Tokyo Damage Report


OK, a new idea for parents and children in the future:

You know how you can put ‘skins’ on your avatars or videogame characters?
I think people want to see what their infants look like with CELEBRITY SKINS. I’m talking about putting the babies in little tights with the creepy white dots at all the joints, and then adults wearing goggles that record the baby’s motions and superimpose a virtual skin on it, all ‘avatar’ style. You could buy any celebrity’s likeness from a Chinese guy. So it wouldn’t be YOUR baby all pissing on your rug, it would be Vin Diesel. It wouldn’t be YOUR kid who vomits spaghetti on Grandma, it’s Beyonce vomiting spaghetti on Grandma. Who wouldn’t want that to happen???
There’s no question that this would be a huge hit. The only question in my mind is, would it lead to people spoiling their infants too much (because it’s so CUTE when Angelina Joile smears her boogers on the walls, who could say no to Angelina?) , or would it lead to an increase in abuse or neglect (because it’s so FUN to watch Newt Gingritch trip on a Hot Wheel and bawl uncontrollably until he passes out from dehydration)?



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2 Comments so far

  1. Dawn Lubka February 17th, 2010 10:14 pm

    I get dibs on a Giovanni Ribisi baby! I could wipe drool off his dreamy sexy/ugly face all day every day!

    Off the topic, could you please send me your stupid email address? I just wrote this stupid long email to you at your old email address begging for your matchmaking services (kidding, you gotta read the email.) But seriously, don’t make me get out my mad google-searching skills on your ass, just so that you can be amused by the email of a babbling train wreck such as me.

    I’m moving to your neck of the woods and fully expect the Welcome Wagon to be graciously waiting for me with fresh blueberry muffins.

    It’s the very least you can do for a pacifist American joining the War Machine (AKA US Navy) to help pad the wallets of Bush family members and their Dubai investing friends everywhere.

    Also, I might as well make a plea to your readers while I am it, that I would really like to cyber-ly meet people living near the military bases at Yokosuka (or maybe Okinawa?) before I make a permanent decision regarding relocation.

    So feel free to write me, one and all! I am an equal-opportunity obnoxious yet intelligent friend maker.

    Toodles from MN!

    -Dawn B. K. Lubka

  2. Jeroen February 18th, 2010 10:48 am

    “Baby Augmented Reality Feature” (B.A.R.F.) -Goggles will be the first crude implementation but will soon be replaced by lenses. Eventually, B.A.R.F. optical “reality corrections” will be available as permanent laser surgery. No matter how fugly your babies, they will always look good (to you). No wait… this is alreayd the case in current reality!

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