Tokyo Damage Report

mp3 post: finky binks

ARTIST: FINKY BINKS (pictured above, getting his flow on with gorilla mittens)


YEAR: 2002

NUTSHELL: Finky wrote the raps and I made the music.

download the whole thing here.


This is a collaboration between me and Finky, an East Bay rapper.  I felt like it would be a perpetrator/poser move to sample black people, so we kept it real white-and-nerdy by sampling Modern Classical composers. The whole album is full of fake 808 beats with Stravinsky, Stastacovich, Schoenberg, and other Starts-With-an-S jackasses in tuxedos.  

Lyrically, COSMONAUT is full of the druggy, stoned-ass nonsense that Finky's dozen or so fans expect of him. Lines like: "Stuffing with your grill with doodee poots, / Your flatulence annoys the women" Or . . .'I file all my rhymes under "A" for effort.'

The lyrics tell this bizarre story of Finky's alter-ego Charlie Buckett (of CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY fame). . picking up where the novel left off. Charlie's glass elevator goes up, up, and out of the Chocolate Factory and continues up into space! He has some space adventures with a rapping HAL 9000 computer, then comes back to Earth to open his OWN factory "we make scouring pads to scrub out scrubs AND wack MCs". Corrupted by power, he loses his lady and his friends, and then takes the elevator down to the center of the earth to die. A lesson for all of us in these troubled times.

Although we had a general plot, I'd up the ante by giving Finky "assignments": write about folders and filing, I'd tell him. Write about spelunking. Here are some books from the library, I would say.




Outer space, no limit to my acceleration
The space between time and mind needs no explanation
Check, "One two three!" for the verification
No more contact with off-world intergalactic space station
It's time for re-formation, from human to antelope
I've been bamboozled by a mutant isotope

Charlie bucket, cosmonaut

I change controls on my glass elevator
Escape velocity, maybe I'll see you later
Built a house on a moon crater
Maybe I won't invite you over cus you're a hater


Right now I gotta drink Tang with Chuck Yeager
Eatin' a bowl fulla Count Chocula inside of a nebula
I'm serious
Go on a drag race with Galactus
The fool always cheats
And I hear he jacks beats from planets that he eats
Intergalactic poser
In a supernova
Experiencing a meltdown of epic magnitude
Even Carl Sagan's sayin' I'm the dude

"Daisy, Daisy…."
My days in space are lazy
I'm starting to go crazy
Space monkey bloated chunky
Smellin skunky
Horse pucky
"This is Ground Control to Charlie Bucket…"
open those pod bay doors
my body's covered in sores
turn up the heating cores
can't lay down upon the floors
because of the gravity
this interplanetary space travel can drive me to insanity
Shooting stars, shooting stars
I'm on my way to mars


Space, the last remenant
Of the human race
I'm indigent
Super hobo millennium transvestite cosmonaut
Making pornos for aliens just like Kurt Vonnegut
Yeah, slaughterhouse five
Holograms now on sale
With me and a cybernetic Marlyn Quayle
With telescopic esophagus
She could take on Mr. Snuffaluffigus
Ahh, look but don't touch
I'll put that pseudopod in a crutch
Cus I had enough-o-this
How can I do a lap dance when you ain't even got a lap, punk?



Sun down drain out looking for some sugar
Pick that nose, pick that ass, looking for a booger
Do you think you'll find . . . a bananna rind?
Or an orange peel (something you can kill)
Or maybe not quite dead, stick my finger in your head
Forget what you heard but remember what I said?
Outta my nightmares, bitch, just like Scary Fred
Spit out what you been fed, it's probably full of lead
Microchips in the water, baby, it's time to go to bed

Broken wing with a six-string box
Saggy titties and a polkadot cock
Live lavish look deep into my eyes
Get me to rise, your ass is quite big
Not to mention those thighs
Too much hamburger and fries,
Too much try-tries
You still look good to me!

