Tokyo Damage Report

The Choosening

Back in  1995, we were trying to think of names for the band which was to become FINGER LICKIN' GROUT. Last week we randomly found the 3-ring binder full of failed band-names. Here they are:


The Eurhythmics
Yield Sign
The Toenail Clippers
The Tuberculosis
Camping Equipment
The Latchet Rugs
The Yiddish Cusswords
Training Bra
Things You Take To Guatemala
Nancy Reagan’s Ass
The Box Elder Beetles
The Papercuts
Thongs UK
Midnight Charlie Horse
Losing Out To Mexico
Vertical Hold
Convenient Store
The Fireplace
Tax Breaks For Fraud
Gary Coleman’s Adrenal Gland
Marquis Mark De Sade
Billy Joel’s Store-bought Head-cheese
The Under-your-seat Floatation Devices
The Backstrap Looms
Martin Short Enema
Fox Mulder Dashiki
Mole Hair
The Snort
R.G. Collingwood Goes Woopeee!!
ACMBMBB (the Alister Crowley Memorial Black Magic Blues Band)
A Superhero Leotard W/ Huge Shoulder Pads
The Codpiece
John Madden Learns French
The Knee Krustaceans
Bringham’s 39th Wife
The Greasy Fat Bowling Man Stains
Otherway Suspenders
The Purse Straps
Toe Fetish
David Duke Dispenser
PLAD (sic)
The Serbian Ground Fungus
Nintendo Aggro
The Kind of Suspension Bridge Constructed From The Prosthetic Arms Of Little Children
Communist Frozen Yoghurt
C. Everett Koop Speaking In Tongues
The Donkees
I’m C. Thomas Howell, Dammit!
“Play Freebird!”
Susan Powter Caught on 30lb Test
Non-tendo Castrato
Feltching the Field
The Squeamish Nazi Pinchers
“Flem? You Call That Flem???”
Pop Goes The Boll Weavel
Virtual Mutton
There’s a Snake in Your Ear
Basque Goes the Weasel!
Boxer Rebellion Souviniers
Anal Fortitude
Dink Water In My Nose
Drink Water In My Nose
Cocktail Wiener Distribution Scandal
See The Laundry Make Jelly
Don’t Grow Maize In The Carport!
The William Butler Yeast Nobel Prize
Plumbing Problems Give Basset Hounds Hives
Cheese Slices In Escrow
The Society For The Collection Of  Sleepers’ Drool
Polly Klaus von Barbie
Ubangi Children Clashing With Versache Pants
The Sandwich That Stayed In The Closet For Two Weeks and Stank
Fish Lipstick
The EZ-Boy History Of Man
Arafat Kegger!
The Male Gazelle That Lasted A Whole Year On The Discovery Show
“Why Don’t I Have Three Arms ?”
Trout Circumcision
Thor’s Circumcision
Throat Circumcision
Karaoke Dry-Dock
Plaster Plaster Canasta
Trotsky Does The Lambada
Green Turds Eat Livers
Yabba Dabba Death
Black Sabbath Sleeveless Tee
Please Recycle
Tim McCuisick’s Hat With Buttons
The Geraldothon
Cotati’s Gazeebo Sucks
Nobody Visits Ghandi Anymore
The Pinball Is Infected
Yellow Rappers Eat Big Snapper
Dante Detante
Quadraplegic Dental Exams
Wall Street’s Greatest Accomplishments
The Prozakian Parabola
Dueling Nasal Tridents
Framed Finnish Puzzle
Look At The Shnops
Leggo Toga
Pencils Who Talk Get Broken
Marquis De Milk
Ballroom Blintz
Biker Shorts
Kick Me I’m Irish
Parapet Envy
 “Which One’s The Wallaby?”
Yikes, It’s Frank Sinatra!
Wetting The Bed With Right Said Fred
Borneo Rodeo
Borneo Nader
Hans Hindu Andersen
Sha Na Neffertiti
The Big Book Of Prussian Shorts
Prima Donna Potluck
Johnny Cash Rules. . . .No.
Greek Orthodox
Singapore Sledge Hugs Six Short Songs.
Sycamore Figs and Not Sycamore Figs
Sycamore Figs and Notched Sycamore Figs
Destructive Debt
An Illegitimate Fugue
Mommy What’s A Viking?
Beach Boy Buggery
Nipplez Del Spellcheck
Natus McDougal
Really Morbid Angel
Phallic Sundials
The Stretch-Pantzed
Stretch-mark Schematics
Baron Von Baron
Really Toad Dog Movies
Sha Na Na NA
Duckie Von Duckie
Marinated Ombulature
Eat Your Vestibules!
Manufacturing Plants Everywhere
Pension Raiders
Matey And The Yardarms
San Luis Obispoispo
Ludwig Lumbago
Middle Class Dismemberment
Downward Mobility
Yentl Ahoy!
My Mom Has A Built-In One
Goy Buzzer
The Write-offs
Deep in Da Hole
The College-Rock All-Stars
Wrecking Industries And Lives
The Nitty Gritty Zamboni Band
The Collapse Of the US Trucking Industry
The Question of Serfdom
Death of a Department Store
Tuxedo Pin-tuck Pleating
Please God!
easy fitting turban
easy fitting turbine
Mettenich’s Attempt
All Over Inner Lining
All Busts Look Fuller
Soft Fuzzy & Elegant
Kicky Cotton Denim Go-Togethers
The V-Neck Rompers
The Idea Of Progress
Topsy Turkey
Spicy But Loose
VD Day
Evening Shimmer
zip backed, cotton, ribknit, scoop
Little Lord Fondler
Le Pump
The Five Satans
No Lumpy Garters
The Jellythruster
“French Word”
Rip Huffle
That’s Right
Them Too
Same Isolate Language
Flounced Neckline Crop
Everyday Neolithic Life
Intellectual Undertow
Lusterous Natural Highlights!
That Ain’t Goofy
The Disney Coke Pepsy Scientology Corporation
“Over The Top Bustline Drama”
The Intellectual Protestant
Martin Luther Burbank
Martin Luther Campbell
Whack Pack
The Flannel Jack-offs
Pink Thunder
Butt Plug Orbit
Soft Yet Firm
The Yale Ghetto Boys
Non-Slip Gripper Bottom
The French Curve
The Taco Bell Curve
Easy Squeezy
Sol Taux
Frankie Goes To Coddingtown
The Fucked Up Carnival Rides
Catheter Lee Crosby
Crosby Stills Nash and Young MC
Time for Sherbert!
A Hip Flask of Sterno

3 comments Tags: ,

3 Comments so far

  1. […] 2) spend the rest of practice voting on band names. Fill up an entire Spiral notebook. (see the failed band-name list here) […]

  2. Tzench March 20th, 2011 5:29 pm

    This list is not absurd enough!
    Eurythmics is a real band:
    so is Slipknot. "Hootenanny Singers" was a Swedish band active 1961-1974 including, among others Björn Ulvaeus, who later became a member of ABBA.

  3. Tzench March 20th, 2011 5:30 pm

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