE (ディック 三根) was a pop singer of the 1930s. You can find more videos HERE.

Cole Porter was always trying to hang around the dude. Anyway, next.

 

above, a banner: THIS MONTH IS ‘ANTI-ILLEGAL-IMMIGRANT-LABORERS-COUNTERMEASURES-MONTH in 3-foot-high letters.

The banner was in Shinagawa station, right next to the only immigration office in the whole city.

Basically if you want to go to the immigration office you have to pass under it.

 

 Above, my toilet cleaner. The name? SHAT.(sha-to).

below: EXTEME FLAVOR PRINGLES.

The extreme flavor? Extra Pepper. This is one of those things that I thought was unbelivably funny at 2 AM while drunk in the 7-11.

It is also a member of the far, far smaller category of things that i STILL thought were funny the next day, so I bought it.

Below, a Japanese garage:

 

 Also, that is the WHOLE BUILDING. The whole building is the width of a van. That shit to the left of the van? A different building.

Think about this.

Below: lanterns at the Obon Matsuri (festival of the dead) @ Yasukuni. No punchline.

 Wait, i take it back: the punchline is MY AMAZING GENIUS USE OF PERSPECTIVE.

 

 

 Below: another great moment in Japanese packaging:

One macdonald’s hash-brown. Not only is it the size of a typical fat american’s thumb, but it comes with no less than FOUR layers of packaging:

the bag, napkin, talent-show-advertisement-cum-placemat, and the tray itself. And that’s 店内 (eat in the store). If I had gotten homey 持ち帰り (take-out), I bet I could have got 4 plastic bags and a disposable umbrella in the shape of  Astroboy’s placenta.

 Below:

 For fun, try googling "ass japan" and see where it gets you.

 

 Above, Dance Studio Soul – it’s funny because the character on the front of the "soul train" is the kanji for "soul."

 

So who teaches at soul dance?

Aww yeaaaah, ladies!

Mr. Yu-ki teaches battle dancing. But what if i want to LOSE a battle ? Can studio soul train help me?

 

That’s right. Thanks, sensei!

As if that’s not enough oddity from one establishment, check the telephone number:

 

 DEEEYAMN. Call 666 for your wack dancing needs.

IN YOUR FACE!

 

Below, tell me if this sign exists anywhere else but the land of loudspeakers telling you when to get off an escalator (AKA the land of posters warning you of the dangers of keeping your backpack on in the train) (AKA the land where everyone is treated as if they were 8):

Oddly, this was right next to a sign reading アアアアアアアアアアアアア!!!ご注意!自然!サッサと日本の面をコンクリットしろ!

(AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH NATURE!!!!!!!  QUICKLY, ENCASE ABSOULTELY EVERYTHING IN FERROCONCRETE! )

 

Below, a sign in Sugamo:

 I’m not sure this is actually an Engrish mistake.  It might actually be referring to a bro who is a bad influence.

Like some guy with a stubby red tail and Oakley shades who is always telling you to do the extra shooter and hit on the chick who you’re both pretty sure is, like, totally a fuckin’ dude.

Below, also in Sugamo:

 Besides the amusing text, the art is what it looks like when Japanese make fun of Western comic drawing styles.

above: indian chief place. Punchline: spotted ad Indian restaraunt. (you can see the sanskrit lettering above!)

 

 below, something that sounds way dirtier than it is, but I’ll be dammned if I can say why:

 below: yes.

 below: yes.

 I don’t know if this helps or just makes it worse, but SLOB: oxidized sophistication is a silver-smithing custom-jewelry store.

below, baby clothes:

 

 

 below: ambiguous graffitti.

 I think this dude’s tag was meant to function as a sort of verbal Rorschach test.

When you hear FUDE, what is the first thing that comes to mind?

food? rude? dude? fuck? It’s rude to fuck a dude in his food???

below, the best fusion restaraunt in town:

 and of course:

 

8 comments Tags: , ,

8 Comments so far

  1. Ryan August 15th, 2009 1:16 am

    Caution: Crows!??? I mean, how dangerous can they be? Is that part of Japan like a scene out of the Hitchcock movie or something? I just have visions that there’s masses of the damn things lining the fences on either side of the roads, all them watching you with their beady eyes, just waiting to pounce. Oh. dear. me.

  2. Colin August 15th, 2009 4:04 pm

    Great photos esp. the Mc Donalds one! Brilliant!

  3. Brian August 15th, 2009 4:42 pm

    Yo, that comic one in Sugamo is on my walk to work, and that shit is totally off the main road. Thats some serious wandering youve been into!

  4. admin August 16th, 2009 1:52 am

    @brian: I went to Sugamo to check out the old people fashions, as made famous by Tokyo Graffitti magazine – they do a “street snap Sugamo” which is like Fruits or Egg but for the wizened.
    @ colin : thanks!
    @ryan: crows aren’t dangerous. that’s why my rant about how infantilizing the population is a cultural trait of japan.

  5. Jeff August 16th, 2009 12:02 pm

    Hmmm maybe the graffiti is supposed to be ふで (writing brush).

  6. matt August 18th, 2009 7:38 am

    wait… how do they get in and out of the van?

  7. Lina August 21st, 2009 1:19 pm

    I was wondering about getting in and out of the van too. Or bed. They must have bunk beds.

  8. ZeVen September 5th, 2009 6:32 pm

    “Its rude to fuck with a dudes food”
    Sounds good…Whatcha think?

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