Rub it on your head on your bald bald head
Better than Rogaine
You have that canteloupe look in your eyes
You got those seeds on your thighs. . .
It's headed


Bucket pocket swells with cabinets and cables,
You forgot all the labels
Open up the owner's manual
Ridin' piggyback, sideways up on my homey's camel
Tap that ass, lookin hairy Booty kinda scary
Candyland and space cadet, and still you is a fairy
Call my Saha larry, Or my folks Jerry
Janeene, Rebecca and old mary
"Charlie can we pop your cherry?"
Files and folders with a quickess
Rolodex spins with a mission
You on the phone and my file cabinet doesn't listen
(I file all my rhymes under A for effort)
Q-tip in my earhole like a big ole cotton pole
Your saliva mouth ripples, teeth I just stole
Squeeze a diamond into coal
Don't pay no fuckin' toll…..
Take the peaches out the bowl

Charlie bucket got the most hits, fuck a post-it
Advanced folders


Charlie bucket got the most hits, fuck a post-it
Fuck a memo pad and fuck a refrigerator magnet
All my lyrics bustin' out of a bakers' dozen file cabinets
I got hangin' folders in my vertical file
All your rhymes go in the circular file
Straight to the incinerator without any flavor
I got the crazy fat files with Pee-ches and accordion styles
I'm vivisectin' billy corgan
I jab the spork in
File his spleen under 'I' for 'internal organs'

If I'm baked like a cookie then I'm the burnt one of the batch
Thrown away and left to die, too small to be a catch
You get filed in the 'wack' cabinet like the speaker of the house?
"Orrin Hatch?"No.
Roll around in poison oak and then the flower patch
Gasoline and a match Lit your shit on fire
Underoos so old and dirty I think they can retire
Or walk by themselves, jumpin off of the shelves
Just like little elves,.
Workin' on my shoes
I found them drunk and fucked up, like they was sniffing glue
Maybe it was paint; the odor's kinda faint
But still it's farmiliar, losing brain cells I cain't
I have to have to maintain some sort of composure
I don't need a staple gun when I got a folder
But I need some closure, I'm feeling. . . quite ill
I'd rather bust your face open on a windowsill
I'm trying to be nice, look under "L" for lice
Itchy head, itchy 'sahh' , haha I got you twice…




My suit stash is major; I'm running for mayor
Out the door with a squash player, livin' in a trailer
Used to be a sailor; now I'm the boss
Ownin' stocks
Punch those clocks, punch those clocks, punch those clocks!
It's time to start the production line
Quotas met in record time
Here at Bucket Industries
Major factories
Making scouring pads to clean up wack MCs
Taking bets as I scrub out scrubs
Brillo pad you get no love, no love, no love
You got time to lean, you got time to clean
Getting paid by the hour (payday feeling sour)
"Product management needs some work"
So when you get fired I'm the fucking jerk?
Secretary and a clerk
Spy cameras at every corner so I don't have to lurk
Sneaking peeks
Taking leaks on your fuckin lunch hour
Uniform with no flower
Fuck you!
The only raise you'll get is when I raise a welt
Whip you with my conveyor belts
Steel wool blisters give me some pull, misters
"Workman's comp has no place in my industry"
product and shipment needs some help, G
get boxes moving up, up, up and out the door
when I fire a motherfucker he bound to be poor
can't find no loose change
Even your credit history I rearrange
Nobody touches you like you got the mange
Get to work! you're outta range
Employees stealing product????
Scouring pads to clean up like disease my shit spreads
Washed up, start at the head
Scrub down, down, down, down, down to the motherfuckin toes
Like Pony Express we make shipments rain sleet or snow
Rub out their verbal wackness with a certain matter-of-factness
The skills I have you lack this
Bound to eternal dipshit, stubby toes in the mattress.


I sail yachts in my dreams,
Tying knots in my cream sailing shorts
Drink bourbon with all sorts
On the tennis courts
Serve double-side folly
Bob you old chap, how's your wife molly?
"Just fine, Charlie"
Topsiders on deck
Hope this ship don't wreck
Are those real diamonds and pearls on your neck?

