Tokyo Damage Report

mp3 post: Puny Humans

 

 

 

 


 


Download the whole thing here.

Buy the CD @ the Aquarius Records site (search for Schultz, you'll find it!)


 

 

ARTIST: THE PUNY HUMANS

ALBUM : NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND OUR GENIOUS (sic)

YEAR: 2002

PERSONNEL: Kocol and Schultz

After we finished the Stalin Claus rock opera, me and Kocol continued to work together as a two-piece progressive rock band called Puny Humans.  Perhaps progressive rock is a bit misleading of a label. It was a mix of 50% Big Lebowski references and 50% musical humor (not the Weird Al kind; I mean, jokes only musicians would find funny).

Generally speaking, I would have some sort of overall plan in mind – meaning a series of rhythms, moods, textures, etc. – deliberately arranged for maximum dynamic fun: riffs should either build nicely from previous riffs, or they should be something absurdly different, but either way it's intentional. Then I'd lean over the drum kit and yell at Kocol, "Hey, the next part should be a really syncopated, death-metal version of that intro folk riff, but a poly-rhythm this time. So make up something that sounds like that!"
And Kocol would somehow pull that riff out of his ass!
And I would say, 'ok, but in a flat.'
Then we'd spend 3 hours practicing the song, record it, and then forget how to play it.

And then repeat this whole process several times a day. 

This frenzied pace was due to the fact that we were practising at my Mom's house, and we had to be all done progging by the time she got back from vacation.

 

THE PACKAGING:

The front cover was shot in the Berkeley Hills in full costume! The picture depicts us being in the middle of a occult Satannic ritual, when Kocol has to take this call "real quick."  The album title is also a bit of a problem.

The middle .jpg (depicting Donny, Walter, and El Duderino as members of Immortal) originally appeared on the back cover of the CD.

The CD artwork depicts Kocol's real-life bowling ball. The blood is fake but the MANSIR engraved in the orb is for real, holmes. The CD hole is where the thumb goes in. 

INSTRUMENTATION:

Steven Schultz plays Vocals, drums, Roland XP30 synthesyzer, turntables, a little bit of guitar, the 60hz hum, the tin kazoo, the I-can't-believe-they're-not-windchimes, the harm-onica, the grindcore clown-horns (both of them) and samples

Jason Kocol plays Heavy-metal guitar, wacky fretless guitar, vocals, the Kurzweil K2000 synthesyzer, the Korg AX1000G, bass, the plastic kazoo, the 'virtual glockenspiel', the mandolin (with whammy bar), the accordion (also with whammy bar), and the whistle

Kocol recorded WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING and YOU BELONG TO THE SEWER.


 

SONG NOTES AND LYRICS

 

 


 

INTRO (0:42)
by T. Iommi, O. Ozbourne, G. Butler, S. Schultz & B. Ward

 

 

 

In mid-2001, we both became obsessed with the riff from 'war pigs.' Duh-NUH. . . .(pause…) NUH! NUH! NUHHHHHHH-nuh!!!!!!! (dee-DOOP)

Yeah.

Then we started thinking of different musical quotations to put in the pause/drumfill section. Our ambitions for 'the pause' became more and more grandiose, as we realized the pause was what MAKES THE RIFF SO GREAT. Eventually we (meaning schultz) had the bright fucking idea to put THE ENTIRE ALBUM inside the riff-pause. The ultimate tribute.

 


THORAX, HO! (3:59)
by PUNY HUMANS

After the AMINO ASSHOLES debacle (you know, where Schultz's 20 minute long arrangement of the 'Meow Mix' theme was rehearsed for 10 minutes right before the show, the video camera failed to document the performance, and yeah, only 2 people showed up), Kocol decided that it would be a "great idea" to not let the most horrible guitar tone EVER CREATED BY ANYONE to not go to waste…This particular tone was created for the AMINO ASSHOLES project, and it's fuckedosity, as it were, was comprised of the following variables: 40% pitch-shifting (not quite in tune enough to be up a full octave), 40% flange (where the flange alters the pitch of EVERYTHING not quite ½ step +/- the original tone), and 20% distortion (EQ-ed specifically to tear holes through ones eardrums). This whole song was composed around the sonic monstrosity…oh yeah, and there's glockenspiel, too.

Schultz adds, "it's important to note that an integral component of THE SOUND is Jason's utterly beatific facial expression and crucified posture throughout the whole song."

 



LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA BULL SHIT WALTER: (4:25)

lyrics by Ethan & Joel Cohen, music by PUNY HUMANS

This is not 'Nam
This is bowling
There are rules.