Paisley cravattes, topsiders with no socks?
Charlie bucket
Paisley cravattes, topsiders with no socks?
Fuck the America's cup!

I sailed into the America's Cup welcome reception
They don't know I jacked you, I'm good at deception
Fuck you bitch,
I'm a pirate….Slit your throat just to keep you fuckin' quiet
Yo ho ho, you know you can't fight it
Bottle of rum, a gun
Packed full of gunpowder
Drown your Little Precious in a vat of clam chowder
Steal your America Cup trophy
Overweight sailor looking kinda oafy
Your delectable brine shrimp
Up in my sailing ship
Locked you in the stern
For the entire trip


Dialed "M", pretend
To live amongst the rest
Vertigo got my lungs in a motherfuckin twist
Blown up, projected on a screen
Clouds filmed in negatives,
Nightmares inside my dream
With cream
Poured into the bowl
Suspense is building up and up
Choking on my soul
I work on my method, prepare my heart for the role
Whattaya got when ya gotta full pocket?
Pulling teeth and now your arm up out the socket
24 frames per second
Porno at the candy counter isn't the only time I get all naked….

Like television
I bring murder back into the home where it belongs
Record industry through lukewarm foreign films
And shitty gangsta rap songs
Triple x for content
My name is obscene
The man who knew too much and the flop number 13
Is clean
And ready to be set free
My name ain't walt Disney
So I've never been rated g
And I think if I was, the g would stand for 'mack'
You tried to change your mind
but I'm the dopest cd on the rack
Attack! the birds are dropping shits
I'm looking in your rear window to see how you get your hits
Small blunts and fake tits
Collagen-injected clits
Head dizzy mouth all cream and jizzy
Got my mom mummified in the basement
A mason jar of formaldehyde, that's where your face went
(in case you're curious)
I'm serious. . . so out of shape I'm makin' C. Everett koop furious
Too many highballs, too many leg of lamb
Now I'm delirious
Sway back; to and fro
North by northwest
Bad case of vertigo

The maltese cross promotes my celluloid
Best boy on my back, bout to get annoyed
Suck my peter as I check my light meter
How many foot candles can you handle
Check my theme song on the motherfucking sample
"Dum, dum dum de de doo doo dummmm"
don't mess with my apeture
I'm nasty, the true master of suspense
Fuck roman polanski
The man who knew too much fell down those 39 steps
When I yanked that bitch's crutch
I watch your neck break the 180 degree rule….

"stranger on a train filled with suspicion"
plenty of plates I break, still wash the dish in
at Jamaica Inn anthony perkins and me perkin'
with some jim beam
a crow bird chillin on my cigar
I busted at the seam
I laugh because when I do the math you still walk down that bootsy played out style of hip hop path
Feel the wrath of my psychotic inclinations
Projected on the silver screen
Mental masturbation , elation
For a nation calls me classic
Movies over books
Mother fuck scholastic.



A leg of lamb, fuck a leg of ham
Pork on my fork, tomato juices and clam
Pebbles and bam bam
Jake and the fat man
Pegasus and unicorn in never never land
Black sheep is drowning in some quick sand
Fucking leg of lamb instead of some motherfucking pork
All up on my fork
Urine in a bottle squeeze out the cork
A baby sent by stork
Engine loses torquie
Mindy and some mork
The tv show survivor
Replace it with macguyver
And reruns of facts of life
Jo tuti and Natalie, ricky shroder is the wife
Simon and simon got four kegs of gunpowder
Taking a shower
With my man Murdock and face,and Hannibal:
I love it when a leg of lamb comes together!!

Woman's voice:
"and now the Charlie bucket special recipie, girls!'

I'm all about the vegetables too lazy to upgrade
An ounce of donkey bullion and a liter of Gatorade
Boil with tumor pie ad 22 degrees
Chilled and served immediately with some antifreeze
Plus corn on the cob eat the greasy blob
Splatter barbecue sauce like a slob
Eat lamb cakes for a blow job?
Please hob nob with sista soljah,
creature features,
With high cheekbones everlasting

Excuse me while I display my styles, okay?
Add mormon spunk and season to taste
Your cooking styles I lay to waste
On your birthday cake
Getting culinary whilst cooking in the lavatory
With my chef hat on
Seasoning that stew with a tampon, what's up?
Where'd you learn to cook?
You wanna-be CIA motherfucker
Culinary institute of art, I'll hang you up in my meat locker
This shit ain't no hobby
24-7 my skills is wasabi
your shit is so mild
you ain't no motherfuckin' Julia child
this shit is real out here,
off of the streets , into the frying pan
with that leg o lammmmmmmmmmmmmmm

It's headed to the belly big ole leg of lamb
Cover in some jelly, headed to the can
Now our stomach stinkin angry and all mean
Ain't supposed to eat it if it's painted green
Did you gross nasty head to the pits
Smoke another cigarette arty and take a shit
Leg o lamb suffocated all that healthy living
Stuffing with your grill with doodee poots,
Your flatulence annoys the women
Donuts and sody pop, eating just like cop.
Bad luck like the monkey's hands
Curse of the leg o lamb
Got voodoo
Sprinkle shady ju-ju
Now you got the bellyache
Try to dilute with a slice of cake
With sprinkles, regurgitate up some Pringles
It tingles hee hee hee
Making you feel weird
Turning polkadot and some puke up on your beard


Playing hookey for Veterans', I'm on another level
Smoking Gage, talking bunny rabbits, subtle and subtle
Human, fabulous, and dynamite: I'm up on the crazy scene
It's uncut, it's beautiful, pure; It's a dream
Know what I mean? Like living life up in a bubble
No windows and a doors, feeling safe from all the trouble
Troubles inside. . . I take you for a ride
Roller coaster through inner self
Feeble as an albino pygmy elf
You can criticize when I look into your eyes
Vague crossover tears,
See the years
Getting longer and longer
Deeper and deeper
Speed freek of a Papi
Now you can't sleep-a
Can't protect my perimeter,
Rotate my circumference
All you bitch sucker motherfuckers eating lunch
Feeling crunched
Got me munchy like a Mon-Chi-Chi
Finger belly button make you pee
Poo poo
Reorganize, get your life in order
You talking nickel and dime shit,
Trying to get me for a quarter
Buying chips and soda
Your tongue's green like Yoda
Put you in a duffel bag; not enough courtesy for a folder
Now you feeling moded
Corroded and exploded
When you had something, needed crack so you sold it
Your mama and your daddy
Your goosey-goosey granny
With holes in her panties
Walking down the street
Kickin' it Sesame Street
Asking motherfuckin' Charlie bucket for something
To fuckin eat!


Simplest, malignant rap bastards
Stealth-streamline– folded folded and plastered
I got greenbacks; a pocket full of snake venom
And I think I'm the one who killed john lennon
Mark david chapman (epitome of an assissin)
Wish I could feel those big leathers and denim fashion
Big star-shaped sunglasses
So I can sleep through glasses
My eyes are shifty and the note passes

I don't need nobody I can help myself
Gimme a buck
I don't need nobody I can help myself. . . .
Cus Charlie Bucket got extravagant candy coated motherfuckin wealth

Lunch paper baggers say hi to pants-saggers
Fuck a businessman and fuck mick jagger
With his two dollar swagger
Switch switch and sway
Probably donating to the KKK
I'm likely to dislodge the eggs benedict off your tray, biitch
"Mama, Mama, get another job!"
KFC just jacked the price on corn on the cob
I've got gobs and gobs
Of coffee and cake
Every single color, model and make
Even got Rogaine-flavored butterball for christ's sake
What you got I will take
My Daddy's servin' crank
Out of the holdin' tank
Bottom of a lake
Fuck a shovel and a rake
"Dude. . . you live in my consciousness!"
So expensive is the cost of this that I must depart
Hit the throttle and I'm gone, in my go cart.
I don't need nobody I can help myself
Gimme a buck
I don't need nobody I can help myself. . .
Cus Charlie Bucket got…
Independently rich lavishly crusted candy coated, you mama wanna touch it but her finger's all bloated, motherfuckin' wealth.