You've stepped over the line

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la
Bullshit, walter.

La la la la lala

Mark it eight.

This is a league game
It determines who enters the next round robin
Am I wrong?

Yeah but I wasn't over, dude~
Give me the marker I'll mark it eight

Smokey, my friend, if you mark it eight
You are entering a world of pain

So I see you've rolled your way into the semis-la
Dios mio (lalalalalala) man
Me and Liam are gonna fuck you up

Well you know that's like
Your opinion, man.


DEICIDE, AT THEIR MOM'S HOUSE (2:51)
Composed by J. Kocol


EAUUGH GLIH NAHHWWWW!! (3:26)
composed by J. Kocol

Because that is what thrash vocals sound like.

Le gi dee dah, diih gih duh DEE GUEHH!
Dih buh guh, doo buh daay
Doo buh geeh, doo buh geuuh baay
Deoow butts, guh-WWWEHHHH

(CHORUS)
Do boe meets uh bugguh
Spa deedle-um Deeh
Doe rii yuh diggy
Zuh DOOOW
Dah bantz, ZUH DUH BEOOOWWWHH!

Dee-guh-moo dowts, dee-guh-mooh XXXEUUWW
Moe butts gaww-guh gehhhh
Ko-buuts dantz uh, uhh buhh ehhh
Tie to tahh, uh ball-eww wayyyyyyyyyy

(CHORUS)
Lie doh gee-day
So dee-jee-dee… XXAWWWYY
Yo Bronz eeah boogah
Do DAW ea-chaw BRAY YUHH BEH JUHH

(ad lib)

daeuh yuh dahntz duh uh WEEEUHHH
oh see die yuh lunz uh lleeehhhh, ha ha ha!
Kibble die teww….. frew…., wuhh
Jie say yall, uh , chor seuhhh. . . YA-ZAAAAA

Heh-heh-heh

Wow!!

Deh-boo-buh eel oh a- way
Doh buh zaiee suh pressurrr
Ooh buh gun, tieee zuh ki-shaiee
EUHHHHHH!!!!!!

(chorus)

Lie doh gee-day
So dee-jee-dee… XXAWWWYY
Yo Bronz eeah boogah
Do DAW ea-chaw

BEE-ZOO
RIIH!
ZyUHH!!
EEHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


"HEY, THERE'S ALWAYS URINE!" (0:48)
Composed by Schultz



SWEEP-PICKING THE FLUGELHORNS. . . . (8:17)

individual parts written by J. Kocol, to fit an arrangement written by Schultz

S: Duh-doo dah, duh-doo-dah

J: I like that!!

S: you like how it goes duh-doo-dah, duh-doo=-dah?

J (chiming in) duh-doo-dah, duh-doo-dah. Yeah, that's brilliant, it'll sound really good with the Kenny G solo over it.

S: we can add that right at bar 187, and then 4 bars later, bring in the French horn section…

J: we said no French horns!!!

S: ok, flugelhorns, but they have to be sweep-picking!

J: and then put a whammy bar on them and have them do a dive bomb right….. here!

S: ok,cool, Then we hire the Boston Philharmonic to play some riffs at bar 211…

J: . . . and we run it through my Kaoss Pad until it sounds like Jun-Jun-Jun…

S: the what??

J: and like, the Rock just jumps in the ring at bar 248 and lifts the whole fuckin' orchestra up, to prove that you can't mess with the rock!!

S: . . . but he's just bitmapped,….

J: totally lo-res!!!

S: and so the orchestra just gets like totally glissando on his ass,

J; of course we'll be mikng the rock's pectorals throughout the whole project.

S: Yeah, and can we modulate them into the Lydian mode…. Or I should say myxolidan???

J; sure!! Plus I've got a sweat sample of his. I think you'll find it most useful.

S: does it sounds like dah-doo-dah, dah-doo-dahhhh….??

J: and then we can take the whole thing and then EQ it so it sounds more gay-positive!!

S: So we do the gay-postive eq for 4 bars, and then we can have dj qubert throw on some house beats

J; witty witty witty, yeah, some house beats.

S: and have the castanet section double him!!

J: I specifically said NO castanets on this one,

S: but these guys are already on the payroll!! They're just sitting in the lounge, making union wages! They have to do SOMETHING!!!

J: castanets make my Kaoss Pad malfunction. . . .

S: what if the castanet section dresses up as solid gold dancers, and start fellating the rock. . . .

J: what?

S:.. . . in MONO!!!

J; will they have tanks??

S: I think there's a Luge in the hangar they can ride in on,. . .in MONO!!