Tears I see drop from your eyes
Tell me why you cried
Guilt I fear when you look at me
Did I let you down?

Girl you see my eyes
I apologize
Tell me what to do
to get through to you
Girl it's not he same
I know I was to blame
Just tell me when will I see you smile. . .

Tell me when will I see you smile again?
Cus I know I messed up baby
And I know you're fed up sugar

Promises I know I made many times before
And I broke each one of them,
But I had to learn over and over again
Don't hurt the one you love

Girl you see my eyes
I apologize
Tell me what to do
to get through to you
Girl it's not he same
I know I was to blame
Just tell me when you're ??????? see is love

Tell me when will I see you smile again?
Cus I know I messed up baby
And I know you're fed up sugar


I put my lip to the butt of your cigarette to give you akiss
Apart for only minutes and miss you more than I have missed…
I have alist
You could put a check by each ord
In your eyes I I can see things I never heard


The pavement is gone and I'm walking on grass
The hill's alive; taste the clouds as they pass
Open air and look at all the trees
Clean from my cough and my sneeze
If I have a lock on my heard, I'm sure you have the keys

Outside is lovely this time of year. . . .




Long hair like healthy, veins unbroken
Images of you in my head when I'm busy stroking
No jokin'
And I like the way you smell
Ready to violate you, so send me to jail
If not, it's living hell
Breathe easy when you're close
You treat me better, baby, than most
Making up some toast
Traveling coast to cast
Tie you to a post so you can't leave
And if you break away I got a Gloc up my sleeve
Shoot first, kill ya, later I will grieve, retrieve
Your guts and bones buried in the dirt
Whyisper things in your ear and you can call it 'flirt'
Please don't call me jerk, baby, I'm sensitive

We could do so many funny things again
You could even bring a friend
It'd be nice
Twice as nice
As you
If we had two
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo woo
Just like James Brown I'm like a sex machine
Just like your Mama I'll treat you real mean
Slap you on that ass
Woo woo woo woo woo woo wooo wooo wooo


The salty drippy dribble drips out my dick
Took some fuzzy powder and now I'm real sick
Covered in army ants and damn there goes a tick
Snakes and some cakes
I'm dying for Chrissakes!
Couldn't cool me down with all the waters from the lakes

Violet Bulregard!
Give me any bed I'll wet it
Cus I am so enuretic
You know I'm gonna soil your sheets
Junkie freaks springing leaks in your boudoir
So now you can clean with a loofah
cus my junkie junk style is too raw
I'm whizzing like Der Autobahn
Cus now all the blotter's gone I'm seein' monkeys

Baby you know you want it, I'ma coming through your door
I'ma kill all your kitties; fall down and break your floor
Flip-flop flounder, I'm a four hundred pounder
Like Homer with no neck, I'm ready
I'm a wreck
Trying to work my mojo but it ain't coming through
Like a Mad Lib; I'm drawing blanks
Taking a walk onto the land of Spanks
This is reality with a capital "E":
I love you, I love you, I love you!!

Mike TV, the motherfucka with the cap gun
Transvestites and pipe wrenches
Pleather vest and a cowboy hat kickin' it on benches
But only a bench in front of a television
TV is my drug
Fuck E I don't wanna get hugged
Cathode rays got me surly
You fuck with my cable I'll smack you like Moe does to Curly
I piss in a bag
Jack off in a rag
To a floating clit with the Spice Channel on 'scramble'

But damn, what did you think?
I'm a motherfuckin' whale
Injection time folls around and on the floor I flail
Ride another rail
Drug money in the mail
Wrapped up in a motherfuckin' issue of Mad Magazine
Have you seen what I've seen?
Like one time….. (adlib)

Check out my new career:
Synthesyzin' more Urea
Than Hans Krebs, the Swiss biochemist
Your bed is blemished
Godfather of pee at your service, now the MC
With LSD
Flashbacks of Attilla the Hun's ass cracks
Let's get down to brass tacks:
I'm sayin it's wet.

I'm Augustus Gloop
Always busy eating pigeons on the stoop
Always busy turning dials
These are kitty tears not those of crocodiles
These tears, right here fill the mailman's head
Full of rubber stamps void of electricity
LSD smiles
Kitties on the aisles
The city's coming down
They walk up on my town
That kitty I did drown
"Your steps are a mess, this place will burn!"
Bitch, I'm on drugs and now it's your turn….

I'm all relaxed and shit
And it don't matter that I just hit
350 cc's of goddamn freaky Swiss jungle drugs
Now I'm chewing on my fingers like a lobster
Inching my head towards the cat food like a mobster
(You know, the kind of mobster that likes cat food)
But I can't see
It's all a warm ass-woumb
And in my pants I just peed
Motherfuckers in the room playing Doom
Castenada rollin' over in his toumb!

You come to see me and you take some 'E'
I shoot you up intraveneously
You don't even know the things you about to see
Pink elephants purple kangaroo
Me and your grandma out by the pool
Drinking 'dirty dozens'
OH SHIT!! the shirt comes off your cousin
And Fuzzy Wuzzy's fuzzin
"Don't tap my fucking shoulder…!?! Who the fuck you looking at???!!!"
so get back in your car before I get a bat
Oh Beautiful for super high
Super high, super high
Super high…..

I'm hallucinatin' Bonobos
Chimps bring drama, those
Monkeys gotta go back to the zoo, they flinging poo
With a sidewrist grip
As I trip more so than Gerald Ford
Turning into Lita Ford
Battling oranutans with hangliders
Seein' Amy Tan's in a lowrider
Drive by on Danielle Steel
But the chimpanzee turns the steering wheel
Crashing into a fire hydrant
Next thing I know, my urethra's dropping damp science

Beer can plus trajectory equals the division of my areola
Smoking dimethyl triptaline with Tony Matolla
Shake-n-bake, coming to your receptacle
Leaving you a vegtable
I'm like a suplex in the thunderdome
Fall down and go, "Ohhhhhhhme…. Ohhhummm"
The flip-floppa, the flounda
Let's take it to the grounders
Tickle my butt, and I'll go "Tee hee hee hee hee"
If I'm lucky I'm tipping violins
Two Swiss Miss legs fall from the sky. . . .

I twitch, I bite, I try to say "Side…
Side sidge gigdi sidddehhh shteiashe shethsidksdtmmmmeworide"
I think I died
But that's Allright
I can't remember a thing, nothing
Everybody's hitting this DMT like psychedelic crack
Have a seizure on your lunch break then ya bounce back
Ge to work on time, you only got half a tongue
And ya nose is broke and ya asshole's bleeding


Escape all you fools go to a cavern and jump in
Bet you didn't know carlitos balde goes spelunkin
I take my funk'n go underground
Now the sound got the stalagmites bumpin
(Turn that bass down, Schultz! You're endangering a precious natural resource!)
I ain't trying to be lumped in
With you fraudulent surface-dwellin rappers
I grab my red marker cus you all flunkin
My shit is so down low I'm under the earth's crust
Leaving you sucker motherfuckers is a must
Fuck trust and disclosure,
I'm playing the part of a dope mc and you's just a poser
(take off hoser)
augustus and violet:
spelunkin' let's try it
as I rapell that's my ass that you smell
lava tubes to the pits of hell
caverns and phosphates nitrates and stones
when I let out a holla it comes back in 12 tones

I got a jumar ascender in my pocket
Augustus sniffing my backpack cus it's full of chocolate
Those little pudgy fingers is why I have to lock it

Lava tubes inside as more rocks dissolve a tear comes to my eye
I cry and looked to crawl some more
Just like barry white I'm "deeper and deeeeeeper" to the core


Now hold on a darn minute
While I adjust my molecular structure from human to monoclinic:
A dog-tooth
With three unequal axis (two right angles and a third, making it an oblique angle with the plane of the other two). . .