J" I heard coolio has expressed some interest. Not coolio himself, but his hair,

S: his braids?

J: yeah, the braids themselves want to co-host the special. So they can bust a freestyle like right after the chorus girls finish going da-doo-dah, da d00 dah, da doo….

S: then we take the freestyle and filter it so it's in Esperanto!! I love it!!!

J: do dah, da doo dah…

S: Then we take everyone-the orchestra, the rock, the dj, the castanet section, the heavy metal mandolin, and we arpeggiate them so they're like… all on a submarine!!!

J is that after we put the ricky martin effect on the whole thing?

S: no, we add the latin flava during mixdown, at the same time we add the 60 hertz hum over everything. The submarine comes in at measure 459.

J: Wow, then I can-I can use my submarine flange, it's wicked…

S: yeah, we put on the flange,, and also compression. . . compress the entire sub to… like… 5 decibels, killing everyone instantly,,

J: good Christ!!

S…. and escape out the side hatch, in our own little bathyscaph,

J; and the bathyscaph modulates to D!!!!!

J&S:: and that's the finale!!!!!

S: excellent.


THESE WOULD BE THE 'HOUSE BEATS' YOU SPOKE OF (0:11)
Composed by Schultz


YOU BELONG TO THE SEWER (5:56)
Music by G. Frey and Tempchin. Lyrics by Schultz, except 'after several wipes' gag, contributed by Kocol

 

When Gilman Street (the East Bay punk club) had it's 15th anniversary, they decided to commemorate the event with a video: a camera's-eye-view of the Gilman sewer line. A 60 foot fiber-optic cable operated by a Germano-american technician named Hyko was inserted down the toilet. We were assigned the awesome responsibility of designing a soundtrack for this video. Rather than take the 'easy way out' and compose original music, we found it necessary to 'hell of jack' an old Don Henley tune. Or Glen Frey. Or whoever. I mean, both those guys are ex-members of that old Gilman Street band.


Oh, and can I mention the video was shot on 9/11? (you can hear Hyko saying 'bombing day' at the end of the song)

In order to capture the true nausea of the Fantastic Voyage down the poop-chute (in musical form), each synthesized track was randomly pitch-shifted to varying degrees throughout the entire recording, back and forth, back and forth, back and….. EUHHHHHHHHLLLLLPPPP…

 

The pants come down
The log rolls in
You can feel it starting
All over again
The moon swells up
And the grindcore calls
You're getting tired of sitting in
The same old stall
You go out of the bowl
And under the street
Moving through the tube
In the midnight heat
Some unevenness here so give up hope
Standing water caused by a negative slope

Nobody knows where you're going
Nobody cares where you been

You belong to the sewer
You belong to the pipes
Living in a river of darkness
After several wipes

You were born in the bowl
Porcelain under your feet
It's in your colon, it's in your stool
You're from Gilman Street

Oi!
Oi!
Oi oi oi!

When you said goodbye
You were on the runs
Trying to get away from the things you'd done
Now you're back again, I don't mean to be dissin'
But there's a hairline crack in the nine o'clock position

Still don't know where you're going
Still just a lateral deposit

Oi!
Oi!
Oi oi oi!

Oi!
Oi!
Oi oi oi!

Oi!
Oi!
Oi oi oi!

Oi!
Oi!
Yea- B-oii!


THEME FROM 'PUNY HUMAN$' (5:28)
Composed by Kocol

PU! NY! HU! MANS!!
PU! NY! HU! MANS!!
PU! NY! HU! MANS!!
PU! NY! HU! MANS!!


WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING?: (2:32)
lyrics by Schultz, music by Kocol, under the strict guidance of David Bowie


In 1997, David Bowie had a contest. He was very excited about 'the internet' that he'd just discovered, and decided to have his fans submit lyrics to a song he'd recorded. Wow, interactive!! The winner would have the honor of meeting Mr. Bowie and, presumably, stabbing him with a rusty tire iron. Bowie provided (via this 'internet' thing) the meter and length of the verses, and the title: 'what's really happening?' I'm really sorry I didn't think to save the other entries in this contest, most of which were just AMAZING. But lame. 'my baby left me…' what kind of shit is that?? I mean, 'what's really happening to me?' is obviously an EPISTOMOLOGICAL QUANDRY, and Schultz took pen in hand to solve the relation of perception to reality and the meaning of existence in an unknown and unknowable world, in 12 lines.

It lost.