Crystal formation a lovely little creation
Towards the center of earth getting' closer to satan
He's paintin'
Geysers underneath the police station
Canopies and columns why you causing problems?
Augustus stuck in a hole makin his own rimstone dam
Have to spray his big ole ass with some butter or some pam
in this underground wonderland
oil birds swiftlets and blind fish eating curd
fuck what you heard you can only hear me in mono
cus your other ear's immersed in cavern guano
(That's bat shit) you can't make a hit with your 'how to be a rapper' kit!

A typical stark topography of an area affected by rainwash
I brainwash you! in a cave, wanted to call me Charlie but I make you call me dave

"Dave, what are you doing dave?"


Ja, it is I: Augustus among the Augite
Now I gotta fight Bulregard over some sugar
Take your hands off, hooker
Now I'm swellin; I'm rapellin;
Violet she be yellin
"You took my gum, I'm telling, I'm telling, I'm telling!"
about to give that Kraut a slap
when all a sudden my Bluewater II rope
falling at sixteen feet per second per second and I can't stop
so I dive and descend, past hallucinated gingerbread men
it's cool: they won't laugh at my obese German rolls
cus I'm kicking with Marzipan moles
they get gooey when I bite off their nose
I'm flying, falling like a sparrow
Then I notice this hole is getting' kinda narrow
I'm stuck!
Sedimentary deformation is what I'm making
My fall made shit start quaking and now all the bats are waking
I'm stuck!
I'm stuck!
Stop takin' pictures!!

Violet beauregard, I'm flowing hard below ground
Slow down, check out these fifteen speleothems
and a boxwork petromorph. . .. Augustus stop eatin' them!
That ain't no pop rock, don't you cock block you little impediment,
try and stop me and I crush ya into sediment
You better act right, you get stuck with my jackknife
Body found impaled by a stalagmite
Transvestite in drag as a stalagtite
I got more styles than Carlsbad got strengites, bertrandites, even the
Curous twin spangolites
You couldn't hang with my crew
if you had clampons and a frog ascending system
Funny how your ass is always ending with the mole man's jism
You can't handle my shallow intrusive igneous body
That's Allright cus I got me a chud hottie
In another cave
My loving skills even make your mother rave
You simple sulfide!
Don't be hatin just cus my styles is always changin'
See, I'm coming metamorphic, while your style's conglomerate
It's just pieces of other rappers
that's why I gotta clobber it
Just like the thing, I bring the smooshing. . .
big orange rocks in my fist
You've been geologically dissed
I'll fuck around and bust your whole schist
Just like igneous lava I got flow. . . hey where the fuck did everyone go? I musta took a wrong turn back at the limestone column
Now my lamp's gone out, I can't see the crevice and I fall in….
Shit . . . .
Trapped like Gollum!


violet is lost again agustus is dead stuck
why should I give a fuck about two more punks
trying to get me for a buck
so I'm leaving I bail my spelunking won't fail
I get around with a hammer and a pick muthafukk a nail
One drawback is the air is always stale
Communication regulated no O2 keeps me dilated

Hypothermia and shock
rope burn from a double fisherman's knot
sandstone can get gritty like sandpaper to a titty
but still I'd rather be down here motherfuck the city
I got stalagmites to write about in my book
Blind fish boiled in hot springs don't need a frying pan to cook



Finky Binks as Charlie Buckett
Schultz (AKA 'Mr. NoRapName') as Violet Bulregard
Mink (AKA Small Sack) as Mike Teevee
Corbett (AKA flip flop flounder the 400 pounder) as Augustus Gloop
Additional rapping by HAL 9000


Thanks to the New Century Quartet for various eerie samples.

Translated and Narrarated by:
The Original Jose and Miss Jennifer Royale

Additional vocals by:
Sagey Babey
Lula Lee
The Vainglorious E.V.E.

Charlie Buckett would like to thank the following motifs:
The Thing
Hal 9000
"funny little things"
Willy Wonka
Escape velocity
Alfred Hitchcock
Edgar Varese and all modernist composer homies
Bring 'sneezy'


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