My philosophical position is that of ardent slolipsism
A universe confined to sense-impressions in my mind
I create reality and when I blink you cease to be
But I'll never know empirically
What's really happening to me

It's not easy being supreme, I'm paranoid it's all a dream
Divinity I'd relinquish, if only I could distinguish
What's really happening to me

A narcissustic frame of mind results from this paradigm
But if I abuse, don't grow indignant, recall you're just a figment!

What's really happening to me?


"OH, A FLESH-EATING VIRUS…" (1:36)
composed by Schultz


HOLY DRIVER (3:17)
lyrics by Ethan & Joel Cohen, individual parts written by J. Kocol, to fit an arrangement written by Schultz

Man come on
I had
A rough night
And
I
Hate the fuckin' eagles

Man


WOULDJA LOOK AT THE ASS ON THAT MUMMY? (3:20)
individual parts written by J. Kocol, to fit an arrangement written by Schultz


OUTRO (0:33)
by T. Iommi, O. Ozbourne, G. Butler, B. Ward & S. Schultz



APPENDIX . . . . A TIMELINE:

All songs written and recorded between Jan 2001 and February 2002. for those of you with no jobs and/or lovers to occupy your time, (or those of you who would simply PREFER to have no jobs and/or lovers, which we can also arrange for you, click HERE), we present an in-depth timeline for the creation of the album:

Jan 2001 (at Grandma's house…) we compose our first songs…

Wouldja look at the ass on that Mummy?
"Thorax, HO!"
Decide at their Mom's house

Sometime in February: Schultz comes up with the name.

May 14-15, at Schultz's Family Mansion in Santa Rosa we have our first recording session, and compose the following tunes:

Sweep-picking the flugelhorns . . .
Eaughh Glih NAHHWWWW!!
la la la la la la la Bull Shit Walter

May 19, at the S.F.M, we have our second recording session. We compose another three songs…

Theme from "Puny Human$"
Holy Driver
"Oh, a flesh-EATING virus"

Also, at this time we decide to adopt a Lebowski-centric worldview for this project.

August-Jason does bass parts and guitar overdubs.

September 15th, @ jason's house, he composes music for
What's Really Happening To Me


November 2001
@ jason's house, we, uh, 'compose'
You Belong To The Sewer

January, 2002, @ Jason's house: we do the vocals and keyboards for the whole album. . . A YEAR AFTER WE RECORDED IT!

February: I do the mixing and the following blatant filler material:
Intro
Outro
"Hey, there's always urine!"
These would be the 'house beats' you spoke of

Album finished on February 16th, 2002.

Postscript:

Late February: the 'official' song titles were picked to replace the 'working' song titles, and we have yet to remember what title goes with what song. . .

6 comments Tags: , , ,

6 Comments so far

  1. Tzench September 7th, 2010 6:14 am

    When did you record all these crazy albums?

  2. Shawn September 8th, 2010 9:15 am

    Whoa man. Okay, so I read your stuff pretty frequently, and I've definitely printed out parts of your guides to Tokyo for two separate trips there, all over a span of a couple years. And sometimes you'll reference Berkeley or Oakland or SF and I'm like, "Cool! This guy must be from the Bay!" But then just now I read "After we finished the Stalin Claus rock opera…" and something jogged in my memory. My good friend Corbett Redford, of Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits totally told me about this rock opera back in the day. My band used to play/hang out at the SPAM records warehouse all the time, and I definitely remember Stalin Claus. Seriously, I've been reading your blog for a while and I never once put two and two together. Awesome. Well anyways, my name is Shawn and thanks for being hella funny on the regular, and for helping me find awesome shit in Tokyo on multiple occasions. You rule dude!

  3. sephim September 8th, 2010 10:47 pm

    Shawn – This isn't the Shawn, once upon a time drummer for Your Mother, is it? Because this would be further example of how small this world is or at least how tightly linked music makes us…

  4. Shawn September 19th, 2010 7:54 am

    This is not the Shawn from Your Mother, but I love that band. I sang for a band called Abi Yoyos, and funny enough, Craigums from Your Mother made multiple recordings of us, and we ended up playing with bands that had ex-your mother players in them. Small world indeed!

  5. surthurssohn March 26th, 2011 9:36 pm

    sunday 6 am, muscles ache, bad records, nasty scribbles, your band in my headphone. YESH ! ingenious stuff haha.

  6. Tokyo Damage Report » 2013 plans December 19th, 2012 10:44 am

    […] School Death Metal project about Kimberlite Pipes, not to exceed 5 songs in length. Perhaps even a Puny Humans reunion, but don't expect   LA LA LA LA LA LA LA BULLSHIT WALTER  all over again […]

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